Changes

Last week was a big week of changes in our household.


Thursday was the start of a new semester for the boys. S took advantage of his IEP during exams and actually had a scribe for both his Geography and Science exams. He felt very good about the Science exam, but wasn't as confident with his Geography one, however. He did spend a fair bit of time studying, so I hope he gets a good mark. (Geography was never a strong subject for me, either, so I understand that struggle.)

This semester he has Math, English, Phys-ed and Religion. Again, a nice mix of tough and not-so-tough courses. I've not sent my "letter of introduction" to his teachers, but I think I will send that with him next week.

The A-man feels very confident that he will have 80's in all of his classes except English. He's not quite sure what to expect in that class. Apparently he did quite well on the essay prep he had to do prior to the exam, so I'm hoping that he is pleasantly surprised at the end of it.

I guess we will know for sure next week.

Thursday was also a big day for me as I less Boss know that I had accepted a new position. I am actually not even aware of a start date yet, but I know it won't be until the middle of March at the earliest. I'm sort of hoping that I will have a lag between leaving this job and starting the new one; the kids would be on March break that week, and it would be really nice to have a full week off to get some organizing done around the house. But, as I said, nothing has been set as of yet.

My leaving came as a very big shock to Boss. And an even bigger one to my assistant. I explained to her - privately - that I was very confident in her abilities and that knowing she was in place was actually a factor in my decision. Of course, there were quite a number of factors, but it's good to know you are not actually leaving the company in a lurch. Especially when the company works with such a small crew.

Boss took me to lunch on Monday to discuss things further. I guess he'd had the weekend to digest the information and he wanted to use the private conversation to feel me out for what type of job I would be doing, the pay difference, that sort of thing. When I told him the pay I would be receiving at the new job, he realized that he would not be able to match it. I knew this - and had he surprised me and tried to match the pay - I'm not even sure what I would have done to be honest!

-----

On a different note, Hubby and I have some issues we have to work through with our darling S. Over the Christmas break S and I had a bit of a disagreement about the quality of time he had put into completing an assignment. After our discussion, I had gone to bed.

A short while later, Hubby came upstairs to find S standing near my purse, with a $20 bill in his hand. Hubby LOST it. He never yells - or very rarely - and he hollered so loud at S that he woke me up.

I was not privy to the discussion Hubby had with S - I thought the cooler head was dealing with the situation, so I left it alone. Of course, Hubby and I did discuss it later, but at the time I knew the right parent came across that situation. S and I did have a brief follow up discussion about the series of events that lead up to that, and he explained to me that he had never done such a thing before, and he wasn't really sure why he did it that night other than he was upset with me and that it was something he did on impulse.

My knowledge of ADHD does permit me to believe that this was an impulse, but it also doesn't allow me to not punish him and remind him that stealing is illegal.

On the week that Hubby and I were on holidays, and the boys stayed with my parents, my Dad noticed that three $2 coins went missing off his side table. When he mentioned it to Hubby and I, we both knew right away who to talk to. Of course my Dad did mention the missing change to both of the boys at the time and both claimed no knowledge of the event. Dad knew the money was gone, but he also had no knowledge of the event at Christmas, so he wasn't sure who wasn't telling the truth.

Hubby had a serious conversation with S to follow up on my Dad's situation, and then I dealt with it in a whole other way. When I gave the boys their bi-weekly allowance, I short changed S. When he asked me why he didn't get his normal amount, I told him the money he had taken from my Dad was an advance.

His head went down, his cheeks flushed, and I believe I made an impact.

I certainly hope so.

------

And, on a totally separate issue again - poor Nee was required to take very drastic measures with J. He was admitted to a youth centre for emergency treatment. He will be released at the end of this week, I believe, but when he was in for the past three weeks, he has been under 24 hour surveillance with no access to cigarettes, alcohol or drugs. He has also been receiving therapy and testings that would normally take upward of a year to receive.

On the down side, Nee and her partner have separated and she will be moving into a new place this weekend. J and her partner had an altercation before the New Year, and now he doesn't want J in his house. Ever.

What is a mother to do? Well, naturally she had no choice - her decision was made when he wasn't willing to come to a compromise.

My heart is breaking for my friend, and I am hopeful that some answers will arrive when J is released.

