Here is the letter S will be giving to his teachers when he starts school next week:
Dear Teacher,
I would like to provide you with some information one of your Grade 9 students this year – S.
I know you will be receiving a copy of his IEP within the next few weeks, but I thought it would be best to start the year with all of details about his special educational requirements fully explained, and to also let you know that I would appreciate being kept aware of his progress in your classroom via email. Above, you will notice I’ve provided my various contact numbers and home email address for your records.
S has been diagnosed with a number of learning disabilities, in addition to having ADHD, Aspergers and a Generalized Anxiety Disorder. He has had a board-provided laptop for two years, and has been well-trained on all of the programs installed on his system. S and I also participated in a Board-sanctioned training program over the summer and we are both prepared to ensure a positive and successful transition to his next level of education.
While attending the training program in August, the Superintendent of Special Education assured the parents that most of the text books utilized in our schools have already been scanned and are available through the Board office. I would appreciate it if you could let me know the details of any textbooks that will be used in your classroom so that I can ensure he has what is required already on his system. If you can email with this information sometime this week, I will confirm the data is on his system over the weekend.
In addition to having his textbook available electronically, I wanted to advise you that S does have a graphomotor disability, and should not be requested to copy detailed notes from the board. His IEP will indicate that this information be provided to him already prepared, so that he can make notations as the work is being discussed in class. (If possible, it would ideal if the information could be provided in advance to allow him the opportunity to scan it into the laptop prior to class and make electronic notations, but I do realize this won’t always be realistic.)
S will utilize Kurzweil (a text-to-voice software program) to assist him with the reading of the text, and Dragon Naturally Speaking (DNS) will be used for the inputting of his information. DNS is a text-to-voice program that allows him to share his thoughts and ideas freely – he will use this program to speak into the computer, get his thought into print, and will then require some time to edit the information into suitable context.
For the past three years, S has had EA support, and I have been advised this will continue during his time at your school. I’m not fully understanding of how EA support works within the high school environment and ask for your patience while both S and I adjust to this.
Now, a little bit about his Aspergers. In January 2008, S underwent some extensive medical testing, including an fMRI at a hospital. The fMRI is a functional MRI that actually monitored and assessed his brainwave function. In a nutshell – and using a few technical terms as possible! - the results of this test indicated that S needs information to be provided repetitively for it to become rote - his brain simply does not encode novel tasks. He processes everything in a literal manner, and is not able to conceptualize how his present actions can/will affect his future. He lacks imagination and will not be able to visual/conceptualize new ideas. He can neither read nor understand facial expressions/voice tones, and often will not look you in the eye when speaking. He will not do this to be rude – he simply is unable to do this, so please don’t force this issue as he can become agitated.
With respect to the ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), S has been fortunate to have been experiencing fewer and fewer symptoms of the GAD, and hopefully won’t have any problems at highschool. He has been known to become very anxious during transitional periods or during times that are out of the norm (such as leaving ‘normal class’ to go to the gym for an assembly.) Past experience has shown that when advised of schedule adjustments in advance, he tends to cope better. S experiences typical ADHD behaviour – sometimes he will need gentle reminders to remain on task (without drawing attention to him) and he does not have innate organizational abilities. Due to his short working memory, he will require reminders about recording homework assignments and assistance in determining the best plan of attack for large projects/assignments. Again, this is where it would be helpful to send me an email with homework details so that I can ensure he stays on task.
Despite the conditions I have explained to you, S is a very happy teen that truly wants to do well, and is very willing to please others. Nothing makes him happier than to be of assistance in some way, shape or form. He is very musically inclined, loves to do magic tricks, and is happy to tell you the latest joke he has heard. He has an average-to-above-average IQ, and has the ability to do well in school if provided the necessary accommodations. S has been the target of bullies in the past, and as such, tends to want to ensure all rules are clearly explained and treatment for all is ‘fair.’
I have always been very involved in my son’s education, and would like to see this continue at high school. I realize that my child is not perfect, and I also recognize that S’s perception is often very different than the perception of others. I am willing to take the time to ‘peel the layers’ to get to the heart of any/all issues with him, and it is my sincere hope that together we will have an opportunity to ensure his success. Once the school year has begun, I would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you and further discuss the information I’ve included in this letter. I apologize for the length of this letter, however I feel it is very important to start the new year/new school with as much information shared as possible.
I will contact the school within the next two weeks to set up a meeting if I don’t hear from you prior.
Thank you for your time – I look forward to meeting you soon.
Showing posts with label bullies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bullies. Show all posts
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
And onward
The 3-week old chicks have arrived. They are quite a bit bigger than I was expecting them to be, to tell the truth.
They have lost most of their “chick fuzz” and are mostly feathers. They still have the underlying fuzz around their necks and under their wings. You can even see a big of the combs starting to form on their heads now. We have a couple of heat lamps in the brooding pen, but I don’t think it will be too long before we are able to put them out in the coop.
All are very skittish, and I now understand where the term “You are such a chicken” comes from. If you make any type of sudden move around their pen, they will all go running the other way. They can be quite comical at times, actually.
S was very excited about the arrival of the birds. He sat outside and watched them for the better part of an hour. After supper I went out to watch them with him, and was quite surprised to hear his analogy on the “pecking order” of the chicks.
“Look at those ones there, Mom. See how the two of them are alone in the corner over there? Those two are the geeks. They are like me and J. They have a good time just themselves, just pecking away in the corner and having fun together. Now watch what happens. She how she is going to head over to the main group and try to fit in? Yeah – watch that big one; I call her ‘Bertha the Bully’. Watch what she does. See?! She just pecked her and then jumped on her! They are so mean to the geeks, but the geeks would let them come in to the corner and peck with them. They wouldn’t mind at all.”
In his mind, S has divided the chicks into three separate and distinct groups – the ‘populars’, the ‘regulars’, and the ‘geeks’. I honestly don’t think he can tell any two chickens apart, but he swears he knows which one is Bertha. “She’s the fastest one; the biggest one. She knows she’s bigger than all the others.”
The first thing he did this morning – even before getting dressed – was to go out to the garage and check on the chicks. I’m sure he is going to do all that he can to try and make these chickens his friends. Not sure that he will be successful in that venture, but you never know. (And yes, he is very clear about the fate of these birds and realizes he won't get to keep any as 'pets')
I will confess though – it absolutely broke my heart to hear him talking the way he did. I remember being in Grade 8 and how hard it was to not be one of the popular ones. The chosen ones. Everyone wanted to be like “them” but it was impossible to get in, no matter how hard you tried, no matter what you did. When I mentioned S’s conversation this morning, my assistant commented that it sounded like S had accepted the divisions. I said that I felt he was more resigned to it rather than accepting of it. She’d never thought of it that way.
The A-man stayed home from school today. He told me that he was sick, but I am pretty sure he was just over tired. He’s been working pretty hard the past three days trying to get caught up on his English assignments that he didn’t get done. He will be getting a failing grade on his mid-term because he had so many assignments that simply were not handed in. When I spoke with the teacher, he assured me that he would mark the assignments and apply them to the A-man’s final grade. He told me that he realizes the A-man is more than able to complete the work and this has been proven by the assignments and tests that he has completed in class. I was glad to hear that, but I think I am going to have to address the organizational portion of the A-man’s IEP.
At this point, I'm starting to thing that it's simply not clear enough for the teachers. They just don’t get that he lacks the ability to start something if he isn’t given absolutely clear and set directions to do so. This teacher provided them with one sheet with a number of dates in which assignments would be due. Yeah - that doesn't work for him.
(sigh) Just when I feel like things are on the upswing, we always have a few bumps in the road! Not sure if I will be able to have it addessed this year, but I will be SURE to make an appointment to meet with ALL of his teacher's next year to address these issues. Will also be making an appointment with the Special Ed teacher to ensure the IEP is even more clear than it currently is.
They have lost most of their “chick fuzz” and are mostly feathers. They still have the underlying fuzz around their necks and under their wings. You can even see a big of the combs starting to form on their heads now. We have a couple of heat lamps in the brooding pen, but I don’t think it will be too long before we are able to put them out in the coop.
All are very skittish, and I now understand where the term “You are such a chicken” comes from. If you make any type of sudden move around their pen, they will all go running the other way. They can be quite comical at times, actually.
S was very excited about the arrival of the birds. He sat outside and watched them for the better part of an hour. After supper I went out to watch them with him, and was quite surprised to hear his analogy on the “pecking order” of the chicks.
“Look at those ones there, Mom. See how the two of them are alone in the corner over there? Those two are the geeks. They are like me and J. They have a good time just themselves, just pecking away in the corner and having fun together. Now watch what happens. She how she is going to head over to the main group and try to fit in? Yeah – watch that big one; I call her ‘Bertha the Bully’. Watch what she does. See?! She just pecked her and then jumped on her! They are so mean to the geeks, but the geeks would let them come in to the corner and peck with them. They wouldn’t mind at all.”
In his mind, S has divided the chicks into three separate and distinct groups – the ‘populars’, the ‘regulars’, and the ‘geeks’. I honestly don’t think he can tell any two chickens apart, but he swears he knows which one is Bertha. “She’s the fastest one; the biggest one. She knows she’s bigger than all the others.”
The first thing he did this morning – even before getting dressed – was to go out to the garage and check on the chicks. I’m sure he is going to do all that he can to try and make these chickens his friends. Not sure that he will be successful in that venture, but you never know. (And yes, he is very clear about the fate of these birds and realizes he won't get to keep any as 'pets')
I will confess though – it absolutely broke my heart to hear him talking the way he did. I remember being in Grade 8 and how hard it was to not be one of the popular ones. The chosen ones. Everyone wanted to be like “them” but it was impossible to get in, no matter how hard you tried, no matter what you did. When I mentioned S’s conversation this morning, my assistant commented that it sounded like S had accepted the divisions. I said that I felt he was more resigned to it rather than accepting of it. She’d never thought of it that way.
The A-man stayed home from school today. He told me that he was sick, but I am pretty sure he was just over tired. He’s been working pretty hard the past three days trying to get caught up on his English assignments that he didn’t get done. He will be getting a failing grade on his mid-term because he had so many assignments that simply were not handed in. When I spoke with the teacher, he assured me that he would mark the assignments and apply them to the A-man’s final grade. He told me that he realizes the A-man is more than able to complete the work and this has been proven by the assignments and tests that he has completed in class. I was glad to hear that, but I think I am going to have to address the organizational portion of the A-man’s IEP.
At this point, I'm starting to thing that it's simply not clear enough for the teachers. They just don’t get that he lacks the ability to start something if he isn’t given absolutely clear and set directions to do so. This teacher provided them with one sheet with a number of dates in which assignments would be due. Yeah - that doesn't work for him.
(sigh) Just when I feel like things are on the upswing, we always have a few bumps in the road! Not sure if I will be able to have it addessed this year, but I will be SURE to make an appointment to meet with ALL of his teacher's next year to address these issues. Will also be making an appointment with the Special Ed teacher to ensure the IEP is even more clear than it currently is.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
My bully wish
The Bully Factor.
It would appear that it is a part of life, regardless of where you live. My dear friend Bear shared a blog excerpt with me today. It was written by a young man living with both bipolar and Aspergers.
In his blog he explained the vicious cycle whereby being a child with Aspergers caused the bulling, which caused the anxiety, which caused post traumatic stress, which then aggravated his bipolar, which then brought out even more Asperger symptoms. What a sad, sad, never ending cycle.
I'm not sure if his parents/guardians were aware of what he was going through when it was happening, but they must have been. How could they not? He was in a fight so bad that he ended up with a broken jaw!
If I could be granted just one wish, it wouldn't be that all bullying stopped - I think that would be next to impossible.
