Amazed

There are some days that I am absolutely amazed that I have made it through the past 10 plus years. Days that I think back to my ‘days of hell’ and think, “Were they really that bad?”

You know what? They really were.

I remember taking the A-man to see a doctor when he was in Grade 1. “His teacher thinks he has ADHD,” I said. The doctor smiled, and said, “He’s a bit of a handful, is he?”
We went through all of the questions relating to ADHD, and for most of the questions I answered, “No, but that sure does describe his brother!” Yet, STILL, I did not pursue that further with S. (Not sure, now, why I didn’t request further testing at that point…probably because S was only 4 at the time - too young for an ADHD dx.)

I used to joke with the school principal that she had me on speed dial in her office, because if she wasn’t phoning me about one of the boys, she was calling about the other! My personal favourite was when she was calling about them both – because they had been fighting (with each other) either on the bus or in the schoolyard.
Suspensions from the bus were not uncommon, but I do still feel that the bus driver held some pent-up resentment for both of my children.

From the time the A-man was in JK at age 4, until his Tourette and ADHD dx at the end of Grade 7, phone calls home were the norm. Teachers, I’m sure, felt they needed ‘battle pay’ after a year with him as a student.

S wasn’t as problematic at the beginning of his school life. The real problems began when the bully issues began. What a flipping nightmare those years were. Those are years that I never want to relive, and I am so sad that he had to go through them at all. But, at least we have FINALLY had a positive year for him. Amazing how all things get better when the bully is dealt with, and the necessary support systems are put in place to address his various learning disabilities.

Hubby used to have to take my calls at work. “Honey, they are driving me crazy,” I would sob in to the phone. Some days I put on my Walkman and just sat in my room with the door closed so that I could distance myself.
There were days that I was SO angry with them. I truly did not like them some nights. I always LOVED them, and told them so every single night, but I did not like how they were behaving, and couldn’t be with them for any length of time.

Now… I love spending time with my sons. They both have an incredible sense of humour, and I really enjoying seeing how their various thoughts have developed and grown. I can have serious conversations with the A-man – about many subjects! And I’m not really to commit myself at the end of the conversation!

It was hard – no doubt about it – but I think that just makes the peace of now that much sweeter.