Ths and that

Hubby is going to make it. 
The dentist didn't seem too surprised to see him come in the office on Tuesday morning.  Apparently it is quite common to have follow up problems after such a complicated extraction.  They have put him back on antibiotics because it would appear the bottom of the extraction isn't healing at the same rate as the top and it is likely it's because some of the infection is still there.  The dentist also warned him that he could develop a dry socket.  I had one of those when I had my wisdom teeth extracted - not fun.  So far nothing like that for him, though.

Hubby took his T3's to work last night and he said that it was a rough night, but he plowed through.  He also told me that he is going to take as much overtime as he can in the coming weeks to make up for pay lost last week.

On the home front, things are going along pretty well.  The boys have done very well at making sure they keep the kitchen tidy each night, and last night I didn't even have to remind the A-man about garbage duties.  S, on the other hand, did everything in his power to avoid having to complete the recycling and litter aspect of his task.  Surprisingly - that didn't fly with me.

This morning, however, S did manage to get out to the end of driveway before I remembered that he had to take the blue boxes curbside.  At this point of the morning I knew that he wouldn't be doing that job.  The A-man told me not to worry about it - he would do it while taking the garbage and the green bin out. 
What a great guy he has become.  Very much like his dad.

Yesterday on our drive back from the school, I asked the A-man about R.  I haven't heard much about her lately, so I didn't know if she was still on the scene.  Apparently he has lunch with her as often as he can, but since one of our relatives has latched on to R, he doesn't eat with her as often as he would like.  R has told the A-man that he has to be nice to this young lady, so he tolerates her for R's sake.  He admitted to me last night, however, that R doesn't even really care much for this girl, but feels sorry for more than anything.  So, they eat lunch with her.

Apparently S and a few of his friends sit with R every now and then too.  I asked if R had a problem with S and his friends sitting with her, and the A-man said, "Mom, they call themselves 'The 5 Idiots'.  What do you think?"
R is just too nice for her own good.

Did I mention that S saw his old EA and a past teacher the other day?  I guess it was on Monday that the boys' Volleyball team had a tournament at the high school, and S saw these two ladies.  Apparently both of them were quite surprised at how deep his voice has become.  I guess I had noticed it changing over the summer, but since it was gradual, I never really thought about it.  He thought they may have commented on his height (which isn't really all that much from June) but apparently it was his voice that shocked both ladies.
This pleased S to no end, needless to say.  I know this because that was the focus of our dinner conversation on Monday night.

It would appear that Boss is doing well,  He has found a computer in a common area at the hospital, and has sent a few emails my way today.  He will be released tomorrow probably - after he has a chance to eat solid food.  Not sure how solid the food will have to be, though.  They just took a big chunk out of his tonge - they can't be expecting 'real' food for a while yet!

Spoke with Nee for quite a while last night.  J seems to be doing better, but he is refusing to spend time at his father's house.  Last Saturday her Hubby 'made' J go home with him "because it was his week."  Within the hour J was being brought home because he had run away and told his father that he would continue to do so until he was returned to his Mom's. 

When he arrived back at Nee's house, he laughed and told Nee that while getting his guitar from his Dad's trunk he had taken the "first aid" kit kept in the trunk and had thrown it in to the lake.  He told Nee that if she didn't want him doing drugs, maybe his father shouldn't be doing them either.

Nee's ex claims that he doesn't do drugs, but both boys have said that he does (and to his face they have said this), and it would appear J just does not want to be at the 'home' where he has both access to stuff and where his 'friends' know how to reach him.  Nee and I concluded that while J is at Nee's house he is safe because these 'friends' don't know where she lives, and she keeps a much tighter reign on him. 

At least it appear's J recognizes this and is doing what he can to avoid the tempation, but every time his father shows up and demands his time with the kids, J relieves that stressor by cutting himself. 
Nee is trying to do what she can to help the ex realize that it's not about him, but there are only so many things she can legally do.  Besides, she knows that her ex does love the boys and should spend time with them, but right now just isn't the time to force the issue.  J didn't even want to go to his Dad's for dinner on the weekend!

She's coping, but I'm worried that she is just hanging on by her finger tips.  We have a social function together this weekend, and I'm pretty sure the break will do her some good, but I'm also sure she will be calling and texting the entire time to make sure all is fine at home, too.

Looking forward to a quiet night tonight.  Going to finish addressing Christmas cards and watch some of my new favourite TV shows!

Out of the oven... in to the fire...