My wish would be that all people were educated about the seriousness, the full detrimental effect that bullying, teasing, and tormenting can have on a person. I do believe that the bully often times believes they are 'just having fun' and not truly aware of how their so-called 'fun' can be at the (very serious) expense of another human's mental well-being. If THAT awareness could be raised, I think the world might just be a better place.
If I could add an additional educational tag to this wish, I would also wish that all parents have the knowledge, the time and the willingness to do battle against a bully and the yeast that allows this spawn to continue to ferment.
Last Spring I spoke to the mother of a girl that was actually not in school for the last two months of the year because it was just easier than going through the proper channels to make the bully stop. I was so upset by this.
My feeling was that rather than showing her daughter that she was there to help her, she (in my opinion) was simply showing her, "Well, I can't do anything about it. Just stay home and avoid that group of girls."
I tried to educate this Mom in to the "proper procedures" that need to be followed within the board; basically how to work the system to her advantage. She listened to what I suggested, but I'm sure she was thinking, "That is just too much work." It was simply easier to keep the girl home.
Education. That is my wish.
It would appear that it is a part of life, regardless of where you live. My dear friend Bear shared a blog excerpt with me today. It was written by a young man living with both bipolar and Aspergers.
In his blog he explained the vicious cycle whereby being a child with Aspergers caused the bulling, which caused the anxiety, which caused post traumatic stress, which then aggravated his bipolar, which then brought out even more Asperger symptoms. What a sad, sad, never ending cycle.
I'm not sure if his parents/guardians were aware of what he was going through when it was happening, but they must have been. How could they not? He was in a fight so bad that he ended up with a broken jaw!
If I could be granted just one wish, it wouldn't be that all bullying stopped - I think that would be next to impossible.
My wish would be that all people were educated about the seriousness, the full detrimental effect that bullying, teasing, and tormenting can have on a person. I do believe that the bully often times believes they are 'just having fun' and not truly aware of how their so-called 'fun' can be at the (very serious) expense of another human's mental well-being. If THAT awareness could be raised, I think the world might just be a better place.
If I could add an additional educational tag to this wish, I would also wish that all parents have the knowledge, the time and the willingness to do battle against a bully and the yeast that allows this spawn to continue to ferment.
Last Spring I spoke to the mother of a girl that was actually not in school for the last two months of the year because it was just easier than going through the proper channels to make the bully stop. I was so upset by this.
My feeling was that rather than showing her daughter that she was there to help her, she (in my opinion) was simply showing her, "Well, I can't do anything about it. Just stay home and avoid that group of girls."
I tried to educate this Mom in to the "proper procedures" that need to be followed within the board; basically how to work the system to her advantage. She listened to what I suggested, but I'm sure she was thinking, "That is just too much work." It was simply easier to keep the girl home.
Education. That is my wish.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Weekend update
Just when I think things are showing signs of improvement, one little event comes along to just give me a tap on the head and provide me with reminders.
On Saturday, we went to my parent’s cottage for the weekend. This is a great place – the whole family has a great time there, and have ever since my parents bought it 5 years ago. We have been going there for 5 seasons with no major concerns.
S and the A-man have made friends with some of the local kids, and they are often gone for most of the weekend – or they have friends over to either go swimming or fishing, or during rainy days, or chilly days, to watch movies. This has been the norm.
On Saturday, after dinner, one little girl – my parent’s neighbour – came in and was trying to get the A-man to come with her. S was out, over at his friend’s house, and we all just assumed that she wanted the A-man to come and play too. (He’d had enough of the ‘little kids’ for a while, and was content to sit and read his book.) She was very insistent that the A-man comes with her – which is not like this girl.
I asked her what was going on – why did she need the A-man to come with her. Then she told me that S was in a fight down by the corner store, and she wanted the A-man to come and help his brother.
Well, the mamma lion didn’t need a second word to come out. I had my shoes on, and was heading out the door as I told her that I would be going to help S.
When I got to the area, S and two friends were surrounded by a number of boys that I have never met before. The little neighbour girl filled me in on what had transpired prior to the ‘fight’ and it appeared to me that the other boys instigated the turn of events, but knowing S as I do, I also knew he would (or rather COULD) make things far worse than should be.
When I arrived, there were a number of conflicting stories about what had transpired. I could tell S was still quite heated and agitated, so after a few minutes, I suggested that he just head back to the cottage, and I leave me to talk with the others.
I don’t know if the conversation we had did any good, but my hope is that these boys don’t start anything with him again. The cottage is the one place that S has always felt ‘normal’ and like he belonged.
He’s never had to deal with bully issues, he has always had friends, and he has always enjoyed the freedom of being able to come and go and just hang out with friends. The one boy actually turned out to be one of the friends S had made during a weekend camp last year. I asked him why he had started to pick on S, and he said that he didn’t, but S just over-reacted to something. I hope that is the case, and we don’t see a repeat of this event again.
As I was walking back to the cottage, S’s friends told me that the other boys had started it, and they are known to be ‘jerks’ at the local school. I had a nice long conversation with S, about what happened, how he could have done things differently, that sort of thing. (How much of it will actually sink in and remain is a whole other story, so we shall see.)
Kids… gotta love’em.
Mother’s Day was nice – I got a card from the boys, and S went out and picked me a lovely bouquet of ‘wildflowers’ – aka dandelions. My mom and I worked on cleaning out a scrubby area in the back edge of the property, and we just generally had a very productive day. When I arrived back home last night, I was beat.
And, onward to another week…
On Saturday, we went to my parent’s cottage for the weekend. This is a great place – the whole family has a great time there, and have ever since my parents bought it 5 years ago. We have been going there for 5 seasons with no major concerns.
S and the A-man have made friends with some of the local kids, and they are often gone for most of the weekend – or they have friends over to either go swimming or fishing, or during rainy days, or chilly days, to watch movies. This has been the norm.
On Saturday, after dinner, one little girl – my parent’s neighbour – came in and was trying to get the A-man to come with her. S was out, over at his friend’s house, and we all just assumed that she wanted the A-man to come and play too. (He’d had enough of the ‘little kids’ for a while, and was content to sit and read his book.) She was very insistent that the A-man comes with her – which is not like this girl.
I asked her what was going on – why did she need the A-man to come with her. Then she told me that S was in a fight down by the corner store, and she wanted the A-man to come and help his brother.
Well, the mamma lion didn’t need a second word to come out. I had my shoes on, and was heading out the door as I told her that I would be going to help S.
When I got to the area, S and two friends were surrounded by a number of boys that I have never met before. The little neighbour girl filled me in on what had transpired prior to the ‘fight’ and it appeared to me that the other boys instigated the turn of events, but knowing S as I do, I also knew he would (or rather COULD) make things far worse than should be.
When I arrived, there were a number of conflicting stories about what had transpired. I could tell S was still quite heated and agitated, so after a few minutes, I suggested that he just head back to the cottage, and I leave me to talk with the others.
I don’t know if the conversation we had did any good, but my hope is that these boys don’t start anything with him again. The cottage is the one place that S has always felt ‘normal’ and like he belonged.
He’s never had to deal with bully issues, he has always had friends, and he has always enjoyed the freedom of being able to come and go and just hang out with friends. The one boy actually turned out to be one of the friends S had made during a weekend camp last year. I asked him why he had started to pick on S, and he said that he didn’t, but S just over-reacted to something. I hope that is the case, and we don’t see a repeat of this event again.
As I was walking back to the cottage, S’s friends told me that the other boys had started it, and they are known to be ‘jerks’ at the local school. I had a nice long conversation with S, about what happened, how he could have done things differently, that sort of thing. (How much of it will actually sink in and remain is a whole other story, so we shall see.)
Kids… gotta love’em.
Mother’s Day was nice – I got a card from the boys, and S went out and picked me a lovely bouquet of ‘wildflowers’ – aka dandelions. My mom and I worked on cleaning out a scrubby area in the back edge of the property, and we just generally had a very productive day. When I arrived back home last night, I was beat.
And, onward to another week…
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Amazed
There are some days that I am absolutely amazed that I have made it through the past 10 plus years. Days that I think back to my ‘days of hell’ and think, “Were they really that bad?”
You know what? They really were.
I remember taking the A-man to see a doctor when he was in Grade 1. “His teacher thinks he has ADHD,” I said. The doctor smiled, and said, “He’s a bit of a handful, is he?”
We went through all of the questions relating to ADHD, and for most of the questions I answered, “No, but that sure does describe his brother!” Yet, STILL, I did not pursue that further with S. (Not sure, now, why I didn’t request further testing at that point…probably because S was only 4 at the time - too young for an ADHD dx.)
I used to joke with the school principal that she had me on speed dial in her office, because if she wasn’t phoning me about one of the boys, she was calling about the other! My personal favourite was when she was calling about them both – because they had been fighting (with each other) either on the bus or in the schoolyard.
Suspensions from the bus were not uncommon, but I do still feel that the bus driver held some pent-up resentment for both of my children.
From the time the A-man was in JK at age 4, until his Tourette and ADHD dx at the end of Grade 7, phone calls home were the norm. Teachers, I’m sure, felt they needed ‘battle pay’ after a year with him as a student.
S wasn’t as problematic at the beginning of his school life. The real problems began when the bully issues began. What a flipping nightmare those years were. Those are years that I never want to relive, and I am so sad that he had to go through them at all. But, at least we have FINALLY had a positive year for him. Amazing how all things get better when the bully is dealt with, and the necessary support systems are put in place to address his various learning disabilities.
Hubby used to have to take my calls at work. “Honey, they are driving me crazy,” I would sob in to the phone. Some days I put on my Walkman and just sat in my room with the door closed so that I could distance myself.
There were days that I was SO angry with them. I truly did not like them some nights. I always LOVED them, and told them so every single night, but I did not like how they were behaving, and couldn’t be with them for any length of time.
Now… I love spending time with my sons. They both have an incredible sense of humour, and I really enjoying seeing how their various thoughts have developed and grown. I can have serious conversations with the A-man – about many subjects! And I’m not really to commit myself at the end of the conversation!
It was hard – no doubt about it – but I think that just makes the peace of now that much sweeter.
You know what? They really were.
I remember taking the A-man to see a doctor when he was in Grade 1. “His teacher thinks he has ADHD,” I said. The doctor smiled, and said, “He’s a bit of a handful, is he?”
We went through all of the questions relating to ADHD, and for most of the questions I answered, “No, but that sure does describe his brother!” Yet, STILL, I did not pursue that further with S. (Not sure, now, why I didn’t request further testing at that point…probably because S was only 4 at the time - too young for an ADHD dx.)
I used to joke with the school principal that she had me on speed dial in her office, because if she wasn’t phoning me about one of the boys, she was calling about the other! My personal favourite was when she was calling about them both – because they had been fighting (with each other) either on the bus or in the schoolyard.
Suspensions from the bus were not uncommon, but I do still feel that the bus driver held some pent-up resentment for both of my children.
From the time the A-man was in JK at age 4, until his Tourette and ADHD dx at the end of Grade 7, phone calls home were the norm. Teachers, I’m sure, felt they needed ‘battle pay’ after a year with him as a student.
S wasn’t as problematic at the beginning of his school life. The real problems began when the bully issues began. What a flipping nightmare those years were. Those are years that I never want to relive, and I am so sad that he had to go through them at all. But, at least we have FINALLY had a positive year for him. Amazing how all things get better when the bully is dealt with, and the necessary support systems are put in place to address his various learning disabilities.
Hubby used to have to take my calls at work. “Honey, they are driving me crazy,” I would sob in to the phone. Some days I put on my Walkman and just sat in my room with the door closed so that I could distance myself.
There were days that I was SO angry with them. I truly did not like them some nights. I always LOVED them, and told them so every single night, but I did not like how they were behaving, and couldn’t be with them for any length of time.
