The summer between Grades 3 and 4 didn't see a large decline in the number of visits we made to the Family Services Agency. In fact, things started to worsen on the homefront, and we started to see a big decline in S's interactions with both myself and hubby. He would threaten to run away from home - which would involve running down the driveway, or across the field, or maybe to the neighbour's drive way. He started to get more aggessive when he was angry, as well. He was starting to throw things when he was angry, and on more than one occassion, hubby had to physically hold him to keep him from harming himself or others. Gotta love that "cross the arms in front of the body and just hold the wrists" trick. (But, a warning about that hold - they can flail the head back - turn your face to the left or right when maintaining this hold. Trust me - I learned the hard way.)
I started working in September of this year. It was my first full time job since the kids were born, and it took a bit of adjusting - for both myself and the boys. I had a hard time with the days that they became "latchkey kids" for about an hour, too. But, they would call upon getting home, etc.
As the visits to our councillor increased, so did her concern over S's (and the entire family's) well-being. She suggested alternate respite weekends. What a relief those weekends were. Starting in September, every other Saturday, we would drop S off at the Family Service house. He would remain there with about 5 other children roughly the same age as him, and we would come and get him again on Sunday afternoon. It was just, well, so NICE to not have that stressor in the house for even just 30 hours. And it was a lot of fun for him, as well. They did all kinds of things - like swimming at the public pool, visiting the fair, etc. And we got a chance to spend some one on one time with the A-man. He had chores he had to do while at the house, and things that he would REFUSE to do at home, were not a problem at the house. That just didn't seem right to me, but I guess that is just the way it goes.
After the first 'session' of eight weeks - and, yes, a brand NEW parenting course - it was decided that we would all benefit from an additional eight weeks. And, being the caring and kind parent that I am, I thought that was a great idea. I was told that I didn't need to re-take the parenting course, however. So, another 16 weeks of alternate weekends. As much as I loved him, I am not sad to admit how much I looked forward to those weekends.
On the school front, things progressed pretty much status quo. S was still having difficulty with doing his homework, and just couldn't seem to remember to bring home what he needed. His group of friends seemed to dwindle a bit that year, but he still talked about a number of kids, so I wasn't too worried about that. He would still have his problems on the bus, etc., but nothing really jumps out at me right now. His grades were not very good.
Family Service Agency thought we may benefit from additional help, so a worker started to come in to our home once a week. I guess the primary reason for this was to see how we interact with the boys within our home, to offer suggestions on how to remedy 'real life' situations as they occur, that sort of thing. The aggression continued to rise. I even got to demonstrate the "wrist hold" thingy one night while the worker was here. I was beside myself that something like that would happen when she was there, but she assured me that it was GOOD that she was able to witness it, and see first hand how I dealt with the situation. She was also at the house for the A-man, but to be honest, at least 85% of her time was focused on S.
Sometime in the spring, our two workers met with me to express some concern over what they were seeing with S, and recommended that we see the psychiatrist that worked with their agency. S saw her some time in March, I would say. Her initial findings showed some cause for concern, and she felt further testing should be pursured. I asked at the school about the pycho-educational assessment he was on the waiting list for (had been 2 years) but it looked like there was no end in sight for that waiting list. We discussed options, and decided he had been waiting too long, and bit the bullet and have him tested privately. Over $2,000 dollars for that private testing. I would have been LIVID if the school had not accepted the new psychiatrists finding.
After the very extensive testing - done in Toronto, three sessions, each two hours long - hubby and I received some very shocking news. S was formally diagnosed with multiple learning disorders (including - but not limited to - graphomotor, comprehension issues, and short working memory), plus severe ADHD and a generalized anxiety disorder. Yeah, no wonder he wasn't doing well at school. On the plus side, he has a high-average IQ. So he's not 'dumb' - he just can't learn in the traditional ways. On the negative side, he knows that he should 'get' it, but can't figure out why he doesn't. Oh, and he scored on the high-average level for verbal skills.
I took these finds back to the school and was advised that we needed to have him formally identified, and then implement an individualized education plan that would accomodate his learnging disabilities. But, of course, it was now the end of April, and nothing new (or effective)would be able to be implemented for the current school year. Of course.
So, we went through the formal IPRC process, and the 'committee' accepted the doctors findings, and S was formally identifed as learning disabled. I asked about the anxiety part - shouldn't that be listed under the behavioural aspect of the IPRC? but was told that I didn't want that to be his formal idenification. Hey, I was new to the whole process. What did I know? So, I agreed that we would just stick with one 'label' for the upcoming school year.
Wow - Grade 4 background took a while to share. Part of me blamed myself for being at work during some of this time. Of course the mother guilt has to come out somewhere. I was just gratefull that I was working so that we could 'swing' the cost of testing, etc. That would have been very hard to do otherwise.
I think I will end it here, and see if I can condense the Grade 5 crap, but, then again, there was a LOT of crap...
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