Well, the silent treatment has ended, and I have become S’s confidant once again.

When we got home last night, S was sitting in the living room waiting for the A-man and I. He was very quick to tell me about the homework that he had, and even pulled out the information he needed right away to finish it as quickly as he could.

After finding the information he needed in the flyers (it was a math-type assignment where they had to use 'real prices') I was amazed to see him start to straighten up the newspaper as soon as I reminded him. I told S that he didn't have to do it right away, but to make sure that he did it before too long.
"Oh no, that's okay. I like to do things right away when I'm upset," he explained to me. When I asked him what he was upset about, S pulled two notes from his pocket.

The first was a note from Lil'A explaining that she "didn't want him to love her anymore because she had found someone else to love." It went on further to tell him that she knew of a girl that liked S and she thought maybe he should consider loving her. The second note was from a friend of Lil'A's saying that it really upset her to see S watching Lil'A all "lovey dovey" and maybe he should find someone else.

Oh - to be so young and naive as a 14 year old girl. (See, apparently feeling can be turned on and off at whim...)

S was more than chatty about this turn of events. He even told me that he knew this was coming - he has apparently known for a couple of days. Hmm... wasn't it a couple of days ago that he was all grouchy and snarly at home? He said that wasn't why he'd been so rude the other day, but it all makes sense now.

S was more than happy to help me get supper prepared, and he chatted with me for the entire time. At one point I had to ask the A-man to leave the kitchen because he came in, asked what we were talking about, and then interjected with a comment he thought he had heard S say. It was not in any way similar to the discussion S and I were having, so I suggested that perhaps the A-man allow S and I a little bit of privacy. I think he was just grateful to not have to help with supper, to be honest.

The boys and I had a lovely dinner. We all chatted about our days, about what had been happening here, there and everywhere, and after supper, both boys were very quick to get started on their after dinner chores. I had a telephone conference at 7.30, and they were both quiet while I was on that call.

After I got off the phone, I thanked S for all of his help and asked to review his completed homework. After I gave it the once over, I told him that he could watch one television show since he had been so helpful. I told him that he was not getting out of the 'grounding' but that I would dole out time limits as I felt was appropriate. He was very thankful for the chance to watch TV, and I even got a bit of a shoulder squeeze/hug on his way past me.

