Surviving

Well, S managed his time in the office with the Principal quite well. On Thursday - the day he was required to stay home - he actually came outside as I was getting ready to leave for work to ask me about his list of chores for the day. He'd noticed that I hadn't left him any and thought he'd better check on that.
I don't believe he would have actually done any chores that I'd noted, but it's nice that he asked.

Friday was a 'retreat' day for the Grade 8. Sounds like he had a good day there.

We went to the cottage on Friday evening. Saturday morning S went off to find his friends. He knocked and knocked on the door, but it appeared no one was home. When S came back to the cottage, I suggested he complete the homework that he'd brought with him and told him that by the time he was done, maybe his friends would be home and able to play.

We had a bit of a disagreement about the homework completion - apparently I "never shut up about homework" when it's brought to the cottage. I took exception to this rude comment, for obvious reasons. After a bit more 'discussion,' S got to work and did what he could on the project. (I will never understand why he feels the need to argue.... guess that's just part of his strangely wired brain...)

After the incident last week, the bottom line has been established - if there is another incident at school between now and the Ottawa trip on June 17, we will not be going. Period. I will get my money back for both payments, I will not have to take 3 days off work, and that will be the end of it. Hubby and I have made S very aware that he needs to take full and complete responsibility for his actions and behaviour. If he can't take the time to make a logical decision, he needs to at least recognize that he needs to distance himself and allow himself the time to think about what he should do. He has his safe plan in place for a reason, and will never be punished for taking the time to go to his thinking spot.

I've called the doctor about getting another appointment, and have been advised that S was 'discharged' because he hasn't had an appointment in the past 6 months. I was not advised that he would be discharged, nor was I ever notified of this discharge. Now, apparently, we have to go through the entire referral process again. I think I am going to ask our GP to refer us to the pediatrictan that knows/understands Aspergers rather than this other doctor. Seems like the original doctor is all about the money and not what is best for the child. (At least, when he tried to charge me $11 for a prescription refill is when I got that impression...) So, for now we don't have the chance to have S see a specialist, but at least we just need to get through the next few weeks and we can say good bye forever to that part of our lives.

I won't be sad to say good bye, I can tell you that.

Small school issue

Got a phone call around 1pm today. Seems S did not have a very good lunch recess. He had become extremely agitated, and tried to climb the fence that borders the school. Big no-no.

Since he is a flight risk, and we have a safe plan in effect, the Principal had to phone me and ask that someone come to pick him up. This was the first incident that S had this year. The Principal actually commented that the school has been very chaotic the last few days - always is just before Christmas break - and she appreciated that S is the type of child that doesn't do well when normal routine is interrupted. She just felt it would be more to S's benefit if he had time at home to take it easy and then she would discuss the events with him in the morning. Hubby wasn't far from the school and was able to pick him up pretty quickly.

I called home a little while ago and he seemed very calm and was able to talk to me about the events of the afternoon. I guess I will have to hope he remains calm when he realizes the Principal and I agreed that he shouldn't 'help' backstage this evening for the Christmas concert.

Given the time of year, and S's history, I really should have been expecting a call this week. Granted, this year has not been a traditional one for him, but the pre-Christmas excitement is starting to mount. One more week until Christmas Eve.

I'm very grateful that the entire situation was dealt with in such a smooth manner. Hopefully the follow up will be just as clean, clean and concise.

When will I learn?

When, exactly, am I going to learn to keep my trap shut?

I just had to go and jinx things this morning by posting my "good year" post. I didn't even make it to WORK this morning when I got a phone call from the school telling me that S had an incident on the bus, and had taken off from the school property.

Following his safe plan, S is not to be allowed to remain at school when he leaves the school property. Oh, I was so not impressed.

When I got to the school, the teacher in charge wasn't even 100% sure of where S had gone to. I asked if it was possible that he was in the special ed room, as that is where he is supposed to go when aggitated. We headed down that way and found S's EA there. She told us that he had locked himself in the bathroom.
I knocked and asked S to let me in. He refused. I asked a few times, actually. After a while, I finally gave up trying to actually get in to the washroom, and just asked him to tell me - through the door - what had happened to get him so upset. He started to tell me, but after a few minutes, another EA started talking with S's, and I could no longer hear him. I told him I could hear him, and he let me in the washroom.

We talked about the event of the morning, and what he did wrong, and the possible solutions we could come up with to ease things for him for the rest of the school year. (Which is only 4 days.)
After we reached an agreement, I encouraged him to take the 'meeting' outside so that we could fill the EA and the teacher in charge in on what had transpired.

The teacher in charge had gone to get the other child's story while I was trying to coax S out of the washroom. By the time she had returned, the majority of the story had been shared with the EA, and the EA had a chance to voice her concerns about S's behaviour of late, and the upcoming field trip. I think he understands the severity of her (and mine) concern. I'm hoping so, anyway.

When the teacher in charge heard S's version of what happened, she did indicate to S that she had obviously not heard the whole story - except for the parts where S had done some incorrect things (such as taking off his seat belt to move locations on the moving van.)