Now… I love spending time with my sons. They both have an incredible sense of humour, and I really enjoying seeing how their various thoughts have developed and grown. I can have serious conversations with the A-man – about many subjects! And I’m not really to commit myself at the end of the conversation!
It was hard – no doubt about it – but I think that just makes the peace of now that much sweeter.
Friday, March 28, 2008
TGIF
I am so happy today! Cuz is coming for a visit!!!!!!! :o)
Got an email from her yesterday and it looked shaky for a little while - her hubby has been so ill, and, yet again, there is another kink in the plans. But, I got a phone call from her last night, and it turns out that he didn't need to be admitted to the hospital (thank heavens) but he is now on a heavy duty antibiotic to try and clean up the infection around his new pacemaker. Lately it seems like it's one thing after another, and it has both of them stressed out to the max. I'm feeling for them. So glad I'm going to be seeing you soon!
The A-man didn't get to have his toe procedure yesterday, after all. There is still infection around the site, so our family doctor has put him on another dose of antibotics, and scheduled some time in amblatory care at the hospital for the removal of the wedge of toe nail. Doctor gave a pretty stern lesson on the proper care of nails - both toes and fingers - and I am hoping the A-man actually got it. I've been telling him the same thing for years, but I am just a nag...
Yesterday was Grade 10 literacy testing day across Ontario, so the A-man only had school in the afternoon. Half an hour for each class. Apparently most of his friends were not at school yesterday, but his English teacher (smart lady) told her class that they would be doing the first half of their test, and only a doctor's note would be accepted as reason for not being at school.
The A-man has been asked by a friend to tutor him in math. The boy is in applied Math, and is currently getting a very low mark in the class. The A-man is in acedemic Math, with a 95%, so I guess it was pretty smart to ask him for help. A-man went to the school library to meet the boy - as arranged - and the boy didn't come to school! The A-man said it was okay, because he just used that time to study for his test. Sometimes I still wonder if this is the same child I lived with 2 years ago...
Not that I am complaining!!
S has been having a really good week in school, too. There have been a couple of notes in his agenda saying that he has been staying on task, completing his work, etc. I love it when I get those notes!
I was actually surprised to realize that I have no idea what is happening in S's school right now. I used to be SO involved in the school - both as a volunteer and because I was often in the Principal's office for a meeting about one or the other child - but now, I am there so very rarely. This year I have not received that many phone calls, and, well, things have simmered down quite a bit. Huh - once all of the supports are in place, it's amazing how well the boy can do! The last suspension from last year should be exponged by the end of Grade 8! (Not that I am bragging, but I knew it would be once the bully was dealt with, and the learning issues were too!)
And...off to work!
Got an email from her yesterday and it looked shaky for a little while - her hubby has been so ill, and, yet again, there is another kink in the plans. But, I got a phone call from her last night, and it turns out that he didn't need to be admitted to the hospital (thank heavens) but he is now on a heavy duty antibiotic to try and clean up the infection around his new pacemaker. Lately it seems like it's one thing after another, and it has both of them stressed out to the max. I'm feeling for them. So glad I'm going to be seeing you soon!
The A-man didn't get to have his toe procedure yesterday, after all. There is still infection around the site, so our family doctor has put him on another dose of antibotics, and scheduled some time in amblatory care at the hospital for the removal of the wedge of toe nail. Doctor gave a pretty stern lesson on the proper care of nails - both toes and fingers - and I am hoping the A-man actually got it. I've been telling him the same thing for years, but I am just a nag...
Yesterday was Grade 10 literacy testing day across Ontario, so the A-man only had school in the afternoon. Half an hour for each class. Apparently most of his friends were not at school yesterday, but his English teacher (smart lady) told her class that they would be doing the first half of their test, and only a doctor's note would be accepted as reason for not being at school.
The A-man has been asked by a friend to tutor him in math. The boy is in applied Math, and is currently getting a very low mark in the class. The A-man is in acedemic Math, with a 95%, so I guess it was pretty smart to ask him for help. A-man went to the school library to meet the boy - as arranged - and the boy didn't come to school! The A-man said it was okay, because he just used that time to study for his test. Sometimes I still wonder if this is the same child I lived with 2 years ago...
Not that I am complaining!!
S has been having a really good week in school, too. There have been a couple of notes in his agenda saying that he has been staying on task, completing his work, etc. I love it when I get those notes!
I was actually surprised to realize that I have no idea what is happening in S's school right now. I used to be SO involved in the school - both as a volunteer and because I was often in the Principal's office for a meeting about one or the other child - but now, I am there so very rarely. This year I have not received that many phone calls, and, well, things have simmered down quite a bit. Huh - once all of the supports are in place, it's amazing how well the boy can do! The last suspension from last year should be exponged by the end of Grade 8! (Not that I am bragging, but I knew it would be once the bully was dealt with, and the learning issues were too!)
And...off to work!
Friday, March 7, 2008
Coping?
Here is a copy of a letter I wrote to my darling Bear today - I think it summarizes how I am feeling right now:
"Got your message today. Thanks.
I'm really not upset about him having Aspergers, I'm really not. I guess it just TICKS ME OFF that I have two wonderful children - beautiful boys, really - that have to go through all of the FREAKING learning issues. They are both so bright - hell, the A-man is 5 IQ points off of being classed as 'gifted' - and they just have to struggle all of the time, to do just the simplest of daily things.
Do you know S can't tie his shoes? Now we know why - right side of brain affects fine motor skills.
For years I have struggled with them being suspended from school, from the bus, causing problems here, there and everywhere. Skating coaches created routines that work around my boys' non-compliance. Total strangers making the "God, I wouldn't want to be THAT kid's mother" while they are pointing at one of my children. You know how many times I have had to call you to see if you could keep S while I went to work, and for 4 years prior to that, I was HOME and able to keep them with me.
So, we find out S has ADHD and multiple learning disorders. I learn about them. Then we discover he has a Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Back to the books. He is so stressed out at school, he tries to jump in front of a bus. I cope - voice my displeasure with the Principal's attitude, get counselling for him, enrol him in Play Therapy, fend off CAS, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Two days after the bus incident, our family doctor tells me he thinks the A-man has Tourette's. Fine. We see the paediatrician, and move onward to Toronto. Yup, Tourette's, ADHD and Rage. Okay, ADHD I know - the rest, I learn. The A-man, for the most part, becomes an entirely different, more responsible child. In Grade 8, his teacher even comments that she would take a classroom full of the A-man's, as he is such a delight! I almost started to cry - since I was at the school dealing with, yet another, S incident.
Following school year, more issues for S. I address as I need to - involve a lawyer, the school superintendent, the trustee. Principal is suspended, more resources are put in place for S - specialized bussing, a full time EA. Computer is suddenly allowed home for homework, and now more programs have been added - and he has been TRAINED!! (crazy concept, really - giving a child a laptop and also teaching him how to use the software...)
So, finally, after years and years of struggling, we are starting to see an improvement. Sure, there are still struggles on occasion, but they are farther and farther between, and less severe than in the past. His report card still say he needs to improve his "cooperation with others", and his "conflict resolution"... we read that each time and think "Yeah, whatever." For the past number of years, the problems have ONLY been at school - the home issues were resolved through the various tips/techniques/training we did through private assistance. Respite weekends were a God-send, I will admit.
And now we can add Aspergers and Non-verbal learning disability to the gammet. Will it end?
I think that is where I am right now - will I ever STOP hearing another 'diagnosis' for either of my sons? I have never been one to hold on to 'labels' of disorders - you know that. Hell, I could have a flipping rheumatology book named after me!, yet I never dwell. Never have, never will. But I feel - so very strongly - that I must educate myself on anything and everything that affects my sons. So, back to the books.
I am tired."
"Got your message today. Thanks.
I'm really not upset about him having Aspergers, I'm really not. I guess it just TICKS ME OFF that I have two wonderful children - beautiful boys, really - that have to go through all of the FREAKING learning issues. They are both so bright - hell, the A-man is 5 IQ points off of being classed as 'gifted' - and they just have to struggle all of the time, to do just the simplest of daily things.
Do you know S can't tie his shoes? Now we know why - right side of brain affects fine motor skills.
For years I have struggled with them being suspended from school, from the bus, causing problems here, there and everywhere. Skating coaches created routines that work around my boys' non-compliance. Total strangers making the "God, I wouldn't want to be THAT kid's mother" while they are pointing at one of my children. You know how many times I have had to call you to see if you could keep S while I went to work, and for 4 years prior to that, I was HOME and able to keep them with me.
So, we find out S has ADHD and multiple learning disorders. I learn about them. Then we discover he has a Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Back to the books. He is so stressed out at school, he tries to jump in front of a bus. I cope - voice my displeasure with the Principal's attitude, get counselling for him, enrol him in Play Therapy, fend off CAS, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Two days after the bus incident, our family doctor tells me he thinks the A-man has Tourette's. Fine. We see the paediatrician, and move onward to Toronto. Yup, Tourette's, ADHD and Rage. Okay, ADHD I know - the rest, I learn. The A-man, for the most part, becomes an entirely different, more responsible child. In Grade 8, his teacher even comments that she would take a classroom full of the A-man's, as he is such a delight! I almost started to cry - since I was at the school dealing with, yet another, S incident.
Following school year, more issues for S. I address as I need to - involve a lawyer, the school superintendent, the trustee. Principal is suspended, more resources are put in place for S - specialized bussing, a full time EA. Computer is suddenly allowed home for homework, and now more programs have been added - and he has been TRAINED!! (crazy concept, really - giving a child a laptop and also teaching him how to use the software...)
So, finally, after years and years of struggling, we are starting to see an improvement. Sure, there are still struggles on occasion, but they are farther and farther between, and less severe than in the past. His report card still say he needs to improve his "cooperation with others", and his "conflict resolution"... we read that each time and think "Yeah, whatever." For the past number of years, the problems have ONLY been at school - the home issues were resolved through the various tips/techniques/training we did through private assistance. Respite weekends were a God-send, I will admit.
And now we can add Aspergers and Non-verbal learning disability to the gammet. Will it end?
I think that is where I am right now - will I ever STOP hearing another 'diagnosis' for either of my sons? I have never been one to hold on to 'labels' of disorders - you know that. Hell, I could have a flipping rheumatology book named after me!, yet I never dwell. Never have, never will. But I feel - so very strongly - that I must educate myself on anything and everything that affects my sons. So, back to the books.
I am tired."
Friday, August 31, 2007
And finally, the end of Grade 6...
Okay, let's see....
So, S had his re-entry meeting...that Tuesday night, the A-man informed me that he was going to try and talk to Ms. B about his 'forever' bus suspension. He said he thought the punishment was "WAY too big for what he did." I told him that I was not going to persue that on his behalf - if he wanted to do so, fine. But, he was acting up on the bus, so soon after being OFF the bus, and if he was willing to set up a meeting with the principal, he had my well-wishes, and I would offer any assistance to him for 'practise', etc. He went to the office on the Wednesday, but, as you already know, she wasn't there. He did the same on Thursday, and that is when he found out about Mr. O. When he came home that night, he was resigned that he would be off the bus for the duration of Ms. B's absence. I didn't go any further at this point with him.
Things went okay for S's few days. There was a little blip on the radar on his first day back when another student had approached the A-man to warn him to tell his brother to watch his back - because the other boys were "going to get him for getting them suspended." That was addressed.