ARGH!! Teenagers! One minute you are the WORST person ever, and the next, they totally love you. I know I was a moody teen, but holy!
~~~
On a different front, my dear friend ‘Nee’ has been going through some major issues with her youngest son. J is 13, and although she has always had some concerns about him – many reasons for these – a lot of these concerns have come to a head back at the end of October.

J has started cutting. She discovered a number of cuts along his upper arm, all in various stages on healing. When she asked him about it, I guess he felt it was time to come clean with a number of things. Nee and her ex have shared custody of their two sons – they live two weeks with Nee and two weeks with Hubs. Apparently during the two weeks with Hubs, J has taken to smoking cigarettes, drinking, and using pot.

It’s a very long story – and not my story to tell – but she has been in touch with me off and on over the past few weeks because she was very much aware of the mental health issues we lived through with S, and she knew that I would be a source of both support and knowledge about how she should proceed.

I had lunch with Nee today and found out the latest with J. He was actually admitted to the hospital last weekend. Her eldest son phoned her with a concern that he thought J had cut a pentagram into his thigh. (It was their time at their Dad’s) Nee went to Hubs house and asked J to take down his pants so that she could confirm if this was true.

It was true, but he had actually used something to burn the pentagram into his thigh. At this point she informed both J and Hubs that she was taking him to the hospital because she knew something needed to be done. She had been in touch with their doctor regarding the cutting and the substance use, etc., so this was something she had been advised to watch for, etc.

The hospital admitted J and kept him for observation for two days. He is now taking some medication to help with the obvious depression, and due to the hospital stay, he has been short-listed for many services that would normally take the better part of a year to receive.

My heart is breaking for both my friend and her son.

Mental health issues have been in Hubs family for many years, but until days after his son was admitted to the hospital, he was not willing to acknowledge any problems or concerns with J. It would appear that he is starting to come around and actually DO something other than blame Nee for everything that has happened ‘wrong’ in their marriage. I am hoping he will also use this time to perhaps examine the reasons for her leaving him in the first place.

So, yet again, children’s mental health issues have reared its ugly head in my world. It is so sad to think that it often needs to go to major extremes before these kids can get the help and support they need.

Nee has taken a leave of absence from her job, and will be providing constant supervision to J, and it would appear that (finally) Hubs will be doing the same during his time with the boys, and he has acknowledged that sometimes she may be the better person to be with the kids, even if it’s “his week.”

I gave her a huge hug, and told her that I am here for her, whenever she needs me. She was there for me when I needed her, and I will be more than happy to provide that same necessary ear. I told her that I won’t offer advice – I will just be a sounding board.
She is going to need it for a while. I’m just so grateful that she became aware of this situation before it became really bad, and that she has been successful in getting the supports in place very quickly.

Not the best night

As my day progressed yesterday, I found myself feeling worse and worse with this blasted cold. When I picked the A-man up from my parents after work, it was all I could do to keep my head up. I just wanted to lie down and try to relieve some of the pressure in my skull.


When we got home, the A-man handed me two Advil Cold and Sinus tablets, and told me to go to bed. I didn't even argue with him. Once the tablets had started to take effect, I realized that I was, in fact, going to live.

This is about the time I remembered that the garbage and recycling had to be prepared for the morning. S came upstairs (this was about 8) and I reminded him that this needed to be done. I believe I got a sarcastic "Yeah, yeah" from him.

At 9:45, I made my way downstairs to confirm that everything had been prepared for the morning. The garbage was not done, the recycling had not been finished, the green bin was still full, and the cat's litter had not been emptied. The boys go to their rooms for the evening at 10 pm.

At this point I told them to get these tasks done so that they could be ready for bed when the time came. S lost it on me. He started yelling and carrying on.

At this point, he and I got in to a big ole heated discussion about timing of events and what is "essential" and what isn't. As I was talking to him, he started to put his hands into fists (his was of showing that he is angry) and started breathing really hard at me. I looked at his hands, moved my eyes back to his face, and told him, "You can knock that off right now. I reminded you about these chores almost two hours ago and you made the choice NOT to do them then. Now you have to do it when I say so - because you are NOT going to start this task when it is time for you to be in bed."

He stormed off and started to do what needed to be done. I went back up to my room to gather the garbage from our bathroom. It just so happens that our bathroom vent is joined to the vent in the laundry room where the A-man was cleaning the litter. Next thing I know, I hear the A-man and S having a conversation. S asks the A-man something, to which he replied, "I don't know."
In a very angry voice, S says "For the last F$%^&^^ time, tell me where the f*^%$^ bags are."

I calmly leaned down toward the vent and said, "Uh... S - I can hear every single word you are saying."