Anyway, by 9:35, I was leaving the school with S in tow. I took him to work with me, and had him work on his worksheets. He was very good to sit and do all of the homework that he had, and didn't start to run out of things to do until close to lunch time. I made him a quick sandwich in the kitchen, then finished up a few more things on my desk and then left for the day.
We picked up the A-man at my parents house, as he had called around 11:30 to let me know he was done his exam.
I am doing the last of the laundry, and I think we will be all packed and ready to go to the cottage by the time Hubby arrives home from work. I think he and I are going to have some serious conversation about the rest of the week, and S's attendance.

What a flipping day.

Today... today I feel deflated- warning..it's long today.

When am I ever going to learn? When am I going to STOP jinxing things? Yes, today (and yesterday...) I feel completely and totally deflated, defeated, and just, well, sad.

The other day I mentioned in one of my posts that S had not had a good day at school, that he had to come home, etc., etc.. I was hoping this was just blip in the day-to-day life of S, but, of course, that is never the case. There always has to be some sort of CRAP to follow us around.

Wednesday morning, I took S to school. We reviewed the events of the previous day, discussed it with the principal...on and on. Wednesday there were no problems at school. Thursday, there were no problems at school. Friday was a PA day. S came to work with me, and we had a meeting at the school to go over his report card. First meeting was with the French teacher. It was fine. Next, S and I go in to our meeting with the classroom teachers, and the SERT joined the meeting, as well.

For the most part, all was good. S has been working hard in class, needs to put a bit more effort in to the written work. The laptop has been very useful, the SERT wants to see him using more of this certain program...yadda, yadda, yadda....going along as expected.

I mention that S has really been enjoying learning how to do sign language, and ask who has been teaching him that. I am told it is his EA - Mrs. A. Then, suddenly, the SERT says, "But she is going to have some difficulty with that for the next little while, isn't she S?" I look over at S, and his head is hung in shame. Confused, but innocently, I say, "Oh, has she hurt herself?" The answer to this question blows me away.

I am informed that Mrs. A has fractured her thumb. I guess when S had been resisting her attempts to bring him to the office - she had taken his hand - he actually pulled/resisted her to the point that her thumb was fractured. I was speechless. My heart dropped. I didn't know what to say. I just said "Oh, dear. Oh, S." He looked ready to cry. After a moment of silence, and uncomfort all around, the meeting resumed.

When we left the meeting, and started to head back to my office, I questioned S about the injury to his EA. I asked if he knew she had been hurt - he did. I was just about to ask him why he hadn't told me she had been hurt when he said something that sent me realing. He said, "She told me that she had to work really hard to convince her husband to not call the police on me."

WHAT?!!???!!!

Of course I am very, very upset that he has caused an injury to his EA. Of course I realize that his actions were very serious, and the fact that he harmed someone - even unintentionally - is very serious. I would never dismiss that as being silly or absurd. Had that happened to me, or anyone I loved, I would also be very angry and upset.

But there is something here that has me even more upset. How could she have felt justified in telling S that her husband wanted to have him charged with assault??!! Firstly, I feel this is very unprofessional, and secondly, I question weather this woman has any clue about both the inability to self-regulate, and/or the anxiety disorder that affects him. If she did, I don't think she would have said this to him. I agree it needed to be addressed - but to ME, and hubby - but NOT to S. I had not even been informed that the EA was injured. (side note - the EA didn't go to hospital the night of injury, but the following night.)

I have been stewing about this since Friday. I have had a lead lump in my stomach since then. I have talked with (many) other EA's, I have emailed S's doctor about this, and I have emailed a police officer friend about all of this. I guess my next step will be to talk to the principal and SERT to go further. If she is going to share this sort of information with S, I don't think she is qualified to assist him. The doctor's specifications were very, very clear on the type of EA for S, and this would NOT be a comment made lightly. The doctor is very upset that the EA would say something this detrimental to S.

I do not think this is appropriate. At all. The one (retired) EA I spoke with told me that when she had a child such as S, she knew that it was possible to undergo issues such as this one, and she also realized that in the heat of the moment, an injury such as this could be possible. Her husband said that he would have put such an injury off to "part of the job" and would have realized the child had not been intentionally causing harm.

The police officer said it is a very difficult situation, and he also questioned weather it should be more a 'school' isuse than a legal issue. He feels that the courts are a place for CRIMINALS, not 12 year olds with "behavourial concerns" - his words, not mine. (Officer did not know of other issues, but legally, that would not matter - which is why I didn't go in to the that.) My email to his approached it simply on a "facts" basis.

I am supposed to have an IPRC meeting one day this week, and I think I will wait until to broach this subject. I want to go charging in there and shout "How dare she???," but I do not think that would be helpful at this point.

And, again, my tummy hurts. And I want to cry.

I'm curious to know - what do you think?

NOT a happy camper

Shortly after 1pm today, I recieved a telephone call from the new acting principal. S had an incident at the school, and my presence was required. Great.

Off I go to the school. He had some sort of argument with some other kids in school yard during recess. Some of the kids were breaking the 'fort' he and two friends had created yesterday, and he started to become very angry and aggitated. When the principal went outside to talk to S, he thought he had been able to calm S down. He invited S to come in to the school and discuss the incident in the special ed. room. As the principal turned to walk in to the school, S scaled the fence, and ran off.

I take it he had also sworn at a couple of kids, and even used the words "I'll kill you" to at least one girl. Apparently this upset her greatly. gee, wonder why... Since he left the school yard, the principal felt he had to choice but to send S home for the rest of the day. Yeah - I didn't get the opportunity to return to work. Not a good thing.