Over the weekend, the A-man asked me I thought he should talk to Mr. O about the bus suspension. I told him that it couldn't hurt - worst case senerio, Mr. O would defer the decision to when Ms. B returned. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, I told him. So, on the Monday, he set up an appointment to talk with the principal. He went back to the office at his appointed time, and pled his case. Mr. O listened, took notes and asked some questions. One that he asked that surprised me what "Are you here because your Mom told you to do this, or because you wanted to do this?" The A-man answered that it was sort of both - he had wanted to talk with Ms. B, and I told him that he could talk to Mr. O. Anyway, Mr. O said he would have to review the facts, and talk to the bus driver, and he said he would let the A-man know within a couple of days. Meanwhile, I had been having conversations with Mr. O about the possibility of specialized transportation for S. Neither of the boys knew this at the time. On Tuesday, I got a phone call from Mr. O asking me to meet with him, the A-man and the bus driver that afternoon. He also told me that as of that Friday, S would be taken to and from school on a mini-van with only two other students. The end result was that the A-man was allowed back on the bus effective Thursday. The A-man surprised me at the meeting by also pleading that S be allowed back on the bus, also. Since I knew S had been taken care of, I told the A-man not to worry about S right now - he was looked after. What a great brother, huh?
Toward the end of the second week with the temporary EA, I got a phone call from Mr. O around lunch time telling me that S had not had a good morning, and suggested I come to take him home for the rest of the day. I went to the school (I think my car is on auto pilot for that route, now...) to find out what exactly had transpired. S had taken off - again - and although I had told him that he was NOT allowed to leave the school anymore, I guess I hadn't been specific enough in my directions. No, he didn't leave the school, but he did run and hide, and when a teacher came across his hiding place, he would run again. In his mind, he felt justified in doing what he had done, and he had not broken my instructions. He did not leave the school. I was quick to praise him for not leaving the school, and then I sat down and basically ignored the EA and the principal in the room, and I started a dialogue with my son. When S is in this frame of mind, it's almost like peeling back layers of an onion to get down to what you really need to know. With him, things are rarely as they appear. So, after a very long and windy conversation, it was determined that the main incident that lead to the blow up had occurred when his EA was out of the room (again under radar - these boys are sneaky), and again, involved LB and Tay. Little brats. By the time we had finished talking, about 45 minutes had passed, and knowing that was being heard - and understood - he was back to his normal frame of mind. At this point, I welcomed the EA and the principal in to the conversation. Mr. O felt that S would be allowed to stay at the school, and the EA felt that since she was still so new to S, there wasn't the level of trust required, and she also didn't know how to read the warning signs that were so apparent when looking back. (Love hindsight...)
Mr. O sent S back to class, and then walked me out. We had a bit of a conversation, and he told me that he thought I dealt with S in a remarkable way, and he was very impressed with the way that I conducted myself. Suddenly tears welled up in my eyes, and I told him that unfortunately, I had had many years of practise. He told me to not give up hope, and that things would improve. I hoped he knew what he was talking about.
That Thursday was to be S's last day with his EA, and that was the day I was informed that he had been granted a half-day EA for the remainder of the school year. She would begin on the Monday afternoon - the time of day that tended to be the problem time for him. What a relief that was, but how sad is that? They recognized that the bully issue was so bad that they know he needs an adult with him full time, and yet the bully isn't dealt with? So, EA is now in place - at least until the end of the year.
Now, lets move back for a moment. At the IPRC review meeting, I was adamant that S's exceptionally be changed to "multiple" to reflect his anxiety disorder - therefore behaviour AND LD's were to be recognized. I was told at that time that they couldn't do that because they didn't have a 'report from a doctor' saying he HAD this disorder. NO WHERE does it say you must have a formal report to reach this decision, was my argument, but they wouldn't budge. A meeting was set up with various board members and S's psychiatrist. You know why they don't want to use that 'behaviour' label? See, when it is on a child's IPRC, that is a legal document, thereby putting the onus on the school to prove that they have provided all services available to the child. If they don't have that exceptionality listed, they are not legally obligated.
So, just before the whole "S now has an EA" announcement, a large group of us traipse in to see the doctor. Me, S, Mr. O, the spec ed teacher, the school councillor, and the board psychiatrist. Of course, S was sent to the waiting room after a few short minutes in with the doctor. The doctor and I really wanted to impress upon the school that there was bully problem, but the councillor just didn't seem to want to hear that. She kept going on about how S does this, and this, and this.... at one point I interrupted her and said, "And you have just described ADHD to a tee." The doctor agreed with me. She is the freaking COUNCILLER for the school board, and she doesn't understand ADHD? (Again, Jori is sure she is dealing with idiots...)
I left the meeting feeling very frustrated, and sure that (again) we were going to get no where. That is when I found out about the EA. So, I guess the meeting did make some impression on a couple of those in attendance. I also found out that Mr. O wasn't a retired principal -quite the opposite. He actually worked in the special education office within the board. He was the board specialist for a number of years, and currently works with our former principal in the board office on all special educational needs. They took a current board 'specialist' from his active position to be the fill in principal at our school! Hmmm.... (And still, I have my suspicions...)
The doctor put together a report outlining that S does suffer from an anxiety disorder, and also something he called (I think) cinguliate gyrus. S gets 'stuck' in a single thought pattern, and almost needs a mental 'nudge' to get out of it. His recommendation was that S have a full time EA with experience and background in the issues that S faces. At the end of the school year, I was told that the board psychiatrist had agreed to accept S's exceptionality as 'multiple' and his anxiety disorder would be recognized. (Yes! goes the mental fist.)
After the end of the school year, I was advised by Ms. B (yes, she did come back to the school...) that S had been granted a full time EA effective September. I am so relieved. The special ed teacher has told me that LB and Tay will not be in S's class. Again, relief. The last day of school these two boys had cornered S in the washroom - one watched the door, while the other beat him up. There were marks - I took pictures - and I did inform the principal and the superintendent via email of this event. I told them that I would not contact the police about this particular event, but I would keep the pictures, and should such a thing happen again, I would not hesitate to ensure that there would be legal action taken. I did not hear back from anyone with respect to that. Not a surprise there.
And that's my story up to date. All my dirty laundry, hanging out here on blog spot for just anyone to read. S will go back to school on Tuesday in the mini-van, and will meet his EA. He is hoping he has a male EA so that he doesn't have to go in to the washroom alone. (How sad is that?) His doctor has a suspicion that S is also suffering from a "Non-verbal learning disorder" and he has been deemed appropriate for a fMRI at the children's hospital in London. We are waiting for the date of that appointment. Apparently a NLD would explain why S has such poor social skills - it would mean that he simply is not able to read social cues. I've been reading about it, and this describes S almost 100%.
I am curious to know if anyone is reading this blog. If you have been reading along, please feel free to comment on any of these. I do ask that you be kind, however. It is very emotional - these are my babies. And, problems or not, I love them with my whole heart and soul. This momma lion is prepared to roar again...
So, S had his re-entry meeting...that Tuesday night, the A-man informed me that he was going to try and talk to Ms. B about his 'forever' bus suspension. He said he thought the punishment was "WAY too big for what he did." I told him that I was not going to persue that on his behalf - if he wanted to do so, fine. But, he was acting up on the bus, so soon after being OFF the bus, and if he was willing to set up a meeting with the principal, he had my well-wishes, and I would offer any assistance to him for 'practise', etc. He went to the office on the Wednesday, but, as you already know, she wasn't there. He did the same on Thursday, and that is when he found out about Mr. O. When he came home that night, he was resigned that he would be off the bus for the duration of Ms. B's absence. I didn't go any further at this point with him.
Things went okay for S's few days. There was a little blip on the radar on his first day back when another student had approached the A-man to warn him to tell his brother to watch his back - because the other boys were "going to get him for getting them suspended." That was addressed.
Over the weekend, the A-man asked me I thought he should talk to Mr. O about the bus suspension. I told him that it couldn't hurt - worst case senerio, Mr. O would defer the decision to when Ms. B returned. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, I told him. So, on the Monday, he set up an appointment to talk with the principal. He went back to the office at his appointed time, and pled his case. Mr. O listened, took notes and asked some questions. One that he asked that surprised me what "Are you here because your Mom told you to do this, or because you wanted to do this?" The A-man answered that it was sort of both - he had wanted to talk with Ms. B, and I told him that he could talk to Mr. O. Anyway, Mr. O said he would have to review the facts, and talk to the bus driver, and he said he would let the A-man know within a couple of days. Meanwhile, I had been having conversations with Mr. O about the possibility of specialized transportation for S. Neither of the boys knew this at the time. On Tuesday, I got a phone call from Mr. O asking me to meet with him, the A-man and the bus driver that afternoon. He also told me that as of that Friday, S would be taken to and from school on a mini-van with only two other students. The end result was that the A-man was allowed back on the bus effective Thursday. The A-man surprised me at the meeting by also pleading that S be allowed back on the bus, also. Since I knew S had been taken care of, I told the A-man not to worry about S right now - he was looked after. What a great brother, huh?
Toward the end of the second week with the temporary EA, I got a phone call from Mr. O around lunch time telling me that S had not had a good morning, and suggested I come to take him home for the rest of the day. I went to the school (I think my car is on auto pilot for that route, now...) to find out what exactly had transpired. S had taken off - again - and although I had told him that he was NOT allowed to leave the school anymore, I guess I hadn't been specific enough in my directions. No, he didn't leave the school, but he did run and hide, and when a teacher came across his hiding place, he would run again. In his mind, he felt justified in doing what he had done, and he had not broken my instructions. He did not leave the school. I was quick to praise him for not leaving the school, and then I sat down and basically ignored the EA and the principal in the room, and I started a dialogue with my son. When S is in this frame of mind, it's almost like peeling back layers of an onion to get down to what you really need to know. With him, things are rarely as they appear. So, after a very long and windy conversation, it was determined that the main incident that lead to the blow up had occurred when his EA was out of the room (again under radar - these boys are sneaky), and again, involved LB and Tay. Little brats. By the time we had finished talking, about 45 minutes had passed, and knowing that was being heard - and understood - he was back to his normal frame of mind. At this point, I welcomed the EA and the principal in to the conversation. Mr. O felt that S would be allowed to stay at the school, and the EA felt that since she was still so new to S, there wasn't the level of trust required, and she also didn't know how to read the warning signs that were so apparent when looking back. (Love hindsight...)
Mr. O sent S back to class, and then walked me out. We had a bit of a conversation, and he told me that he thought I dealt with S in a remarkable way, and he was very impressed with the way that I conducted myself. Suddenly tears welled up in my eyes, and I told him that unfortunately, I had had many years of practise. He told me to not give up hope, and that things would improve. I hoped he knew what he was talking about.
That Thursday was to be S's last day with his EA, and that was the day I was informed that he had been granted a half-day EA for the remainder of the school year. She would begin on the Monday afternoon - the time of day that tended to be the problem time for him. What a relief that was, but how sad is that? They recognized that the bully issue was so bad that they know he needs an adult with him full time, and yet the bully isn't dealt with? So, EA is now in place - at least until the end of the year.
Now, lets move back for a moment. At the IPRC review meeting, I was adamant that S's exceptionally be changed to "multiple" to reflect his anxiety disorder - therefore behaviour AND LD's were to be recognized. I was told at that time that they couldn't do that because they didn't have a 'report from a doctor' saying he HAD this disorder. NO WHERE does it say you must have a formal report to reach this decision, was my argument, but they wouldn't budge. A meeting was set up with various board members and S's psychiatrist. You know why they don't want to use that 'behaviour' label? See, when it is on a child's IPRC, that is a legal document, thereby putting the onus on the school to prove that they have provided all services available to the child. If they don't have that exceptionality listed, they are not legally obligated.
So, just before the whole "S now has an EA" announcement, a large group of us traipse in to see the doctor. Me, S, Mr. O, the spec ed teacher, the school councillor, and the board psychiatrist. Of course, S was sent to the waiting room after a few short minutes in with the doctor. The doctor and I really wanted to impress upon the school that there was bully problem, but the councillor just didn't seem to want to hear that. She kept going on about how S does this, and this, and this.... at one point I interrupted her and said, "And you have just described ADHD to a tee." The doctor agreed with me. She is the freaking COUNCILLER for the school board, and she doesn't understand ADHD? (Again, Jori is sure she is dealing with idiots...)