I started to come out of the bedroom, and saw S's reflection in the window coming up the stairs. As soon as he heard me walking down the hall, he turned quickly on his heel to head back to the foyer. I stopped him and told him that I did NOT appreciate hearing him talk that way to his brother - or anyone else for that matter. I then told him that he was not to take it out on either me or the A-man because *he* wasn't able to watch the last 15 minutes of a television show. At this point, I also told him that he had lost all electronic privileges for a one week period. Again the hands went into a fist, and he started yelling at me about how his brother was being a jerk, and on and on. I interrupted him and told him that if he didn't like the rules of the house, he didn't have to stay.

I was done listening to him, and he has been using an extremely snarky and nasty tone of voice for FAR too long lately. I can't count the number of times I have reminded him about tone of voice. I will not tolerate his being rude and disrespectful any more.

He grabbed his coat, and screamed "FINE!" at me. He went out the door, slamming it so hard that the wall hanging fell to the ground.

We live in the middle of nowhere. He was wearing a pair of sleep pants, no socks or shirt, a pair of crocs and his jacket. I'm not sure where, exactly, he thought he was going to go, but when he went out that door, quite honestly I was happy to see him go, and didn't care (at that point) if he came back in or not.

The A-man, on the other hand, was very concerned about where his brother would go. I knew he wouldn't 'go' anywhere; he would sit outside and wait for me to open the door and tell him to get back in the house. This is a routine that has happened way more times than I care to remember.

I was not going to give in this time. But, after the A-man finished washing the dishes, he went outside to try and get S to come back in. I waited about 10 more minutes until I was in a calmer state, and I opened the door and told them both to get back in the house and finish getting ready for bed. At first S refused, but I think after he took a moment to look at my face and consider the ramifications of his decision, he wisely came inside.

I told him to pick up and rehang the picture from the wall, and to finish getting the garbage ready. At this point I started to receive "the silent treatment." (really upset me, too. yeah, right.)

I'm going to have to have a very serious conversation with this young man very soon. I am beyond tired of this nonsense, and just about at my wit's end. I realize it is nowhere near as bad as it has been in the past, but I cannot keep living in his horrible rotation of his moods.

He is being lazy. Period. It is only when he gets to do what he wants to do, WHEN he wants to do it that he is pleasant to be around. When it is something he is "being forced to do" he gets all rude and surly. It just does not work that way.

I've take taken the day off today, and I am hoping I will be able to have a calm and rational conversation with him this evening. If I can't, I think I will have to get him back in to see a doctor.

I am tired.

ARGH!

Last night was reminiscent of days gone by. Days I had hoped to never have to live again.
Yesterday morning around 10.30 I got a phone call from the school. S had an altercation with another student during French and after all was said and done, S tried to bite the student in the hand. BITE! (I still do not understand where that came from!) It was only because the other boy had quickly moved that there wasn’t actual contact. What a can of worms that would have opened had actual contact occurred. (sigh)

I went off to the school to pick S up and take him home for the day. On the way home, I had S record a list of things I needed him to complete while he was at home. He was asked to pick up his room and take all dirty laundry into the laundry room, to wash the dishes from the night before’s supper, he had to finish his mental health project, and he had to check some of the equations on a math sheet he had completed and turned in.

When I got home from work – after picking S up from his weight training course at the Y – I discovered that he had completed only one of the tasks that had been assigned to him. He had taken his laundry downstairs, that was it. (Still, I did pretty good at keeping it together at this point.)

While S and I were driving home from the Y, I explained to him that his punishment for the actions as school would be the loss of television/video game/computer access for the evening. He had told me that he ‘forgot’ to work on his project, so I told him that he would be required to finish that once supper was complete, and the remainder of his evening would involve assisting me with the laundry.

I started getting the laundry sorted and getting the clean things folded and sorted. S was working on his project in the dining room and the A-man was working on the laptop, also in the dining room. The telephone rang, and while I was on the phone, both boys disappeared. I later realized they had gone out to the garage to watch/play with the pheasants.

I directed both boys back to completing their homework. S found a number of opportunities to leave his work station, and after I while I became very upset with him and told him that he needed to buckle down and just finish the work. The assignment wasn’t hard, nor did he need to reinvent the wheel. His project was on ADHD. He had done a speech about the same subject earlier this year. All he really needed to do was take the information from the speech and adjust it to fit within the parameters of the new assignment!