S refused to talk to me when I was at the school. Well, he did a wee bit, but none of what he was saying really made much sense, and he continued to get worse, and more silly as the conversation progressed.

We left the school. I made a couple of stops on my way home, and by the time I was through the first errand, he seemed much calmer. We were able to better discuss the situation, and even come up with some alternative actions. The problem isn't him knowing the information - he knows it all - it's getting him to incorporate it in to his everyday thinking.

His specialist had actually sent me an email this morning indicating that he was concerned S may be feeling some stressors - he felt some of the more recent behaviours have been indicative of this. Guess he was right. I am going to take S in to school in the morning, and have a little follow up conversation with the principal about all of this.

On the up side - at least he didn't hurt himself or anyone else - but as he gets older, these sorts of threats will not be taken lightly. I know he doesn't mean them - he is far too kind a child for that - but he just uses that word (kill) to express that he is feeling very angry. I am waiting to hear back from the doctor on this.

My tummy hurts.

A running incident

Got a phone call today at work today - around 3:45 - from the school principal. We have call display at work, and it was a number I didn't recognize, and it was a local call. It is very rare that a local call is not one I know.

Anyway, it was the principal calling me from her cell phone. S had exchanged words with another student from his van - there are only two others in the van - and had 'run' from the school. She told me that Mrs. M went to try and talk to him, and she had called from her cell phone so that she could take the phone outside and allow me to talk to him, and maybe calm him. (SERT had left school early today due to an appointment.)

While, by the time she had called me, and brought me up to speed with the situation, Mrs. M had returned to the office and said all was fine - he was back on the bus and on his way home. I was assured by the principal that she would address what the other student "must have said to upset S" in the morning. She was so concerned and caring. (yes, that is major sarcasm there.)

At first I thought it odd that she had sent another teacher to deal with the situation, rather than attend to it herself, but after a bit of thinking on it, I think she has come to realize that neither S nor I beleive she is a caring and concerned person, and has realized it is best to send someone that we actually have a bit of respect for. The A-man had Mrs. M in Grade 3, and she is a lovely woman.

When I got home from work, I didn't indicate to S that I knew anything about the after-school incident - I wanted to see if he would share with me without any prompting. Well, share he did! Right from the moment I arrived home. Apparently he thinks he should be taking the regular bus again, because this other boy (B) is a big "pain in the butt, and always getting in his face." B is known to be a behaviourally-challenged child - which is why he has a full time EA and specialized bussing. Somewhat like S.

Since all three children that ride in the mini-van have EA's, there actually was one AT the van when everything occurred. (It just so happens that this fine young lady is the daughter of S's Godparents - I have known this EA since she was a baby.) So, S's story went that B was getting 'in his face' and bugging him, so he decided that he couldn't take it anymore, and he would simply walk to his Gramma's rather than deal with B's nonsense for the ride. He thought this would be a better option than the action he wanted to take, which would have involved a bit of bodily harm to B's genitalia... (sigh)

Truly, getting out of the van was a better option...it's just that, the thing is, when you are a flight risk, and you suddenly start walking away, all of the policies and procedures that have been established to ensure your safety have to be followed. And, when you lack the social skills to simply explain that you need to take a break from someone, you tend to act a smidge irrationally. I understand where S is coming from, but I also know why the staff members had to react the way they did, too. Rock....hard place....hmmmm.....

The EA that was on hand, dealt with the situation by simply following S and talking to him. When angry there are very few people that could do this successfully - she is one of them, simply because he has known her since he was born. She was able to nip it off quite quickly - at least from what I gather from S. By the time Mrs. M had arrived on the scene, S was calmed and ready to get back in the van. This was probably an incident that I did not need to be made aware of until after the fact, and had the SERT been at school, I am sure I wouldn't have been made aware of it. It seems to me that this principal always wants to either phone the police or call in the parents whenever something happens that she isn't comfortable dealing with. "Let someone else deal..."

I'm just shaking my head....

Grouch

I'm in a bit of a grouch this morning. Not sure if it's because of the weather, the overwhelming mess of my house, the towering piles of paperwork on my desk at work, or the pile of laundry taking over the basement... whatever it is, I am just not feeling myself.

The A-man did well at the office yesterday. He claims the job I gave him was 'totally boring' - and he's sort of right (lol) - which explains why I've been delaying in doing it myself!

S brought home his revised IEP - must say the SERT has been working very hard at ensuring she gets all of the finer points covered. I have signed off on it with no revision requests. I'm thinking that will surprise her.

Got a call from the mom I was helping - regarding her daughter's IPRC, etc. The school board has actually set a date for a full psycho-ed assessment for her. This girl has been on the 'waiting list' for over 4 years - it's about time. Personally, I think they realized this woman had started to get a little help, and realized they had better do what is within their legal obligations. She told me yesterday that whenever they discussed stuff at the school, the principal would say "...and I know you will want to go over this with your contact." The lady figures they thought I was a professional advocate. No matter - she is finally going to get a bit of understanding with respect to her daughter's learning challenges.

I'm afraid to say it out loud...

...in fact, I just can't do it because I think it will jinx things.