I left the meeting feeling very frustrated, and sure that (again) we were going to get no where. That is when I found out about the EA. So, I guess the meeting did make some impression on a couple of those in attendance. I also found out that Mr. O wasn't a retired principal -quite the opposite. He actually worked in the special education office within the board. He was the board specialist for a number of years, and currently works with our former principal in the board office on all special educational needs. They took a current board 'specialist' from his active position to be the fill in principal at our school! Hmmm.... (And still, I have my suspicions...)
The doctor put together a report outlining that S does suffer from an anxiety disorder, and also something he called (I think) cinguliate gyrus. S gets 'stuck' in a single thought pattern, and almost needs a mental 'nudge' to get out of it. His recommendation was that S have a full time EA with experience and background in the issues that S faces. At the end of the school year, I was told that the board psychiatrist had agreed to accept S's exceptionality as 'multiple' and his anxiety disorder would be recognized. (Yes! goes the mental fist.)
After the end of the school year, I was advised by Ms. B (yes, she did come back to the school...) that S had been granted a full time EA effective September. I am so relieved. The special ed teacher has told me that LB and Tay will not be in S's class. Again, relief. The last day of school these two boys had cornered S in the washroom - one watched the door, while the other beat him up. There were marks - I took pictures - and I did inform the principal and the superintendent via email of this event. I told them that I would not contact the police about this particular event, but I would keep the pictures, and should such a thing happen again, I would not hesitate to ensure that there would be legal action taken. I did not hear back from anyone with respect to that. Not a surprise there.
And that's my story up to date. All my dirty laundry, hanging out here on blog spot for just anyone to read. S will go back to school on Tuesday in the mini-van, and will meet his EA. He is hoping he has a male EA so that he doesn't have to go in to the washroom alone. (How sad is that?) His doctor has a suspicion that S is also suffering from a "Non-verbal learning disorder" and he has been deemed appropriate for a fMRI at the children's hospital in London. We are waiting for the date of that appointment. Apparently a NLD would explain why S has such poor social skills - it would mean that he simply is not able to read social cues. I've been reading about it, and this describes S almost 100%.
I am curious to know if anyone is reading this blog. If you have been reading along, please feel free to comment on any of these. I do ask that you be kind, however. It is very emotional - these are my babies. And, problems or not, I love them with my whole heart and soul. This momma lion is prepared to roar again...
Grade 6 - the saga continues..
After the hell that we had gone through at the end of Grade 5, we were really looking forward to the summer. S had a few weeks at a day camp, and had a lot of fun doing so. He never had any problems with any of the other kids, he never got in to fights, or lost his temper. He just had fun. Isn't that strange?
Early in the summer, I received a telephone call from a physio-therapist to do an assessment on S. When he received his formal 'placement' at the end of Grade 4, a requisition form had been sent in to further assess his abilities, and his name had finally come to the top of the pile. So, the PT came to our house a few times to do further assessments with S. At the end of the testing, she informed us that she would be recommending that S receive assistive devices (laptop and specialized software) from the school. She was going to deem these essential to his learning, thereby making it something the board would provide.
The beginning of the school year was interesting - our new principal was off for 2 months. So, we had an acting principal. She was a lovely lady, a retired principal that had agreed to the 60 day stint. The thing I liked about her - she had a lot of experience in the special educational field, so when we held S's meeting for his IEP, and the PT recommended the various items, this principal had no qualms about signing off on them. My spirits were raised - to a degree. Having the authorization for a laptop and actually GETTING the laptop can be a very long wait - up to an 8 month wait, I was later told.
Funny enough, for the 2 months that we had the acting principal, I received NOT ONE SINGLE PHONE CALL with respect to either boy. But, three days after Ms. B returned, I get a call about an incident in the classroom. S had threatened another student. Apparently. So, off I go to the school (thank heavens I have an very understanding boss) to determine if I have to take him home or not. After much conversation with S, and the principal, it was decided he could stay at school. The classroom teacher, however, was not wanting him to come back to the class. She had a concern about S having held scissors to another boys' throat. WHAT?!?! This was news that had not been disclosed earlier. Upon my insistence, the other boy was questioned further by both teacher and principal, and it was determined that he had 'made up' the story about the scissors because he was embarrassed about getting upset at S. So that makes it okay. Well, in our school it does, because the other boy was NOT reprimanded, did not apologize to S, nothing. He simply returned to the classroom. End of discussion - he was embarrassed enough, why make it worse. (Oh, the thoughts running through my head...)
So, onward the school year went. A few problems on the bus every now and then...probably a couple of bus suspensions. I have a binder full of these details - moving up to a two inch one now. The next big event happened in April, I guess. The A-man and S had a fight on the school bus one afternoon, and both of them received a one-week bus suspension. I thought it was a bit extreme considering this was the FIRST problem A-man had on the bus this year, but I did agree that they were just being idiots, and needed to suffer these consequences. I am not the type of mother that thinks her children can do no wrong, and will follow through when they mess up. So, rather than rearrange MY schedule to fit their errors, I made arrangements for the boys to be 'walkers' for the week - they walked to MIL's house, which is about 10 blocks from the school. (Hey, ya can't behave on the privilege that is the school bus, ya walk!) They received their bus privileges back on a Thursday.
On the next Tuesday, I get a phone call from a teacher at the school. Apparently he was acting principal for the day, and S had just had a major melt-down at the school...he went on, and on, and ON to tell me all the errors of S's ways. Now, one thing I have been remiss to mention - the school had implemented a "Safe Plan" for S after his big problem the year before - he had started to become a 'flight risk' as he would leave the school yard when upset. So, the safe plan had been devised to establish a plan of attack when/if he ran. The biggest thing in the plan was that S was NOT to be approached when/if he went outside. He was to be observed from a safe distance (in the school), and to be given the time to calm himself down. Of course, the ideal was that he not leave the school, but there were days that he just didn't keep that in his head - he just felt the need to 'escape'.
So, as I'm hearing the tale of what had transpired - again, the names LB and Tay were brought up more than once- the details that my sons had another incident on the bus the night before was suddenly mentioned. THEN I find out the the acting principal had gone outside to demand S come back in the school, and while doing so, S had become even more aggitated (as he is prone to do) and made some comments that apparently really upset the teacher. Hubby was able to go to the school to pick up S. We discussed the problem at length that evening, and discovered that this incident had started much earlier in the day, and again, LB and Tay had started to bug, and bug and bug. LB then threw a ball directly at S's head while he was 'out' and against the wall. For some strange reason, S took that to be an attack on himself, and retaliated. Imagine.
The next morning, a Wednesday, we had a bit of rough start to the morning, and I had dropped the boys off at school, rather than rush to catch the bus. At 9:30 or so, I get a phone call from Hubby. At 8:50 he had received a phone call from Ms. B telling him that he needed to come and get S immediately as he was suspended from school for a week, and both boys were off the bus for the remainder of the school year. Now, I know Ms. B was just arriving at the school when I dropped the boys off (about 8:45) so she had not had the time necessary to review all of the facts of the previous days' events, but had decided instantly that this must be his punishment. That seems fair, huh? When hubby arrived at the school, she told him that she was also going to suspend the other two boys for their involvement in the event. She had not even had time to have the formal suspension form completed - she said that would come home later. (??!!)
So, S is home - again - for another five days. Now, it just so happened that I had a pre-scheduled IPRC review meeting at the school that day. I was beside myself with fury that day. I also decided that further action was necessary on this. I pulled all stops that morning. I contacted the person I knew from the ADHD association to get some details on the new rulings within the Special Education Committees in our county, and to get the contact information for the lawyer that had talked about the problems with suspensions for children such as S. Apparently there were legal concerns about the 'suspension "laws"' as they were prejudiced to students with LD's, etc., and I wanted further clarification on the current legal rulings. I then formulated a request for review of the suspension - and faxed that request along with a summary of the days events to the superintendent's office. I would hand deliver the letter to the principal at the afternoon meeting. I also contacted a professional advocate that I had met at a conference to ask his advice - and to hire him if I needed to. (Momma lion - BIG roar.) We had a very long conversation, and he was nice enough to provide his services probono.
I arrived at the IPRC meeting, and I had prepared myself to NOT rehash the events of the previous day, and to stick to the issue at hand. The IPRC. The meeting started, and everyone was very good to stick to the agenda, but the classroom teacher did slip up and start to discuss the events of the previous day. No one stopped her, and she continued for a while, and I interrupted her, told her that I felt that issue was far to raw and fresh, and asked that we get back on task. My ears were burning. Suddenly the principal was all "Yes, we are not here to discuss yesterday." grrrr.... So, the meeting concluded, and I was handed the formal suspension letter. I hand the principal the request for review. She read it, and said, "Wow. That was fast." I was very deadpan when I answered, "I don't fool around." As we were leaving the office, I inquired about the other two boys' having received a suspension and she told me that they had not yet been suspended as she had to contact the superintendent to determine the best course of action. That was total BS - and I knew that - because the principal has the ultimate decision on who is suspended, and for what length of time. The superintendent does not need to be involved in that. I let it slide.
While in the meeting, the special ed teacher asked me about Stephen's state of mind - was he worried or concerned about returning to school? I said I didn't really know because when we had talked about it last night, we didn't know he was suspended, so the idea of 'returning' to school was not an issue . That night I asked S what he thought would happen when he returned to school, and he told me, "I'm dead." He then when on to explain that LB and Tay were going to 'kill' him if they got in trouble. Yeah, let's make a child with an anxiety disorder already more anxious.
The next morning I went in to the school to let the special ed teacher know what Stephen had said. The principal was away for this day (a Thursday) and the following day. (She is hardly ever in the school, it seems.) I also let the Special Ed teacher know that I had contacted a lawyer to determine if all that was happening in our school was even legal, given the diagnosis that had been given to S. She asked me if that meant I was planning to sue the school? I told her no, that I just wanted to make sure that no Ontario Human Rights laws were not being broken. I also told her that I thought they might be. We had a good conversation - that is all I am going to say about that.
That afternoon I emailed the Special Ed teacher a letter expressing my concern about the safety of S in the school. The problems regarding bullying had continued to escalate through out the school year, and now S was starting to fear for his safety. It was a very well written, well thought out letter, if I do say so myself. I explained how S was involved in extra-curricular activites, and never experienced the problems he encounters at school, that at home we never have these outbursts, etc. - the problems were ONLY occurring at the school. I was also contacted by the lawyer and advised that although we would not qualify for legal aide (I didn't realize he was a legal aide lawyer) he did take "precident-setting cases" pro bono, and would hubby and I be able to come to his office next Tuesday to discuss the case. We had a case?
On Friday morning, I went in to the school to pick up some school work for S, and to talk to the A-man's teacher about something. I also wanted some clarification on something LB indicated S had said. I was very leary about what any of the kids said since the whole scissor incident in the Fall. While in the office, low and behold, little LB comes walking into the office to do his 'reading' for the morning announcements. The biggest irony was that he was doing a reading about "not causing harm to your fellow man." I lost it. I very quickly left the school, cried all the way to work, and then I fired off a very ANGRY email to the special ed teacher. Neither of these boys had been suspended, or reprimanded in any way shape or form, and I realized that NOTHING was going to be done to them. Poor woman - I'm sure she was hating me by now.
Friday evening, around 5:30, there had been a message on my machine at home from the superintendent. She wanted to discuss my request for review, and would call me at the office on Monday. Prior to receiving that phone call, I had contacted our trustee to inquire about the legal ramificatios of suspending a special education child from the buses. I had been told that was not legal, and I wanted to clarify that. Now the trustee was aware of the CRAP we were going through.
