When am I ever going to learn? When am I going to STOP jinxing things? Yes, today (and yesterday...) I feel completely and totally deflated, defeated, and just, well, sad.
The other day I mentioned in one of my posts that S had not had a good day at school, that he had to come home, etc., etc.. I was hoping this was just blip in the day-to-day life of S, but, of course, that is never the case. There always has to be some sort of CRAP to follow us around.
Wednesday morning, I took S to school. We reviewed the events of the previous day, discussed it with the principal...on and on. Wednesday there were no problems at school. Thursday, there were no problems at school. Friday was a PA day. S came to work with me, and we had a meeting at the school to go over his report card. First meeting was with the French teacher. It was fine. Next, S and I go in to our meeting with the classroom teachers, and the SERT joined the meeting, as well.
For the most part, all was good. S has been working hard in class, needs to put a bit more effort in to the written work. The laptop has been very useful, the SERT wants to see him using more of this certain program...yadda, yadda, yadda....going along as expected.
I mention that S has really been enjoying learning how to do sign language, and ask who has been teaching him that. I am told it is his EA - Mrs. A. Then, suddenly, the SERT says, "But she is going to have some difficulty with that for the next little while, isn't she S?" I look over at S, and his head is hung in shame. Confused, but innocently, I say, "Oh, has she hurt herself?" The answer to this question blows me away.
I am informed that Mrs. A has fractured her thumb. I guess when S had been resisting her attempts to bring him to the office - she had taken his hand - he actually pulled/resisted her to the point that her thumb was fractured. I was speechless. My heart dropped. I didn't know what to say. I just said "Oh, dear. Oh, S." He looked ready to cry. After a moment of silence, and uncomfort all around, the meeting resumed.
When we left the meeting, and started to head back to my office, I questioned S about the injury to his EA. I asked if he knew she had been hurt - he did. I was just about to ask him why he hadn't told me she had been hurt when he said something that sent me realing. He said, "She told me that she had to work really hard to convince her husband to not call the police on me."
WHAT?!!???!!!
Of course I am very, very upset that he has caused an injury to his EA. Of course I realize that his actions were very serious, and the fact that he harmed someone - even unintentionally - is very serious. I would never dismiss that as being silly or absurd. Had that happened to me, or anyone I loved, I would also be very angry and upset.
But there is something here that has me even more upset. How could she have felt justified in telling S that her husband wanted to have him charged with assault??!! Firstly, I feel this is very unprofessional, and secondly, I question weather this woman has any clue about both the inability to self-regulate, and/or the anxiety disorder that affects him. If she did, I don't think she would have said this to him. I agree it needed to be addressed - but to ME, and hubby - but NOT to S. I had not even been informed that the EA was injured. (side note - the EA didn't go to hospital the night of injury, but the following night.)
I have been stewing about this since Friday. I have had a lead lump in my stomach since then. I have talked with (many) other EA's, I have emailed S's doctor about this, and I have emailed a police officer friend about all of this. I guess my next step will be to talk to the principal and SERT to go further. If she is going to share this sort of information with S, I don't think she is qualified to assist him. The doctor's specifications were very, very clear on the type of EA for S, and this would NOT be a comment made lightly. The doctor is very upset that the EA would say something this detrimental to S.
I do not think this is appropriate. At all. The one (retired) EA I spoke with told me that when she had a child such as S, she knew that it was possible to undergo issues such as this one, and she also realized that in the heat of the moment, an injury such as this could be possible. Her husband said that he would have put such an injury off to "part of the job" and would have realized the child had not been intentionally causing harm.
The police officer said it is a very difficult situation, and he also questioned weather it should be more a 'school' isuse than a legal issue. He feels that the courts are a place for CRIMINALS, not 12 year olds with "behavourial concerns" - his words, not mine. (Officer did not know of other issues, but legally, that would not matter - which is why I didn't go in to the that.) My email to his approached it simply on a "facts" basis.
I am supposed to have an IPRC meeting one day this week, and I think I will wait until to broach this subject. I want to go charging in there and shout "How dare she???," but I do not think that would be helpful at this point.
And, again, my tummy hurts. And I want to cry.
I'm curious to know - what do you think?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I consider myself a professional and being in the teacher field, I have made PLENTY of mistakes. I hope to goodness that parents can forgive me for them because I have a very difficult time doing so. What this EA said to S was wrong. It was very wrong. It was a childish way of making sure that S felt horrible. I am giving the EA alot of credit because I am hoping that she, as a professional, had no idea of S's anxiety disorder. I would like to know exactly what is on S's IEP. He is identified as exceptional but the IEP needs to state what he is being identified for! I have seen too many IEP's that are so vague and unspecific that it drives me crazy! If this disorder is not mentioned on the IEP, then the entire special Ed. system needs to be looked at and corrected. I have unfortunately realized that there are far too many professionals in the teaching system that, because of their ignorance, treat some children unfairly and damage them. If they only knew how difficult it is not only for S but for all the others as well to exist amongst such a busy and materialistic society.
I wish I could take your pain away.
I'm sorry that you have to go through this.
Thank you, Val, for your insight. And thank you for posting. S's exceptionality is very well documented. Information from his doctor is VERY clearn and explicit. I don't think she has read any of this information, and I will be making that clarification.
I am a teacher and we have a mutual friend with whom I work. I have a son who is now 15 and was diagnosed with NLD and ADHD at the age of eight. Even though I work within the school system, most of my frustration as a parent comes from the very system within which I work. We have been battling for years, sometimes pleading and with tears in our eyes. I think the passion we have for our children and their outlook on the world often gets lost when they enter the doors of the school. I am so sorry to hear about your latest experience. Primarily I am disappointed that the school did not contact you in light of the situation. How uncomfortable you must have been hearing this in front of your son's teachers and Special Ed Dept. This should have been dealt with the day it occurred. Further, I am wondering how tightly an EA would have to hold a child's hand in order for a finger to be broken while he was trying to get free. As mentioned earlier, EAs must recognize that there are job hazards when dealing with frustrated children. I am so sorry that your son was spoken to in such a way. Reminds me of all the times my son has been called lazy and disorganized. How long before the school communtiies recognize that these children cannot control some of their actions? Self esteem is such a fragile thing, and ignorance to a child's pain sets that self esteem back so quickly.
Post a Comment