Tonight, after dinner, both boys got right to their homework, with no arguments, with no tears, and with no problems what so ever. Do you know why I can't say it out loud yet?

While we were having dinner, I mentioned that I had to leave around 7pm for an ADHD meeting, and asked what homework had been assigned. S volunteered that he had both Math and Geography homework, and the A-man told me they did a Science lab today, and he needed to complete the report for a hand in tomorrow. I suggested they keep in mind that I was only going to be available for 'homework duty' until 7.

Right after they finished clearing the supper dishes, S pulled out his Math homework while I was loading up the Science lab template we had created when the A-man completed his last lab. While I was doing that, I could hear the A-man explaining to S about how to go about calculating the area of certain shapes, etc. (!!) The A-man has never helped his brother with homework, and he told me that he was missing doing math, so he was happy to help. (Okay...sounds good to me...)

I was able to download my email, then even go down to my office to print some information for my meeting, and both boys continued on with their homework. I am so amazed. S was finished before I left for my meeting, and the A-man was happily typing away on the computer. When I returned, he explained to me that he didn't complete the lab because he had deleted some columns from the table on the template, then tried to centre the table, and ran in to some difficulties. I adjusted it as best I could - basically just did a cut and paste to another template - and then he sat down right away and finished putting in the information! Yes, I am in shock.

While the A-man was printing his lab, I noticed that his Science book has a lot of loose papers not put in the right places, so I think he is going to need a bit more help with keeping his notes organized. I might send an email to his Learning Strategies teacher about that tomorrow... mmm, maybe not. I think I will recommend he work on getting that put away during his lunch break, and if it doesn't come home tomorrow night in a more organized fashion, I will take the next step.

Went over S's safe plan and IEP last night. For the most part, I am happy with both documents, and I am willing to sign the Safe Plan as it is currently written. The IEP still has a number of vague statements that I would like to see tightened up and clarified, but even if that is done, it doesn't mean the teacher is going to follow it, does it? But, my hope is now that S has an EA we will see a bit more of the IEP being followed.

We have a specialist appointment tomorrow. I actually sent him an email this afternoon letting him know about the Team Meeting that was held last week, and what sorts of details the school is requesting. Just received a reply email from him telling me that he will have the documentation ready when we arrive for the meeting. I must say, this online subscription for this doctor is worth the monthly fee. I will be stopping the service after S has his fMRI, but until then, I like knowing that I can post my concerns on a secure, password protected forum and the doctor will reply within a day or two.

He also indicated that he would have some details about the changes that often occur when children start to enter puberty. Of course, we all know what happens, but when you have a child with a very delicate mental state, I'm sure there will be many things to keep in mind. I know the doctor is wanting to start to reduce the anxiety medication S is taking, and that will probably be the number one agenda item tomorrow afternoon.

The weather has started to become more Fall-like. I am not happy about the cool, damp days that we have had the last two days. It's very hard getting out of bed when the sky is still so dark. From the forecast, it doesn't appear to be ready to let up, either. Ugh...soon they will be calling for snow.

Another Lazy night

Tonight, during homework time, rather than actually helping with the homework, I sat outside and slowly inched my way forward toward the family of stray kittens that were born in my compost bin during Labour Day weekend. Let hubby to help S with both Math and Geography.

I got right up close to one of the kittens - a black one - and just as I tried to pet it's ear, it clawed my finger. Didn't really hurt - startled me more than anything. The momma cat is very friendly, and I was even able to hold her for a long time while I watched the sun going down. She had four kittens in total - two black ones (momma is black, long haired), one grey and black tabby, and one white and orange tabby. I was able to get close to them when they were days old, but I guess the momma didn't think that was too safe, and moved them. This is the first time I have seen them since they were born. At that time, I thought there were only three.

We have been feeding the momma for about two months now. She is so pretty, and so well-mannered. I don't think she was abandoned though - I hope not. Anyway, she sort of adopted our deck, and since we have our two kittens, we just started putting food out for her. Now we have two bowls of food outside - one up on the table for the momma, and one on the ground half way between the bush area and where the momma comes to eat. My hope is that the kittens will get used to seeing us, and will let us get close enough to pet, etc., and then I want to find homes for them. I just can't imagine those poor wee babies out in the cold of winter. Hubby has actually said he would build a little shelter for them, with straw, etc., in the boy's tree house, but I hope that we don't need to do that. It breaks my heart to see such beautiful animals just abandoned like that.

Contacted the SERT today to ask about the team meeting on Friday, and a copy of the agenda. Will be the SERT, myself, the classroom teacher and the EA. No principal - which is totally fine by me. We will review his safe plan, his IEP, the first month of school, that sort of thing. The SERT did make a comment that she would present me with an IEP, then take it back to the office with lots of sticky notes on it, and then will re-do it to my satisfaction. I laughed when I read that. I think she just expects me to find fault with something in the initial IEP. If it's well-planned, I will be happy to sign off on it right away.

So, the A-man has no homework tonight, and I think I am about to go and attempt to straighten up his room a wee bit. He is SUCH a pack-rat. He claims he did 'clean' it after dinner...we shall see. If you don't hear from me in the next 24 hours, send a search party!

The honeymoon is over

Well, I guess that's not too bad - almost a whole month before I got "the call."