Monday brought some interesting events. I had a very long conversation with the superintendent. I rehashed the events of the previous year - she had NOT been made aware of any of that event by either the principal or her secretary - and I explained the problems of the bullying S had been encountering. That afternoon, around 4, I received a phone call from Ms. B telling me that S's suspension had been lessened, and he could return to school the next day. Wow - one day less. He got to return on Tuesday rather than Wednesday. However, there was good news - the superintendent felt that S qualified for some special 'top kid' funding, and he would receive a temporary EA for 2 weeks. This was to assist with his re-entry to the school. I asked if that meant the suspension was going to be removed from his OSR, and the principal seemed surprised that I would expect that. I called the supers office to thank her for her involvement, and to ask if the suspension was going to be removed. I wasn't able to speak with the super, but was advised that it had been decided that the suspension would be removed at the end of the school year if S was successful within the remaining two months.
Tuesday - re-entry meeting. S was advised by the principal that he did not need to worry about LB or Tay for that day - they were not at school. (Jori mentally raised a fist in the air with a shout of "YES!") He was also told that the next day he would meet Mrs. T - his temporary EA. The next day, we met Mrs. T - and Ms. B was not in the office. (Shocking) The next day, Thursday, a letter comes home introducing Mr. O as our 'temporary principal' as Ms. B was going to be away "for about a month". Hmmm...what was that all about? I had (and still have) my suspicions.
I will have to sign off now. There is a bit more to come, but most of it is good from now on in. I really liked Mr. O, for the record.
Early in the summer, I received a telephone call from a physio-therapist to do an assessment on S. When he received his formal 'placement' at the end of Grade 4, a requisition form had been sent in to further assess his abilities, and his name had finally come to the top of the pile. So, the PT came to our house a few times to do further assessments with S. At the end of the testing, she informed us that she would be recommending that S receive assistive devices (laptop and specialized software) from the school. She was going to deem these essential to his learning, thereby making it something the board would provide.
The beginning of the school year was interesting - our new principal was off for 2 months. So, we had an acting principal. She was a lovely lady, a retired principal that had agreed to the 60 day stint. The thing I liked about her - she had a lot of experience in the special educational field, so when we held S's meeting for his IEP, and the PT recommended the various items, this principal had no qualms about signing off on them. My spirits were raised - to a degree. Having the authorization for a laptop and actually GETTING the laptop can be a very long wait - up to an 8 month wait, I was later told.
Funny enough, for the 2 months that we had the acting principal, I received NOT ONE SINGLE PHONE CALL with respect to either boy. But, three days after Ms. B returned, I get a call about an incident in the classroom. S had threatened another student. Apparently. So, off I go to the school (thank heavens I have an very understanding boss) to determine if I have to take him home or not. After much conversation with S, and the principal, it was decided he could stay at school. The classroom teacher, however, was not wanting him to come back to the class. She had a concern about S having held scissors to another boys' throat. WHAT?!?! This was news that had not been disclosed earlier. Upon my insistence, the other boy was questioned further by both teacher and principal, and it was determined that he had 'made up' the story about the scissors because he was embarrassed about getting upset at S. So that makes it okay. Well, in our school it does, because the other boy was NOT reprimanded, did not apologize to S, nothing. He simply returned to the classroom. End of discussion - he was embarrassed enough, why make it worse. (Oh, the thoughts running through my head...)
So, onward the school year went. A few problems on the bus every now and then...probably a couple of bus suspensions. I have a binder full of these details - moving up to a two inch one now. The next big event happened in April, I guess. The A-man and S had a fight on the school bus one afternoon, and both of them received a one-week bus suspension. I thought it was a bit extreme considering this was the FIRST problem A-man had on the bus this year, but I did agree that they were just being idiots, and needed to suffer these consequences. I am not the type of mother that thinks her children can do no wrong, and will follow through when they mess up. So, rather than rearrange MY schedule to fit their errors, I made arrangements for the boys to be 'walkers' for the week - they walked to MIL's house, which is about 10 blocks from the school. (Hey, ya can't behave on the privilege that is the school bus, ya walk!) They received their bus privileges back on a Thursday.
On the next Tuesday, I get a phone call from a teacher at the school. Apparently he was acting principal for the day, and S had just had a major melt-down at the school...he went on, and on, and ON to tell me all the errors of S's ways. Now, one thing I have been remiss to mention - the school had implemented a "Safe Plan" for S after his big problem the year before - he had started to become a 'flight risk' as he would leave the school yard when upset. So, the safe plan had been devised to establish a plan of attack when/if he ran. The biggest thing in the plan was that S was NOT to be approached when/if he went outside. He was to be observed from a safe distance (in the school), and to be given the time to calm himself down. Of course, the ideal was that he not leave the school, but there were days that he just didn't keep that in his head - he just felt the need to 'escape'.
So, as I'm hearing the tale of what had transpired - again, the names LB and Tay were brought up more than once- the details that my sons had another incident on the bus the night before was suddenly mentioned. THEN I find out the the acting principal had gone outside to demand S come back in the school, and while doing so, S had become even more aggitated (as he is prone to do) and made some comments that apparently really upset the teacher. Hubby was able to go to the school to pick up S. We discussed the problem at length that evening, and discovered that this incident had started much earlier in the day, and again, LB and Tay had started to bug, and bug and bug. LB then threw a ball directly at S's head while he was 'out' and against the wall. For some strange reason, S took that to be an attack on himself, and retaliated. Imagine.
The next morning, a Wednesday, we had a bit of rough start to the morning, and I had dropped the boys off at school, rather than rush to catch the bus. At 9:30 or so, I get a phone call from Hubby. At 8:50 he had received a phone call from Ms. B telling him that he needed to come and get S immediately as he was suspended from school for a week, and both boys were off the bus for the remainder of the school year. Now, I know Ms. B was just arriving at the school when I dropped the boys off (about 8:45) so she had not had the time necessary to review all of the facts of the previous days' events, but had decided instantly that this must be his punishment. That seems fair, huh? When hubby arrived at the school, she told him that she was also going to suspend the other two boys for their involvement in the event. She had not even had time to have the formal suspension form completed - she said that would come home later. (??!!)
So, S is home - again - for another five days. Now, it just so happened that I had a pre-scheduled IPRC review meeting at the school that day. I was beside myself with fury that day. I also decided that further action was necessary on this. I pulled all stops that morning. I contacted the person I knew from the ADHD association to get some details on the new rulings within the Special Education Committees in our county, and to get the contact information for the lawyer that had talked about the problems with suspensions for children such as S. Apparently there were legal concerns about the 'suspension "laws"' as they were prejudiced to students with LD's, etc., and I wanted further clarification on the current legal rulings. I then formulated a request for review of the suspension - and faxed that request along with a summary of the days events to the superintendent's office. I would hand deliver the letter to the principal at the afternoon meeting. I also contacted a professional advocate that I had met at a conference to ask his advice - and to hire him if I needed to. (Momma lion - BIG roar.) We had a very long conversation, and he was nice enough to provide his services probono.
I arrived at the IPRC meeting, and I had prepared myself to NOT rehash the events of the previous day, and to stick to the issue at hand. The IPRC. The meeting started, and everyone was very good to stick to the agenda, but the classroom teacher did slip up and start to discuss the events of the previous day. No one stopped her, and she continued for a while, and I interrupted her, told her that I felt that issue was far to raw and fresh, and asked that we get back on task. My ears were burning. Suddenly the principal was all "Yes, we are not here to discuss yesterday." grrrr.... So, the meeting concluded, and I was handed the formal suspension letter. I hand the principal the request for review. She read it, and said, "Wow. That was fast." I was very deadpan when I answered, "I don't fool around." As we were leaving the office, I inquired about the other two boys' having received a suspension and she told me that they had not yet been suspended as she had to contact the superintendent to determine the best course of action. That was total BS - and I knew that - because the principal has the ultimate decision on who is suspended, and for what length of time. The superintendent does not need to be involved in that. I let it slide.
While in the meeting, the special ed teacher asked me about Stephen's state of mind - was he worried or concerned about returning to school? I said I didn't really know because when we had talked about it last night, we didn't know he was suspended, so the idea of 'returning' to school was not an issue . That night I asked S what he thought would happen when he returned to school, and he told me, "I'm dead." He then when on to explain that LB and Tay were going to 'kill' him if they got in trouble. Yeah, let's make a child with an anxiety disorder already more anxious.
The next morning I went in to the school to let the special ed teacher know what Stephen had said. The principal was away for this day (a Thursday) and the following day. (She is hardly ever in the school, it seems.) I also let the Special Ed teacher know that I had contacted a lawyer to determine if all that was happening in our school was even legal, given the diagnosis that had been given to S. She asked me if that meant I was planning to sue the school? I told her no, that I just wanted to make sure that no Ontario Human Rights laws were not being broken. I also told her that I thought they might be. We had a good conversation - that is all I am going to say about that.
That afternoon I emailed the Special Ed teacher a letter expressing my concern about the safety of S in the school. The problems regarding bullying had continued to escalate through out the school year, and now S was starting to fear for his safety. It was a very well written, well thought out letter, if I do say so myself. I explained how S was involved in extra-curricular activites, and never experienced the problems he encounters at school, that at home we never have these outbursts, etc. - the problems were ONLY occurring at the school. I was also contacted by the lawyer and advised that although we would not qualify for legal aide (I didn't realize he was a legal aide lawyer) he did take "precident-setting cases" pro bono, and would hubby and I be able to come to his office next Tuesday to discuss the case. We had a case?
On Friday morning, I went in to the school to pick up some school work for S, and to talk to the A-man's teacher about something. I also wanted some clarification on something LB indicated S had said. I was very leary about what any of the kids said since the whole scissor incident in the Fall. While in the office, low and behold, little LB comes walking into the office to do his 'reading' for the morning announcements. The biggest irony was that he was doing a reading about "not causing harm to your fellow man." I lost it. I very quickly left the school, cried all the way to work, and then I fired off a very ANGRY email to the special ed teacher. Neither of these boys had been suspended, or reprimanded in any way shape or form, and I realized that NOTHING was going to be done to them. Poor woman - I'm sure she was hating me by now.
Friday evening, around 5:30, there had been a message on my machine at home from the superintendent. She wanted to discuss my request for review, and would call me at the office on Monday. Prior to receiving that phone call, I had contacted our trustee to inquire about the legal ramificatios of suspending a special education child from the buses. I had been told that was not legal, and I wanted to clarify that. Now the trustee was aware of the CRAP we were going through.
Monday brought some interesting events. I had a very long conversation with the superintendent. I rehashed the events of the previous year - she had NOT been made aware of any of that event by either the principal or her secretary - and I explained the problems of the bullying S had been encountering. That afternoon, around 4, I received a phone call from Ms. B telling me that S's suspension had been lessened, and he could return to school the next day. Wow - one day less. He got to return on Tuesday rather than Wednesday. However, there was good news - the superintendent felt that S qualified for some special 'top kid' funding, and he would receive a temporary EA for 2 weeks. This was to assist with his re-entry to the school. I asked if that meant the suspension was going to be removed from his OSR, and the principal seemed surprised that I would expect that. I called the supers office to thank her for her involvement, and to ask if the suspension was going to be removed. I wasn't able to speak with the super, but was advised that it had been decided that the suspension would be removed at the end of the school year if S was successful within the remaining two months.
Tuesday - re-entry meeting. S was advised by the principal that he did not need to worry about LB or Tay for that day - they were not at school. (Jori mentally raised a fist in the air with a shout of "YES!") He was also told that the next day he would meet Mrs. T - his temporary EA. The next day, we met Mrs. T - and Ms. B was not in the office. (Shocking) The next day, Thursday, a letter comes home introducing Mr. O as our 'temporary principal' as Ms. B was going to be away "for about a month". Hmmm...what was that all about? I had (and still have) my suspicions.
