Coping?

Here is a copy of a letter I wrote to my darling Bear today - I think it summarizes how I am feeling right now:

"Got your message today. Thanks.

I'm really not upset about him having Aspergers, I'm really not. I guess it just TICKS ME OFF that I have two wonderful children - beautiful boys, really - that have to go through all of the FREAKING learning issues. They are both so bright - hell, the A-man is 5 IQ points off of being classed as 'gifted' - and they just have to struggle all of the time, to do just the simplest of daily things.
Do you know S can't tie his shoes? Now we know why - right side of brain affects fine motor skills.
For years I have struggled with them being suspended from school, from the bus, causing problems here, there and everywhere. Skating coaches created routines that work around my boys' non-compliance. Total strangers making the "God, I wouldn't want to be THAT kid's mother" while they are pointing at one of my children. You know how many times I have had to call you to see if you could keep S while I went to work, and for 4 years prior to that, I was HOME and able to keep them with me.
So, we find out S has ADHD and multiple learning disorders. I learn about them. Then we discover he has a Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Back to the books. He is so stressed out at school, he tries to jump in front of a bus. I cope - voice my displeasure with the Principal's attitude, get counselling for him, enrol him in Play Therapy, fend off CAS, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Two days after the bus incident, our family doctor tells me he thinks the A-man has Tourette's. Fine. We see the paediatrician, and move onward to Toronto. Yup, Tourette's, ADHD and Rage. Okay, ADHD I know - the rest, I learn. The A-man, for the most part, becomes an entirely different, more responsible child. In Grade 8, his teacher even comments that she would take a classroom full of the A-man's, as he is such a delight! I almost started to cry - since I was at the school dealing with, yet another, S incident.
Following school year, more issues for S. I address as I need to - involve a lawyer, the school superintendent, the trustee. Principal is suspended, more resources are put in place for S - specialized bussing, a full time EA. Computer is suddenly allowed home for homework, and now more programs have been added - and he has been TRAINED!! (crazy concept, really - giving a child a laptop and also teaching him how to use the software...)
So, finally, after years and years of struggling, we are starting to see an improvement. Sure, there are still struggles on occasion, but they are farther and farther between, and less severe than in the past. His report card still say he needs to improve his "cooperation with others", and his "conflict resolution"... we read that each time and think "Yeah, whatever." For the past number of years, the problems have ONLY been at school - the home issues were resolved through the various tips/techniques/training we did through private assistance. Respite weekends were a God-send, I will admit.

And now we can add Aspergers and Non-verbal learning disability to the gammet. Will it end?
I think that is where I am right now - will I ever STOP hearing another 'diagnosis' for either of my sons? I have never been one to hold on to 'labels' of disorders - you know that. Hell, I could have a flipping rheumatology book named after me!, yet I never dwell. Never have, never will. But I feel - so very strongly - that I must educate myself on anything and everything that affects my sons. So, back to the books.

I am tired."