Next thing I know, S is standing outside by the road! He’s pacing the end of the driveway. I still do not know what brought his hasty exit, to tell the truth. I went outside and told him that he wasn’t in trouble, that I wasn’t angry with him, and that he just needed to come in the house and finish his work. He starts going on and on (and ON!) about how it wasn’t fair that he had to work alone on the assignment when everyone else had partners. How the project was boring. How the project was late so what did it matter if he did it anyway… After the tirade went on for a while, I lost my patience.

“You have to do the assignment because it’s part of your school work. If you don’t do your work, you do pass the class. If you don’t pass the class, you aren’t leaving Grade 8. If you don’t pass Grade 8, there is no need for you to attend the Grade 8 end-of-year-trip to Ottawa! So get in there and get the stupid project done! You’ve done the work already! In the time you have wasted moaning and groaning, you could have the thing finished!” He turns heel, and starts to runs back to the end of the driveway.

At this point, I didn’t care anymore. He was being a complete and total ASS, and I didn’t really want to have to deal with him, or talk to him, any longer. I went in to the house and continued what I had been doing. After a few minutes he comes back in to the house. I quietly told him what needed to be finished. He didn’t speak. After a few more minutes, with S still in the foyer, I calmly repeated the request and told him he needed to come upstairs and get finished. Next thing I know, I hear the front door open and close. I knew he didn’t go outside, but I didn’t react at this point. I waited a moment, then started to make my way across the living room to the foyer. At this point, he did actually go outside. By now, I was FURIOUS. He was acting like a complete and total jerk, and I’d had enough!

I went to the foyer and locked the front door. He wanted to be a jerk, he could just cool off outside until Hubby got home from his meeting in about 10 or 15 minutes. I heard S try the front door. Next thing I knew, he was coming in the side door off the patio. I told him to sit down and finish the project. He tells me, “I was going to lay down on the road, you know!”

Okay, so now he’s going to try and play THAT card again!?! Yeah, I didn’t buy it. I was just about lost my mind at this point. I told him that he was acting like a complete idiot and that he could STOP THAT right now. I wasn’t going to hear anymore nonsense like that… etc., etc.
I went down to grab another load of laundry and told him that I would call the school in the morning to request my money back for his trip. I wasn’t going to take the trip with him, and since he wasn’t going to be passing, he wouldn’t be needing to go anyway. I made sure I stayed downstairs at this point because I was so angry with him I was shaking!

A few yells back from S, and a few choice words, I’m sure, I hear him sitting at the table, pounding away on the laptop. After about 15 minutes, he came into the laundry room holding a sheet that simply said “DONE” on it. I guess this was his way of telling me that he wasn’t speaking to me. (I really didn’t care!)

I told him, “Fine. Now go brush your teeth and get into bed.” He seemed somewhat disappointed in the fact that I wasn’t upset about him not speaking. Suddenly his wee face crumples up and he says, “So, can I now go to Ottawa?”

Such hot and cold with that boy! He drives me absolutely inSANE! I love him with my whole heart, and I will fight to the ends of the earth for him, but GAWD! He ticks me off like no tomorrow!! If he actually put in half as much real effort in to completing his work as he does in avoiding it, he'd still be a straight A student!

I've gotta sign off now; I'm getting angry all over again just putting this all in to words again!

My bully wish

The Bully Factor.
It would appear that it is a part of life, regardless of where you live. My dear friend Bear shared a blog excerpt with me today. It was written by a young man living with both bipolar and Aspergers.

In his blog he explained the vicious cycle whereby being a child with Aspergers caused the bulling, which caused the anxiety, which caused post traumatic stress, which then aggravated his bipolar, which then brought out even more Asperger symptoms. What a sad, sad, never ending cycle.
I'm not sure if his parents/guardians were aware of what he was going through when it was happening, but they must have been. How could they not? He was in a fight so bad that he ended up with a broken jaw!

If I could be granted just one wish, it wouldn't be that all bullying stopped - I think that would be next to impossible.
My wish would be that all people were educated about the seriousness, the full detrimental effect that bullying, teasing, and tormenting can have on a person. I do believe that the bully often times believes they are 'just having fun' and not truly aware of how their so-called 'fun' can be at the (very serious) expense of another human's mental well-being. If THAT awareness could be raised, I think the world might just be a better place.

If I could add an additional educational tag to this wish, I would also wish that all parents have the knowledge, the time and the willingness to do battle against a bully and the yeast that allows this spawn to continue to ferment.
Last Spring I spoke to the mother of a girl that was actually not in school for the last two months of the year because it was just easier than going through the proper channels to make the bully stop. I was so upset by this.
My feeling was that rather than showing her daughter that she was there to help her, she (in my opinion) was simply showing her, "Well, I can't do anything about it. Just stay home and avoid that group of girls."
I tried to educate this Mom in to the "proper procedures" that need to be followed within the board; basically how to work the system to her advantage. She listened to what I suggested, but I'm sure she was thinking, "That is just too much work." It was simply easier to keep the girl home.

Education. That is my wish.

Results day