I will have to sign off now. There is a bit more to come, but most of it is good from now on in. I really liked Mr. O, for the record.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Grade 5 - the nightmare begins...
I held a great deal of hope that THIS would be the year that S was going to turn around. We had the knowledge of his learning disabilities, we knew why he wasn't doing as well at school as he should have...it could only improve.
The beginning of Grade 5 for S started with a big change in the school. A new principal. I went in to the school the week before school began to discuss the findings of the pysho-ed assessment, to provide some detailed information about my little man, and to start a plan of attack for the new school year. When I came home that day, I told hubby that she (I'll call her Ms. B) was going to be great. Ms. B came from a much larger district, and just gave me the impression that she appreciated an involved parent, and would do all she could to help him succeed. (Side note, as I retell this story, please remember that this was the year from hell from the A-man)
The beginning of school - S had the same teacher as the year before. I thought this was good because she knew him, she was aware of his learning problems, and she would be able to ensure some new strategies were in place for him. The start of the year - as always - was great. I love the honeymoon stage of the school year. Within a month, however, S started to complain about a few kids being really mean to him. It was always the same names. I would talk about it with him, and we would come up with ways to either avoid the situation, or how to improve upon things. The one black spot on the start of the school year was the IEP that came home in September.
I was LIVID with that document. I remember sitting down and writing a very long letter expressing my concerns about the fact that I had not been consulted about the preparation of the IEP, and at my concern about the training the teacher that had prepared it. (He had been in our school for years, but had never done Special Ed - I didn't think he was trained to do this job, and demanded to know his qualifications.) Within two days of sending that letter, I received a phone call from the Spec Ed Teacher asking me to come in for a meeting to discuss S's educational needs and to assist with formulating his IEP.
When I went to the meeting, I was all prepared to see that the recommendations from the psyco-ed were all addressed. With every single special need I mentioned, I was told by the Spec Ed teacher that either he didn't have time to do that, or that it simply couldn't be done. I was starting to learn the resources were slim to nil, and it appeared to me that our Spec Ed teacher wasn't will to provide what S was going to need. Finally, after a lengthy meeting, we were able to formulate a document that I was somewhat satisfied with, and hoped would be able to provide for my 10 year old.
The school year carried on. Sometime around Christmas I received a phone call from Ms. B telling me that S had a major incident in the classroom. The teacher had been forced to put the class in 'lockdown' because of his actions, and someone needed to come and take him home. My mother in law was able to get to the school the fastest, and when she got there, the class was all in library and S was with the principal in the classroom. He was still very aggitated, but went out quietly with MIL. When I talked about the incident with S, he told me that LB, and Tay had been really bugging him prior to his explosion, and although he had exhausted the resources he and I had come up with, they continued, and he just snapped. He had received a suspension for this behaviour. LB and Tay were the ones that had started picking on him earlier in the school year, and it was almost a daily occurence that I heard either one or both of these names over the dinner table.
The days limped in to the spring. The week before March Break, I receive yet another phone call, telling me that the class has (again) been put in lockdown, and I needed to come and get S from school. He was suspended (again) and this time the principal was ticked because she was getting phone calls from angry parents. They didn't like the fact that "one child was holding the entire class hostage." I didn't either. My feelings then (and still now) were that the teacher took very extreme action that could have been avoided. S weighed all of 60 pounds, and was about 4 feet tall - not exactly a strapping young man. Add in the fact that there was a male EA in the classroom, and I could not quite understand how something could get so out of hand so quickly. Had I been there, I would have simply taken S by the arm, and removed HIM from the classroom rather than forcing 27 children between two sets of doors for 20 minutes. Again, upon very LONG discussions with my son, I determined that the blow up was a directly result of non-stop bugging from both LB and Tay. I was really starting to dislike these boys.
S started to talk about killing himself around this point in time. At first I thought he was simply being dramatic, but after a number of re-occuring comments, I had started to seek out a doctor for help. There was a BIG waiting list (about a year, I was advised) so we joined the list. I utilized hubby's medical plan, and found a temporary therapist that would see S for about 5 sesssions.
While all of this was happening within the school, I was seeking additional outside support. Our family services agency had discharged us, stating they had done all they could for us - our worker commented that I had taken so many courses I could start TEACHING them. They felt that as a family unit we had done all we could, and felt the problems that were occurring now were problems within the school, and the school needed to address them. I had started attending monthly information sessions held by the LDAO (learning disabilities association of ontario) and the ADHD group in the city. These weren't the typical "oh my life is so hard..." gripe sessions - these were professionals coming in to discuss various subjects on a monthly basis. One of these meetings had a presenter come in that talked about a group session for kids like mine called "Fair Play." It was run by Social and Youth Workers, and would incorporate learning strategies through play with other kids. I enrolled S in to this program for the Spring session.
Shortly after the second 'lockdown' incident at the school, S started his "Fair Play" group sessions. He did amazing! He made a lot of friends very quickly - which he had been losing at school due to his recent outbursts - and he was a very kind, considerate and helpful to all of the other participants and leaders of the group. He was given the "Awesome Kid" award for something he had done on the first session. I started to have hope that he was just experiencing a blip on the radar at the school, and THIS boy, this S at Fair Play, was going to emerge at the school. Since his 'dying' comments continued, we started to have a 'play therapist' come in and work with Stephen once a week. It was expensive, but if it was going to help him work through some of his anxiety and issues, we felt it would be worth it.
On the first of May, S turned 11. On the third of May, I received a frantic phone call from the principal. Apparently S had tried to jump in front of a moving bus, and when she grabbed him to safety, he clawed at her, and took off from the school grounds. The police were trying to locate him, and I needed to get to the school immediately. When I arrived at the school, a very sullen S was sitting in the principal's office with Ms. B, one police officer, and one volunteer community police officer. He was being questioned by the police officer when I arrived. Was that even legal? Anyway, the police deemed this incident to be an attempted suicide, and contacted the Children's Aide Society. I tried to explain to the officer that I was very much aware of the seriousness of the situation, that his name was already on a waiting list for medical help, and tried to reiterate that contacting CAS was neither necessary, nor would it be helpful. The officer felt that by starting a file, we would receive support faster. I realized I would not be able to change her mind, and left her to make her phone call. While she was doing so, Ms. B and the volunteer officer were having a conversation with S. What happened next will be forever etched in my brain.
Ms. B went on a tangent with S, and told him (and yes, this is a direct quote that I will NEVER forget) "... (his) teacher was sick of his behaviour, (his) classmates were sick of his behaviour, (his) mother was sick of his behaviour, (SHE) was sick of his behaviour, and it was time for him to GROW UP AND BE A MAN!" To this, S replied "But I'm not a man" and she told him "Well, BE a man." After this comment, I was finally able to find my voice, and I interupted them. I have no idea what I said, I simply knew I needed to stop this insane conversation. Ms. B then informed S that he was suspended from school for a week, and from the bus "until she said so!" Yeah, that was really going to help.
The police officer returned from making her phone call to CAS and asked me if I was willing to take S to the hospital for observation. I said I was. She was glad I said that, because she told me later that had I said I wouldn't take him to the hospital, she would have been forced to arrest him, and take him to the hospital in the police car. This made me realize what stupid laws we sometimes have in this country. Anyway, the officer called ahead to the hospital to inform them we were coming, and then followed me to the hospital. I guess whoever she spoke to hadn't informed the Triage nurse of our arrival, and we sat in the Emerg waiting room for a while. S was fine at this point. He played video games, watched some TV, or just sat calmly and ate his sandwich. Both officers remained with us. Finally a doctor took S (and me and the officers) to a private room. The doctor talked to S, trying to assess his frame of mind. Needless to say, *I* was a mess at this point, but I was doing all I could to keep it together. I had called hubby at work, so he was very much aware of the situtation, and ready to go where needed whenever it was determined. I had made arrangements to have the A-man over at a neighbour's house.
After talking to S, the doctor felt he needed to be transfered to another facility where he would be able to receive the medical attention that was necessary. He asked me if I would be willing to take S to whatever hospital would take him, and I said I would. He commented that he thought I would - which I found to be a strange comment at the time, but apparently some parents will refuse to do this sort of thing. Anyway, I left the room to call hubby and inform him that we would be transfering S to another facility with doctors that could help him get through these thoughts. When I returned to the Emerg, the doctor stopped me to tell me that no hospital would take S. There was no room for him, apparently. So, he said, "I am going to release him to your care" but he recommended that we take S to XX hospital - about an hour and a half away - and basically go through the whole "emerg" proceedure again. He said they could refuse a transfer from another hospital, but they had to see him if we took him ourselves. I said we would do that. I returned to the room and told the officers that nothing futher was going to be done, that he was going to be released, and they did not believe me. When the doctor confirmed this, the police officer was amazed.
I called hubby - he had made arrangements to leave work - and we made arrangements to take the A-man to his Grandparents, and hubby and I were taking S to XX hospital. We had no idea what was going to happen next, or how long we would be at the hospital.
Okay - that is MORE than enough for now. My gut is killing me.
The beginning of Grade 5 for S started with a big change in the school. A new principal. I went in to the school the week before school began to discuss the findings of the pysho-ed assessment, to provide some detailed information about my little man, and to start a plan of attack for the new school year. When I came home that day, I told hubby that she (I'll call her Ms. B) was going to be great. Ms. B came from a much larger district, and just gave me the impression that she appreciated an involved parent, and would do all she could to help him succeed. (Side note, as I retell this story, please remember that this was the year from hell from the A-man)
The beginning of school - S had the same teacher as the year before. I thought this was good because she knew him, she was aware of his learning problems, and she would be able to ensure some new strategies were in place for him. The start of the year - as always - was great. I love the honeymoon stage of the school year. Within a month, however, S started to complain about a few kids being really mean to him. It was always the same names. I would talk about it with him, and we would come up with ways to either avoid the situation, or how to improve upon things. The one black spot on the start of the school year was the IEP that came home in September.
I was LIVID with that document. I remember sitting down and writing a very long letter expressing my concerns about the fact that I had not been consulted about the preparation of the IEP, and at my concern about the training the teacher that had prepared it. (He had been in our school for years, but had never done Special Ed - I didn't think he was trained to do this job, and demanded to know his qualifications.) Within two days of sending that letter, I received a phone call from the Spec Ed Teacher asking me to come in for a meeting to discuss S's educational needs and to assist with formulating his IEP.
When I went to the meeting, I was all prepared to see that the recommendations from the psyco-ed were all addressed. With every single special need I mentioned, I was told by the Spec Ed teacher that either he didn't have time to do that, or that it simply couldn't be done. I was starting to learn the resources were slim to nil, and it appeared to me that our Spec Ed teacher wasn't will to provide what S was going to need. Finally, after a lengthy meeting, we were able to formulate a document that I was somewhat satisfied with, and hoped would be able to provide for my 10 year old.
The school year carried on. Sometime around Christmas I received a phone call from Ms. B telling me that S had a major incident in the classroom. The teacher had been forced to put the class in 'lockdown' because of his actions, and someone needed to come and take him home. My mother in law was able to get to the school the fastest, and when she got there, the class was all in library and S was with the principal in the classroom. He was still very aggitated, but went out quietly with MIL. When I talked about the incident with S, he told me that LB, and Tay had been really bugging him prior to his explosion, and although he had exhausted the resources he and I had come up with, they continued, and he just snapped. He had received a suspension for this behaviour. LB and Tay were the ones that had started picking on him earlier in the school year, and it was almost a daily occurence that I heard either one or both of these names over the dinner table.