Yup - got one this afternoon from the EA. It seems S was agitated to the point that she was just not quite sure what to do next. When she let me talk to him, I could tell he was gritting his teeth, and in that "I don't care, I'm really ticked off" mode that he can get in to. I talked to him for a few minutes, then I had to put him on hold to finish on another call. Let's face it - I'm at work...I really do need to still do my job. When I got back to the call, S told me that he would call me back in a minute because he was going to go in to another room.

I guess the EA - what shall I call her? Ummm... Mrs. A works. Okay, so Mrs. A had tried to talk to him, and felt she was getting somewhere, then he ran back in to the classroom. He had ran in to the boy's change room, which was where they had started their conversation. Now, since this was the first time Mrs. A had a bit of an incident with S, she felt it would be easier to have the class leave, rather than risk him having a full blow up while she tried to get him out of the classroom. I can understand that. The students - in both Grades 7 & 8 - left the class, and the teacher, Mrs. S. called down to the office to let them know of the situation. Ms. B decided to come and 'help' with it. (Yeah, I'm sure that did absolutely nothing to help him.)

Anyway, since this was Mrs. A's first witness to what S can do, they decided to call me and see if I could 'talk him down', so to speak. He seemed resistant to talk to me at first, but all it took was one question to have him open up. I asked, "Did somebody say something to hurt your feelings?" Suddenly the angry boy was gone, and a sad, almost crying little boy replaced him. I heard a very small, very sad, "Yes." (Okay, I'm getting through...)

"Who said something that hurt your feelings?" He told me a classmate's name. "What did he say that upset you?" S replied with "Pink Panthers." uhhh... what??!!?!! So, through a bit of a winding conversation, I was able to determine that a group of kids were trying to come up with an intermural team name. S felt that this boy should have picked S's suggested name (The Pink Flaming Flamingos) but this boy decided to go with the consensus - The Pink Panthers. S feels that they shouldn't go with that name because it will break copyright. (HA!)

So, he became upset. He feels that no one ever picks his ideas. He told me that he had thought for two whole days to come up with this name, and he thought it was perfect. But, again, no one liked it. How do you tell him that sometimes that is just the way it is? How do you teach him the skills to realize that a rejection of a person's idea isn't a rejection of the person? His poor wee self-esteem is already so low, and then to have his team mate - one that he considers a friend - pick someone else's name... well, since I know him so well, I understand where he is coming from. So very hard. I talked to him a bit, and he seemed to calm down a fair amount. The biggest concern he has is that people don't listen to him.

I asked to talk to Mrs. A again, and basically asked her point blank why the principal was contacted. I told her that in an event such as this, the SERT is to be contacted as she has a very calming effect on S. Ms. B does not. I guess the teacher was so overwhelmed by this outburst she did what she thought was best, and I can't really fault her for that.

Mrs. S - the classroom teacher - did contact me at work some time after 5 tonight. She was very upset about the whole incident, and was actually taking it very personally, I think. I tried to explain to her that this is just how S is, how he reacts to self-perceived rejection, etc. I did let her know that he likes her very much, that he likes her class, and that she didn't do anything wrong. "This is the reason he has an EA," I tried to explain. I offered some websites for her to read - one in particular that has some amazing strategies for teaching students such as S. Never had a teacher do that before.

Yesterday I contacted the French teacher - just had a few questions I needed answered. Seems like a very well-organized teacher, but didn't seem to be aware of the issues and concerns around S's educational needs. Chatted with her a bit, then fired an email off to the SERT asking her to make sure to inform the French teacher of S's safe plan because I got the impression that the EA didn't attend this class with S. SERT emailed me back today to say that she, personally, spoke with the teacher, explained the whole scenario, and assured me that S did have an EA during that class. Not quite sure where all that was coming from, but whatever. I just know that if he has a new teacher, that does not know of how he can react to stressful situations, we are just sitting on a time bomb. Apparently it has all been cleared up, and the French teacher assured me yesterday that she would begin a modified French program for him. Great.

Okay, now on to the A-man. Get a call from his Learning Strategies teacher today to set up a meeting I had requested. I REALLY want to have a psyscho-ed assessment done on him, but I REALLY don't want to have to pay for it if I can avoid it. I have copies of all the reports from the Toronto hospital, plus the information from the study we participated in during May of last year. I am going to see what I can do. On two of the cognitive tests, the A-man scored in the 99th and the 91st percentile. VERY high. Extremely high. Shows how bright he is. But on the spelling end of things, he scored at the 14th percentile. Differences of these extremes indicate a learning problem. We need to figure out what, exactly, the problem is. So, come Tuesday morning, I am going to plead his case.

Between the phone call from S's EA and S's classroom teacher, I received a phone call from the A-man's science teacher. She wanted to make sure I was aware of his first project being due tomorrow. I told her that I was aware, and that he had been working on it. She said that he had asked some questions today, so she knew he had been doing something. She then told me some of the things she was expecting to see. This was not what he had done so far. Okay - there is time for him to address this.

She then proceeds to tell me that the class turned in science labs today, and the A-man did not follow - or followed very loosely - the example she had provided for them. She told me that she knows the work he turned in is not indicative of what she knows he has learned, and she told me that she would be willing to give him the opportunity to re-do the lab over the three day weekend and resubmit it on Monday. (Friday is a PA day in our board.) She then offered to assist him by giving him a bit of a template to follow for future labs. Wow. I want to kiss this lady, I'm telling you.

