I HATE having to 'do' homework...

Neither of my children expect me to DO their homework for them - I do not give them the answers, I do not tell them what they need to do, or say, or anything - but I have to sit with them for the entire duration. I don't know why this is the case, but I've found that if you just leave them to it, other distractions always get in the way. Not sure if it's a boy thing, and ADHD thing, or just avoidance tactics. For the last couple of years, I have found that simply being 'around' the kitchen while the A-man is working on his is enough, but that is not the case for S. He will do anything BUT pay attention to what he is supposed to be doing.

Let's talk last night's scenario. Get home from work, the A-man tells me that he had some drama homework, but he was done it. Showed me the typed-out information he was going to have to present in class today, then told me that he just needed to put it on the cue cards provided by the teacher. I asked about his other subjects - seemed a little surreal to think he would have homework in drama, but not science or geography. Oh, yeah, he had some science homework, but it wasn't due until Wednesday, so he thought he'd work on it tomorrow. (Tomorrow never comes in my house.) I reminded him that he had Air Cadets the next night, so it would probably be a good idea to get the majority of the science work done tonight. He agreed - but was sullen about it.

I worked on getting dinner started, and just took some down time for myself. During dinner, both boys brought me up to speed on what they did in school. After dinner, I asked S what section of his project the EA wanted him to work on for the evening. He told me that he had done some of it in class, and he needed to work on "this". I asked him to show me what he had done in class. He was correct - he had done some of it in class - but, in no sense of the imagination did he actually do what he is truly capable of. I am really going to have to push this to the EA - he will do the minimal amount of work if you allow it. He must be pushed. I know it isn't fun, and he can be a real pill, but if we don't walk him through the various steps, and help along, he will not suddenly decide on his own to do more. Just won't happen.

Anyway, he modified the work he had done in class. I had him add a bit more detail to each of the stories, and then made him check it over for grammar, etc. It's a flipping computer, people. Let's use it to it's full abilities!! It takes the words he speaks, and puts them down on the screen. - it is very easy to modify and correct information, but it does take a lot of time and patience to get him used to using all of the features. (Really takes me a long time since I don't even know all the features, but I'm learning.) Anyway - he brought the second section of his project up to a level that I felt was within his capabilities, and then we started to work on the next section - a collage about himself. This he enjoyed. I took him down to my computer, and showed him how he could actually make the whole collage on the computer. Take this shape, add a picture in to it, place these words here, move this up here...he really got in to it very quickly, and had a lot of fun thinking of what else he could put on the collage. Then, suddenly, he heard some music on the TV his brother was watching, and all interest was lost. I had him save the collage, transfer it to his memory stick and then put it on his school laptop. Homework time for S was now officially done.

I was straightening up the living room when I suddenly realized the A-man's drama homework was still sitting on the coffee table - unfinished. Nice. It was now just after 9pm. I called him up and reminded him that he still needed to complete his homework before bed. He was not happy with me. Suddenly, the pencil case is being slammed down, zipped open in a very aggressive way...if you have a kid that shows anger this way, I'm sure you know what I mean.

He then told me that he didn't need to worry about him science homework, because he figured he would just do it on the bus. I lost it. "On the bus??!" Homework is not to be done 'on the bus' EVER. The bus can be used for final study time, or to do some reading, but NOT for actually doing the homework! He used to pull this crap all the time in Grade 7 and 8, and I told him that this just was not going to fly for high school. This really got him worked up, but he did get his work out. He read the first question, slammed his pencil down, and said, "I have no idea what this means. How am I supposed to do this when I don't even know what it means?!"

I was just fuming, but realized that I was not going to be any help or support to him if I kept nagging and going on and on about the same thing (yes, I will admit it - I have been known to do that...) so I calmed myself down while pouring my tea, and sat at the table with him. I read the question, then read the notes that he had taken for the day. I asked him if he had written these notes off the board - he said it was an overhead projector, but yes, he had. Big Mistake.