The days limped in to the spring. The week before March Break, I receive yet another phone call, telling me that the class has (again) been put in lockdown, and I needed to come and get S from school. He was suspended (again) and this time the principal was ticked because she was getting phone calls from angry parents. They didn't like the fact that "one child was holding the entire class hostage." I didn't either. My feelings then (and still now) were that the teacher took very extreme action that could have been avoided. S weighed all of 60 pounds, and was about 4 feet tall - not exactly a strapping young man. Add in the fact that there was a male EA in the classroom, and I could not quite understand how something could get so out of hand so quickly. Had I been there, I would have simply taken S by the arm, and removed HIM from the classroom rather than forcing 27 children between two sets of doors for 20 minutes. Again, upon very LONG discussions with my son, I determined that the blow up was a directly result of non-stop bugging from both LB and Tay. I was really starting to dislike these boys.
S started to talk about killing himself around this point in time. At first I thought he was simply being dramatic, but after a number of re-occuring comments, I had started to seek out a doctor for help. There was a BIG waiting list (about a year, I was advised) so we joined the list. I utilized hubby's medical plan, and found a temporary therapist that would see S for about 5 sesssions.
While all of this was happening within the school, I was seeking additional outside support. Our family services agency had discharged us, stating they had done all they could for us - our worker commented that I had taken so many courses I could start TEACHING them. They felt that as a family unit we had done all we could, and felt the problems that were occurring now were problems within the school, and the school needed to address them. I had started attending monthly information sessions held by the LDAO (learning disabilities association of ontario) and the ADHD group in the city. These weren't the typical "oh my life is so hard..." gripe sessions - these were professionals coming in to discuss various subjects on a monthly basis. One of these meetings had a presenter come in that talked about a group session for kids like mine called "Fair Play." It was run by Social and Youth Workers, and would incorporate learning strategies through play with other kids. I enrolled S in to this program for the Spring session.
Shortly after the second 'lockdown' incident at the school, S started his "Fair Play" group sessions. He did amazing! He made a lot of friends very quickly - which he had been losing at school due to his recent outbursts - and he was a very kind, considerate and helpful to all of the other participants and leaders of the group. He was given the "Awesome Kid" award for something he had done on the first session. I started to have hope that he was just experiencing a blip on the radar at the school, and THIS boy, this S at Fair Play, was going to emerge at the school. Since his 'dying' comments continued, we started to have a 'play therapist' come in and work with Stephen once a week. It was expensive, but if it was going to help him work through some of his anxiety and issues, we felt it would be worth it.
On the first of May, S turned 11. On the third of May, I received a frantic phone call from the principal. Apparently S had tried to jump in front of a moving bus, and when she grabbed him to safety, he clawed at her, and took off from the school grounds. The police were trying to locate him, and I needed to get to the school immediately. When I arrived at the school, a very sullen S was sitting in the principal's office with Ms. B, one police officer, and one volunteer community police officer. He was being questioned by the police officer when I arrived. Was that even legal? Anyway, the police deemed this incident to be an attempted suicide, and contacted the Children's Aide Society. I tried to explain to the officer that I was very much aware of the seriousness of the situation, that his name was already on a waiting list for medical help, and tried to reiterate that contacting CAS was neither necessary, nor would it be helpful. The officer felt that by starting a file, we would receive support faster. I realized I would not be able to change her mind, and left her to make her phone call. While she was doing so, Ms. B and the volunteer officer were having a conversation with S. What happened next will be forever etched in my brain.
Ms. B went on a tangent with S, and told him (and yes, this is a direct quote that I will NEVER forget) "... (his) teacher was sick of his behaviour, (his) classmates were sick of his behaviour, (his) mother was sick of his behaviour, (SHE) was sick of his behaviour, and it was time for him to GROW UP AND BE A MAN!" To this, S replied "But I'm not a man" and she told him "Well, BE a man." After this comment, I was finally able to find my voice, and I interupted them. I have no idea what I said, I simply knew I needed to stop this insane conversation. Ms. B then informed S that he was suspended from school for a week, and from the bus "until she said so!" Yeah, that was really going to help.
The police officer returned from making her phone call to CAS and asked me if I was willing to take S to the hospital for observation. I said I was. She was glad I said that, because she told me later that had I said I wouldn't take him to the hospital, she would have been forced to arrest him, and take him to the hospital in the police car. This made me realize what stupid laws we sometimes have in this country. Anyway, the officer called ahead to the hospital to inform them we were coming, and then followed me to the hospital. I guess whoever she spoke to hadn't informed the Triage nurse of our arrival, and we sat in the Emerg waiting room for a while. S was fine at this point. He played video games, watched some TV, or just sat calmly and ate his sandwich. Both officers remained with us. Finally a doctor took S (and me and the officers) to a private room. The doctor talked to S, trying to assess his frame of mind. Needless to say, *I* was a mess at this point, but I was doing all I could to keep it together. I had called hubby at work, so he was very much aware of the situtation, and ready to go where needed whenever it was determined. I had made arrangements to have the A-man over at a neighbour's house.
After talking to S, the doctor felt he needed to be transfered to another facility where he would be able to receive the medical attention that was necessary. He asked me if I would be willing to take S to whatever hospital would take him, and I said I would. He commented that he thought I would - which I found to be a strange comment at the time, but apparently some parents will refuse to do this sort of thing. Anyway, I left the room to call hubby and inform him that we would be transfering S to another facility with doctors that could help him get through these thoughts. When I returned to the Emerg, the doctor stopped me to tell me that no hospital would take S. There was no room for him, apparently. So, he said, "I am going to release him to your care" but he recommended that we take S to XX hospital - about an hour and a half away - and basically go through the whole "emerg" proceedure again. He said they could refuse a transfer from another hospital, but they had to see him if we took him ourselves. I said we would do that. I returned to the room and told the officers that nothing futher was going to be done, that he was going to be released, and they did not believe me. When the doctor confirmed this, the police officer was amazed.
I called hubby - he had made arrangements to leave work - and we made arrangements to take the A-man to his Grandparents, and hubby and I were taking S to XX hospital. We had no idea what was going to happen next, or how long we would be at the hospital.
Okay - that is MORE than enough for now. My gut is killing me.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
The story of S continues...Grade 4.
Okay, so this one is either going to send me spiralling in to a vast pit of despair, or help buoy me up so that I can face the challenges that are sure to come with the new school year. Guess I should just get started, and see where it takes me.
The summer between Grades 3 and 4 didn't see a large decline in the number of visits we made to the Family Services Agency. In fact, things started to worsen on the homefront, and we started to see a big decline in S's interactions with both myself and hubby. He would threaten to run away from home - which would involve running down the driveway, or across the field, or maybe to the neighbour's drive way. He started to get more aggessive when he was angry, as well. He was starting to throw things when he was angry, and on more than one occassion, hubby had to physically hold him to keep him from harming himself or others. Gotta love that "cross the arms in front of the body and just hold the wrists" trick. (But, a warning about that hold - they can flail the head back - turn your face to the left or right when maintaining this hold. Trust me - I learned the hard way.)
The summer between Grades 3 and 4 didn't see a large decline in the number of visits we made to the Family Services Agency. In fact, things started to worsen on the homefront, and we started to see a big decline in S's interactions with both myself and hubby. He would threaten to run away from home - which would involve running down the driveway, or across the field, or maybe to the neighbour's drive way. He started to get more aggessive when he was angry, as well. He was starting to throw things when he was angry, and on more than one occassion, hubby had to physically hold him to keep him from harming himself or others. Gotta love that "cross the arms in front of the body and just hold the wrists" trick. (But, a warning about that hold - they can flail the head back - turn your face to the left or right when maintaining this hold. Trust me - I learned the hard way.)
I started working in September of this year. It was my first full time job since the kids were born, and it took a bit of adjusting - for both myself and the boys. I had a hard time with the days that they became "latchkey kids" for about an hour, too. But, they would call upon getting home, etc.
As the visits to our councillor increased, so did her concern over S's (and the entire family's) well-being. She suggested alternate respite weekends. What a relief those weekends were. Starting in September, every other Saturday, we would drop S off at the Family Service house. He would remain there with about 5 other children roughly the same age as him, and we would come and get him again on Sunday afternoon. It was just, well, so NICE to not have that stressor in the house for even just 30 hours. And it was a lot of fun for him, as well. They did all kinds of things - like swimming at the public pool, visiting the fair, etc. And we got a chance to spend some one on one time with the A-man. He had chores he had to do while at the house, and things that he would REFUSE to do at home, were not a problem at the house. That just didn't seem right to me, but I guess that is just the way it goes.
After the first 'session' of eight weeks - and, yes, a brand NEW parenting course - it was decided that we would all benefit from an additional eight weeks. And, being the caring and kind parent that I am, I thought that was a great idea. I was told that I didn't need to re-take the parenting course, however. So, another 16 weeks of alternate weekends. As much as I loved him, I am not sad to admit how much I looked forward to those weekends.
On the school front, things progressed pretty much status quo. S was still having difficulty with doing his homework, and just couldn't seem to remember to bring home what he needed. His group of friends seemed to dwindle a bit that year, but he still talked about a number of kids, so I wasn't too worried about that. He would still have his problems on the bus, etc., but nothing really jumps out at me right now. His grades were not very good.
Family Service Agency thought we may benefit from additional help, so a worker started to come in to our home once a week. I guess the primary reason for this was to see how we interact with the boys within our home, to offer suggestions on how to remedy 'real life' situations as they occur, that sort of thing. The aggression continued to rise. I even got to demonstrate the "wrist hold" thingy one night while the worker was here. I was beside myself that something like that would happen when she was there, but she assured me that it was GOOD that she was able to witness it, and see first hand how I dealt with the situation. She was also at the house for the A-man, but to be honest, at least 85% of her time was focused on S.
Sometime in the spring, our two workers met with me to express some concern over what they were seeing with S, and recommended that we see the psychiatrist that worked with their agency. S saw her some time in March, I would say. Her initial findings showed some cause for concern, and she felt further testing should be pursured. I asked at the school about the pycho-educational assessment he was on the waiting list for (had been 2 years) but it looked like there was no end in sight for that waiting list. We discussed options, and decided he had been waiting too long, and bit the bullet and have him tested privately. Over $2,000 dollars for that private testing. I would have been LIVID if the school had not accepted the new psychiatrists finding.
After the very extensive testing - done in Toronto, three sessions, each two hours long - hubby and I received some very shocking news. S was formally diagnosed with multiple learning disorders (including - but not limited to - graphomotor, comprehension issues, and short working memory), plus severe ADHD and a generalized anxiety disorder. Yeah, no wonder he wasn't doing well at school. On the plus side, he has a high-average IQ. So he's not 'dumb' - he just can't learn in the traditional ways. On the negative side, he knows that he should 'get' it, but can't figure out why he doesn't. Oh, and he scored on the high-average level for verbal skills.
I took these finds back to the school and was advised that we needed to have him formally identified, and then implement an individualized education plan that would accomodate his learnging disabilities. But, of course, it was now the end of April, and nothing new (or effective)would be able to be implemented for the current school year. Of course.
So, we went through the formal IPRC process, and the 'committee' accepted the doctors findings, and S was formally identifed as learning disabled. I asked about the anxiety part - shouldn't that be listed under the behavioural aspect of the IPRC? but was told that I didn't want that to be his formal idenification. Hey, I was new to the whole process. What did I know? So, I agreed that we would just stick with one 'label' for the upcoming school year.
Wow - Grade 4 background took a while to share. Part of me blamed myself for being at work during some of this time. Of course the mother guilt has to come out somewhere. I was just gratefull that I was working so that we could 'swing' the cost of testing, etc. That would have been very hard to do otherwise.
I think I will end it here, and see if I can condense the Grade 5 crap, but, then again, there was a LOT of crap...
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