I explained that he and I had set up a template for labs a few days ago, and I would have him bring in his memory stick and go over the finer points with her. She was happy to hear this, I think. Found out later that the school doesn't have software compatable to ours, but I am sure we will be able to work something out. (Hubby and I are both computer literate enough to design a template equal to what she sends home.)

Had to inform the A-man of these developments. He took the information relatively well, considering. I was home for all of 12 minutes before I had to leave again for a meeting, so Hubby got to do the final details with the A-man's project. Must say, they did a very good job with it. Not quite the layout I had in mind, but it is very well done, and more creative than what I would have come up with. Will be sure to give them both gold stars in the morning.

Had a very informative meeting about advocacy tonight. So many people has so many things to learn. Even as a person that is very comfortable with the various acronyms, I must admit that I still have a lot more to learn. Have some homework...

Will write more about that meeting later. Getting quite late, and I really need to go to bed. I am off to Montreal tomorrow after work, so I won't be blogging for a few days. Hubby will have to assist the A-man with his science lab revisons sometime between the fishing derby they are in this weekend. I will be quite tired on Sunday from my 8 hour drive, but I will do whatever helping I can.

Have a great weekend!

Ohhhhh...I am in trouuuubbble.....

(Jori is hanging her head in shame)


Guess who got a phone call from the special ed teacher from S's school today? Apparently S didn't complete the homework that was listed in his agenda, and he told them that he was out paying his respects for a boy that had committed suicide...and the school didn't believe him. Apparently I should have sent a note to the school to make them aware of this situation - just so they would be, well, prepared. I am so bad. I even said that to the spec ed. Yup, I said "My bad."

Come on, what else could I say? I explained to her that S didn't really know the boy, and if either of my sons were going to be bothered by it, it would have been the A-man more than S. I didn't think to mention it to the school, well, to be honest, because I just didn't.

To make up for it, I made sure S did all of his homework tonight, plus even a little bit more of his project than I would have probably expected him to do at once. He did his own science homework (it's on ecosystems...) but I ended up scribing the written section because I didn't think the teacher would be able to make heads or tails over what he had put down. I also wrote a note to his EA and classroom teacher apologizing for the oversight. (Am I being a suck up???)

Anyway, was a good conversation with the special ed teacher after that. I am going to need to get some clarification on something she said - something to the effect that he wasn't really going to have a "full time" EA. Excuse me? I guess there will have to be some sort of rotation to cover off breaks, etc., so he may have periods of the day that he doesn't have full support. That I can live with - hell, he's had to do it for 8 years, what is a period a day?

She also told me that she is going to send home an 'anxiety' sheet to complete - something that will point out the various triggers, and the signs to watch for to make sure he doesn't get to that really bad place. We will also be having a "full team meeting" to make sure all aspects of his safe plan are known to all of his teachers. This year they have introduced rotation classes, so he has his regular classroom teacher, his French teacher, and another teacher for History/Geography. Plus his EA, and any of the other EA's that might work with him have to be aware of what to watch for, how to get him 'unstuck'...never ending, I tell ya.

The project that S is working on is a History project, but it is actually more of a personal history. One of the sections he worked on tonight was "10 goals I have." Some of his answers really made me hurt for him. His goals included "to not get angry at every little thing", to "get a girlfriend this year", "to become popular" and "to get more friends." He had other, more positive ones - like "to get my orange belt in karate" and "to become a famous singer", but most of them focused of his self-perceived short comings. Like, "to be become more smart for school." He already IS smart - he just has learning disabilities - he learns differently than the average child.
There was one point though, that was very positive for him. It was the 'parent interview' section. I asked him to complete the first 4 questions of that, and you should have seen his little face just beam when I answered his questions about a time I was most proud of him, what he liked to do as a child, and a funny thing he did when he was younger. He loves to hear stories about himself. He is such a sweet boy (well, sometimes) and all he wants is to be well-liked by those around him. I guess it will come. He knows I love him with my whole heart - I tell him every single day - but I am usually the person he gets most angry at, too. Maybe that is a security thing - he knows he can get angry at me and yet I will not stop loving him.

The A-man finished his homework with little-to-no prompting, and when I had sent him a message via Facebook asking him to make sure the kitchen was cleaned up, and the dishes done, he actually did it - before I got home from work. Sure does make life easier when you don't have to clean up just before you are going to make a mess! He seems to be finding his niche in the highschool, and it sounds like he is starting to make a few new friends. Some of the people he has science lab with are actually boys that he was friends with in Junior and Senior kindergarten. What are the chances, huh?

He has started to figure out what he needs for his science project that is due in a couple of weeks, so I guess I will be making sure all of those items are in the house so that he can start the first series of experiments. Oh, the joys...

Pounding headache tonight...better try to get to sleep a bit earlier tonight...

Grade 6 - the saga continues..

After the hell that we had gone through at the end of Grade 5, we were really looking forward to the summer. S had a few weeks at a day camp, and had a lot of fun doing so. He never had any problems with any of the other kids, he never got in to fights, or lost his temper. He just had fun. Isn't that strange?