I asked him to read over his notes, think about what it was saying, then read it again. He was still quite agitated, but after the second read-through, he seemed to be calming. (So was I.) He read the question again, and still didn't know what he was supposed to do. I read the question aloud to him, then showed him where his notes helped to answer this question. He read the notes again, then said "Oh, so this means...." Okay, he's starting to get it, I thought. He was still a little irritated, but he was starting to get to work.

He limped through doing all of the work, and I told him out-right that I didn't know for sure if this is what the teacher was wanting, but I suggested that he go in to class a bit early to show her what he had done, and to ask for clarification on a couple of points. This was the perfect learning tool for him - I explained that by working on it now, he still had another full day in school to go over any difficulties he was having - talk with the teacher - before he had to hand in the final version. I could tell that he saw my point, even though he didn't want to admit it.

The next part was a little bit harder. I reminded the A-man that his "tourette doctor" and Physio-therapist at the clinic had formulated information that indicated he was not to be required to take notes, but rather be given prepared notes to enable him to fully listen to the teacher, and make notations as needed. I asked him if the teacher explained things while he was writing the notes, and he said "No, she just put them on the projector and we copied them down. Then she told us to read these pages, and answer these questions." (For the record, I had a very hard time believing that a Grade 9 teacher would do this.)

As gently as I could, I told him that he should talk to the teacher about making arrangements to have the notes given to him - and he started to get upset and say that he didn't want to be treated any differently. He is worried that kids will bug him, I think. I asked him to think about that morning in class. "Do you think it's possible that you worked so hard on writing nice and neat notes, and getting all of the words down, that you just didn't realize the teacher was talking?" Suddenly his face fell, his shoulders drooped, and he said "Yeah, I think she was talking - but I didn't listen...I just wrote what was on the screen."

I explained that if he had been given the notes, he would have been able to read them as she was talking, and make any notes about things he thought were important. He would have been able to actually learn the lesson - not focus on trying to write neatly. (His handwriting is terrible, usually.) The A-man told me that he was going to go to science as soon as he could, to make sure he was on the right track with the homework, and to also tell her about the note-taking issues.

Part of me wants to just let him do this, but most of me is thinking I need to set up an appointment with the special ed teacher, and his classroom teachers. I have copies of the information from the doctors, and I'm thinking this needs to be shared. Now. I want to allow him the opportunity to self-advocate, but I'm afraid he will just clam up and not say anything to her.

Anyway, he finished all of his homework, and went to bed. All told, he worked for just under an hour on everything. By the time he was done, he did see my point about taking advantage of having a day to clarify information, etc. He was a little sleepy this morning, but he didn't have to rush out to the bus. Maybe we will survive this...

I am going to call the school to set up an appointment - just to provide the information from the clinics - and I won't tell him about it until I find out how his version of the conversation he had with the science teacher. I don't want him to think I will rush in to 'save' him - he needs to learn how to speak up for himself, too. I hope he does it.

(a little while later...)

I have called the school. I spoke with the A-man's resource teacher - and also found out she is his Learning Strategies teacher. She is going to talk to the science teacher about providing notes rather than having him take the notes. She asked for some patience and said they are just in the midst of preparing IEP's for the kids that require one - I guess there is usually a two week transition time.

Happily, she did comment that the A-man appears to be much calmer this week. She also told me that she thought she would discuss in class when/where doing homework was appropriate. There are 17 in his Learning Strategies course - all of which have special educational needs, so I'm sure the majority of them try the same sorts of avoidance issues. The A-man will not need to know I made this call, and I'll get to hear his version of how his conversation went with the science teacher. (My phone call would have been made just as his science class was coming to an end - he should have already completed the task.)

I asked her about the chances of him having a psycho-educational assesement done. She didn't think the chances were very good (CRAP) but she said she would inquire about it. I am going to fight for this more, if I need to. He had a snapshot of his abiltities done, and he scored in the 91st and 99th percentile for visual abilities, but in the learning end of things, his spelling was in the 14th percentile. Gee, ya think there could be some type of learning disability there? He needs one done, and if we need to, we will pay for another one, but I would rather not have to lose all that time at work - never mind the two thousand $$. What's money if ya can't even spend what you don't have??