Today is the day we get the results of S's fMRI. I know we won't have any miraculous breakthroughs or anything like that, however, I am hoping we will be able to get a copy of the DVD to watch. Again, we won't really know what we are watching, but I still think it will be very fascinating!

I am also very interested to find out what types of therapies the doctor is going to recommend, and which - if any - mental health issues they should address. I'm sure it will be a very long, yet informative appointment.

Yesterday's "ice day" was pretty ironic - it was 8 (above freezing) for most of the day, and all of the snow/ice on the driveway melted, and a lot of the snow off the deck melted. Crazy to think they called the buses off the road for such a nice day! The R-man informed me this morning, though, that they are calling for a winter storm tonight. Nice. March - lion to lamb...I guess we have to see the lion part to appreciate the lamb, right?

Speaking of lamb, I am going to be heading down to Cuz's house this weekend to go to the Canada Bloom's Show. She doesn't live real close to where the show is held, but at least she is closer than I. Now, that said, I have made a big boo-boo, and done a wee bit of double-booking myself this weekend. But, I think a workable plan has been hatched, and we will STILL get to spend some quality time together - which we have not been able to do as much as we like to do normally.

Cuz, I won't be able to arrive until close to supper time on Saturday evening - Hubby is working Friday night, and I have an appointment/date with Jazzy's mom earlier on Saturday, so I thought I would be able to make it for drinks on Saturday, then we could head to the show on Sunday. Would that work?? I won't rush away after the show, but I think that is going to be the most workable option right now.

The A-man just read my last sentence over my shoulder and said, "Ugh...you are leaving again?? Every weekend you leave us...you hate us don't you?" He knows that is not true, but he sure does know how to pull on those heart strings...

Speaking of the A-man...toes are still looking icky, but I think we have been able to drain most of the infection. I am going to monitor things, and continue to pick at things, for a couple of days, and if I don't think I am going to be able to be successful with the hang nail, I will be making a doctor's appointment.

Hubby and I have made an appointment with a nutritionist for March 17. We have been planning on going to see her for quite a while, but the past few months have been just far to chaotic to even consider doing major dietary changes, too. It is time.

Show 1 almost done

Yesterday is a blur.
I woke up before 5 am, thinking about things that needed to be done when I returned to the show office. At 5, I sat up and started making notes about said things. Laid back down at 5:20. Back up at 5:45 and stayed there. (I am NOT a morning person, for those that aren't aware.)
Met boss in hotel lobby at 7:20 - was at the Centre for 8, and didn't actually have a chance to sit again until about 3:30. Turned my radio off and closed the door of my office - until an exhibitor came in.
6:30 - exhibitor reception. 8pm - dinner with clients, and potential new clients. Back to room for 11pm. I am meeting boss in lobby for 8:30 this morning, so I got a GOOD sleep last night.
We will be driving back home tomorrow, but I am going to hope that he won't rush the departure. A good, long sleep-in would be wonderful.

Hubby called me yesterday. S had some difficulties on Friday - Gramma had to come and get him from school, and either hubby or I need to bring him to school on Monday am to discuss. Neither hubby nor I can be there, so I guess I will be contacting the principal when I get back home - early afternoon. Don't really know the details at this point.

Okay - off for another day! Guess this will be the same in two weekends, but then I will be going on vacation!!

It's Saturday!

When I turn on my laptop, there is this little weather feature thingy that tells us the current weather, what to expect for the day, and then gives a 3 day forecast. This morning, at 8:37 am, it was -15 with a wind chill that makes it feel like -22! -22?!!??? Okay - it is only December...we are not supposed to be having weather this cold yet. Whatever happened to that whole 'global warming' trend everyone has been talking about?? Geesh. -22. Crazy, I tell ya...

On Thursday evening, the boys and I were all watching a Christmas special together. It was nice, I will admit. Towards the end of the movie, the A-man turns to S and says, "Are you going to tell her?" and S's face transforms into that well-known 'little black rain cloud' we are all so used to. He replied - with a grunt, I believe - "No." Feet go up so knees are at the chest, arms are crossed. (He had been quite relaxed prior to this.) My internal warning bells start flashing and screaming in my head. The A-man then informs S that he will tell me if S doesn't.

A few minutes later, S tells me that he is going to ask the principal if he can go back on his regular bus - no longer take the mini-van. The regular bus was not a good thing for S. Far too much stimuli, and non-structured time. I asked why he would want to do that, and it seems he had another problem with the other boy that rides with him. I mentioned another issue a few weeks back, actually.

After a bit of time, I was able to determine that the other boy had been 'bouncing' for the whole ride home, and by the end of it, S had enough. He had asked the boy to stop, he had given the boy warnings... really, he did all that is to be expected. Unfortunately, this boy also has low social skills, and either simply didn't get it, or simply didn't care. Anyway, S lost his temper. When the van stopped to let the other boy out, S took off his seat belt and grabbed the other boy in a choke hold. I guess he held him like this for a few moments, then let go. The boy cried, but after the driver reprimanded S, the other little boy gave S a taunting "Nah nah" as he was getting out of the vehicle.