Early in the summer, I received a telephone call from a physio-therapist to do an assessment on S. When he received his formal 'placement' at the end of Grade 4, a requisition form had been sent in to further assess his abilities, and his name had finally come to the top of the pile. So, the PT came to our house a few times to do further assessments with S. At the end of the testing, she informed us that she would be recommending that S receive assistive devices (laptop and specialized software) from the school. She was going to deem these essential to his learning, thereby making it something the board would provide.


The beginning of the school year was interesting - our new principal was off for 2 months. So, we had an acting principal. She was a lovely lady, a retired principal that had agreed to the 60 day stint. The thing I liked about her - she had a lot of experience in the special educational field, so when we held S's meeting for his IEP, and the PT recommended the various items, this principal had no qualms about signing off on them. My spirits were raised - to a degree. Having the authorization for a laptop and actually GETTING the laptop can be a very long wait - up to an 8 month wait, I was later told.


Funny enough, for the 2 months that we had the acting principal, I received NOT ONE SINGLE PHONE CALL with respect to either boy. But, three days after Ms. B returned, I get a call about an incident in the classroom. S had threatened another student. Apparently. So, off I go to the school (thank heavens I have an very understanding boss) to determine if I have to take him home or not. After much conversation with S, and the principal, it was decided he could stay at school. The classroom teacher, however, was not wanting him to come back to the class. She had a concern about S having held scissors to another boys' throat. WHAT?!?! This was news that had not been disclosed earlier. Upon my insistence, the other boy was questioned further by both teacher and principal, and it was determined that he had 'made up' the story about the scissors because he was embarrassed about getting upset at S. So that makes it okay. Well, in our school it does, because the other boy was NOT reprimanded, did not apologize to S, nothing. He simply returned to the classroom. End of discussion - he was embarrassed enough, why make it worse. (Oh, the thoughts running through my head...)


So, onward the school year went. A few problems on the bus every now and then...probably a couple of bus suspensions. I have a binder full of these details - moving up to a two inch one now. The next big event happened in April, I guess. The A-man and S had a fight on the school bus one afternoon, and both of them received a one-week bus suspension. I thought it was a bit extreme considering this was the FIRST problem A-man had on the bus this year, but I did agree that they were just being idiots, and needed to suffer these consequences. I am not the type of mother that thinks her children can do no wrong, and will follow through when they mess up. So, rather than rearrange MY schedule to fit their errors, I made arrangements for the boys to be 'walkers' for the week - they walked to MIL's house, which is about 10 blocks from the school. (Hey, ya can't behave on the privilege that is the school bus, ya walk!) They received their bus privileges back on a Thursday.

On the next Tuesday, I get a phone call from a teacher at the school. Apparently he was acting principal for the day, and S had just had a major melt-down at the school...he went on, and on, and ON to tell me all the errors of S's ways. Now, one thing I have been remiss to mention - the school had implemented a "Safe Plan" for S after his big problem the year before - he had started to become a 'flight risk' as he would leave the school yard when upset. So, the safe plan had been devised to establish a plan of attack when/if he ran. The biggest thing in the plan was that S was NOT to be approached when/if he went outside. He was to be observed from a safe distance (in the school), and to be given the time to calm himself down. Of course, the ideal was that he not leave the school, but there were days that he just didn't keep that in his head - he just felt the need to 'escape'.

So, as I'm hearing the tale of what had transpired - again, the names LB and Tay were brought up more than once- the details that my sons had another incident on the bus the night before was suddenly mentioned. THEN I find out the the acting principal had gone outside to demand S come back in the school, and while doing so, S had become even more aggitated (as he is prone to do) and made some comments that apparently really upset the teacher. Hubby was able to go to the school to pick up S. We discussed the problem at length that evening, and discovered that this incident had started much earlier in the day, and again, LB and Tay had started to bug, and bug and bug. LB then threw a ball directly at S's head while he was 'out' and against the wall. For some strange reason, S took that to be an attack on himself, and retaliated. Imagine.

The next morning, a Wednesday, we had a bit of rough start to the morning, and I had dropped the boys off at school, rather than rush to catch the bus. At 9:30 or so, I get a phone call from Hubby. At 8:50 he had received a phone call from Ms. B telling him that he needed to come and get S immediately as he was suspended from school for a week, and both boys were off the bus for the remainder of the school year. Now, I know Ms. B was just arriving at the school when I dropped the boys off (about 8:45) so she had not had the time necessary to review all of the facts of the previous days' events, but had decided instantly that this must be his punishment. That seems fair, huh? When hubby arrived at the school, she told him that she was also going to suspend the other two boys for their involvement in the event. She had not even had time to have the formal suspension form completed - she said that would come home later. (??!!)

So, S is home - again - for another five days. Now, it just so happened that I had a pre-scheduled IPRC review meeting at the school that day. I was beside myself with fury that day. I also decided that further action was necessary on this. I pulled all stops that morning. I contacted the person I knew from the ADHD association to get some details on the new rulings within the Special Education Committees in our county, and to get the contact information for the lawyer that had talked about the problems with suspensions for children such as S. Apparently there were legal concerns about the 'suspension "laws"' as they were prejudiced to students with LD's, etc., and I wanted further clarification on the current legal rulings. I then formulated a request for review of the suspension - and faxed that request along with a summary of the days events to the superintendent's office. I would hand deliver the letter to the principal at the afternoon meeting. I also contacted a professional advocate that I had met at a conference to ask his advice - and to hire him if I needed to. (Momma lion - BIG roar.) We had a very long conversation, and he was nice enough to provide his services probono.

I arrived at the IPRC meeting, and I had prepared myself to NOT rehash the events of the previous day, and to stick to the issue at hand. The IPRC. The meeting started, and everyone was very good to stick to the agenda, but the classroom teacher did slip up and start to discuss the events of the previous day. No one stopped her, and she continued for a while, and I interrupted her, told her that I felt that issue was far to raw and fresh, and asked that we get back on task. My ears were burning. Suddenly the principal was all "Yes, we are not here to discuss yesterday." grrrr.... So, the meeting concluded, and I was handed the formal suspension letter. I hand the principal the request for review. She read it, and said, "Wow. That was fast." I was very deadpan when I answered, "I don't fool around." As we were leaving the office, I inquired about the other two boys' having received a suspension and she told me that they had not yet been suspended as she had to contact the superintendent to determine the best course of action. That was total BS - and I knew that - because the principal has the ultimate decision on who is suspended, and for what length of time. The superintendent does not need to be involved in that. I let it slide.

While in the meeting, the special ed teacher asked me about Stephen's state of mind - was he worried or concerned about returning to school? I said I didn't really know because when we had talked about it last night, we didn't know he was suspended, so the idea of 'returning' to school was not an issue . That night I asked S what he thought would happen when he returned to school, and he told me, "I'm dead." He then when on to explain that LB and Tay were going to 'kill' him if they got in trouble. Yeah, let's make a child with an anxiety disorder already more anxious.

The next morning I went in to the school to let the special ed teacher know what Stephen had said. The principal was away for this day (a Thursday) and the following day. (She is hardly ever in the school, it seems.) I also let the Special Ed teacher know that I had contacted a lawyer to determine if all that was happening in our school was even legal, given the diagnosis that had been given to S. She asked me if that meant I was planning to sue the school? I told her no, that I just wanted to make sure that no Ontario Human Rights laws were not being broken. I also told her that I thought they might be. We had a good conversation - that is all I am going to say about that.

That afternoon I emailed the Special Ed teacher a letter expressing my concern about the safety of S in the school. The problems regarding bullying had continued to escalate through out the school year, and now S was starting to fear for his safety. It was a very well written, well thought out letter, if I do say so myself. I explained how S was involved in extra-curricular activites, and never experienced the problems he encounters at school, that at home we never have these outbursts, etc. - the problems were ONLY occurring at the school. I was also contacted by the lawyer and advised that although we would not qualify for legal aide (I didn't realize he was a legal aide lawyer) he did take "precident-setting cases" pro bono, and would hubby and I be able to come to his office next Tuesday to discuss the case. We had a case?

On Friday morning, I went in to the school to pick up some school work for S, and to talk to the A-man's teacher about something. I also wanted some clarification on something LB indicated S had said. I was very leary about what any of the kids said since the whole scissor incident in the Fall. While in the office, low and behold, little LB comes walking into the office to do his 'reading' for the morning announcements. The biggest irony was that he was doing a reading about "not causing harm to your fellow man." I lost it. I very quickly left the school, cried all the way to work, and then I fired off a very ANGRY email to the special ed teacher. Neither of these boys had been suspended, or reprimanded in any way shape or form, and I realized that NOTHING was going to be done to them. Poor woman - I'm sure she was hating me by now.

Friday evening, around 5:30, there had been a message on my machine at home from the superintendent. She wanted to discuss my request for review, and would call me at the office on Monday. Prior to receiving that phone call, I had contacted our trustee to inquire about the legal ramificatios of suspending a special education child from the buses. I had been told that was not legal, and I wanted to clarify that. Now the trustee was aware of the CRAP we were going through.

Monday brought some interesting events. I had a very long conversation with the superintendent. I rehashed the events of the previous year - she had NOT been made aware of any of that event by either the principal or her secretary - and I explained the problems of the bullying S had been encountering. That afternoon, around 4, I received a phone call from Ms. B telling me that S's suspension had been lessened, and he could return to school the next day. Wow - one day less. He got to return on Tuesday rather than Wednesday. However, there was good news - the superintendent felt that S qualified for some special 'top kid' funding, and he would receive a temporary EA for 2 weeks. This was to assist with his re-entry to the school. I asked if that meant the suspension was going to be removed from his OSR, and the principal seemed surprised that I would expect that. I called the supers office to thank her for her involvement, and to ask if the suspension was going to be removed. I wasn't able to speak with the super, but was advised that it had been decided that the suspension would be removed at the end of the school year if S was successful within the remaining two months.

Tuesday - re-entry meeting. S was advised by the principal that he did not need to worry about LB or Tay for that day - they were not at school. (Jori mentally raised a fist in the air with a shout of "YES!") He was also told that the next day he would meet Mrs. T - his temporary EA. The next day, we met Mrs. T - and Ms. B was not in the office. (Shocking) The next day, Thursday, a letter comes home introducing Mr. O as our 'temporary principal' as Ms. B was going to be away "for about a month". Hmmm...what was that all about? I had (and still have) my suspicions.

I will have to sign off now. There is a bit more to come, but most of it is good from now on in. I really liked Mr. O, for the record.