I still maintain that this entire problem could be completely resolved if S would be allowed to ride in the front seat of the van, as he used to do. For whatever reason, our 'normal' principal decided S couldn't ride in the front because of the front air-bags. He's 12 years old - he weighs almost 70 pounds. Front air-bags are not a concern, but I guess the other kids were wanting to ride in the front, and rather than have an argument with all of them, she simply deemed that no one was allowed in the front. Stupid woman.

Yesterday morning, I tried to call the principal before school began, but he was in a meeting. I sent an email to the SERT to let her know what had transpired, and to request that she talk to the principal and see if together they could override the whole front seat issue. I know he would be fine if he could just have some distance from this other boy. When she wrote back to me, she told me about an incident that had occurred in the French class that morning. Another bit of a blow up, but this time, he simply got extremely agitated and eventually left the class and went to the special ed room.

This is actually a very big improvement for him. Very little upset to the others in the classroom, no insults or injury to anyone...he simply... left. The SERT's main concern was not the behaviour - it was the level of frustration poor S was enduring. Of course, with S, you can never get to the root of the entire issue right away. It takes a very long time, and often a very long and drawn out conversation. I did make mention the SERT (in my reply) that it is a week to the Christmas holidays... it is the time that we will start to see more escalations in his behaviour, simply because of the excitement brought on by the holidays. Predictably unpredictable is my wee guy. We know it's coming - we just never know what "it" will be.

S would not talk about it last night. To be honest, I was okay with that. I ended up working an extra hour last night - missed my dinner with the jury - and by the time I got home from work it was almost 7. I was tired, the weekend was upon us, and I knew I would have ample time to review the situation over the weekend.

As I have been typing this, I have had to chase the cats out of the tree - three times - and I have had a conversation with S about the events of yesterday. Of course, the actual 'incident' was simply the result of a number of weeks' frustration. I will have to have a good chat with both the SERT and the principal about this. Short version... I don't think the EA 'gets it.' Truly. Now I have to make sure I get this dealt with right away, because once the New Year hits, the 'regular' principal will be back - oh happy day.

Anyway - enough blogging for today. I have to finished sanding and prepping the foyer walls - we begin to paint today! And I think my new mantle is scheduled to be installed over the weekend, too!!

Today, I am empowered

We had our AGM for the ADHD group last night. First part was the meeting. Typical boring stuff - vote on this, vote on that. Just something that must be done.

The second half, however, was a dynamic speaker! She just made me feel so GOOD about all that I have been successful in doing, and also offered a few new tips and tricks I will have to give a go.

After the meeting, I had a couple of people tell me how much they enjoyed the article I had written for last month's newsletter. They said it was informative, interesting, and very well written. (In your face boss' ex...) Anyway, I just left that meeting feeling great.

When I got home, the A-man was very excited to tell me all about the play he had been to see. His drama teacher had secured VIP passes for her entire class, and he loved it. This is the second professional performance he has been to, and the reaction has been the same each time. Now, the performance I took him to over a year ago in Toronto (Lord of the Rings) was far more advanced in many respects, but still, the glow and excitement was just as real this time around. The boy loves the theatre!

S got his report card back. Pretty much what I was expecting, truth be told. Actually, some marks were quite a bit higher than I was expecting, so that is a nice surprise. Mostly low to mid 70's - a couple of 80's (!!) and not a very good mark in French, but that is to be expected at this point, I think. We will address that tomorrow at the meeting, I'm sure.

S had a good day yesterday. A blip in the radar, perhaps? We shall see... Specialist has indicated something in his last email - I have asked for clarification. Will post more when I know more.

And, we finally have a date for the fMRI - the last Thursday in January. Not really the best time for me, as that Friday is the move-in for one of the shows, but I will NOT request a date change - I've been waiting since July for this appointment, so we will just have to do a lot of driving in a very short period of time, I guess. City one (3 hours away) to back home, then from home to city two (2 1/2 hours the other way...)

Who has more fun that us??

NOT a happy camper

Shortly after 1pm today, I recieved a telephone call from the new acting principal. S had an incident at the school, and my presence was required. Great.

Off I go to the school. He had some sort of argument with some other kids in school yard during recess. Some of the kids were breaking the 'fort' he and two friends had created yesterday, and he started to become very angry and aggitated. When the principal went outside to talk to S, he thought he had been able to calm S down. He invited S to come in to the school and discuss the incident in the special ed. room. As the principal turned to walk in to the school, S scaled the fence, and ran off.

I take it he had also sworn at a couple of kids, and even used the words "I'll kill you" to at least one girl. Apparently this upset her greatly. gee, wonder why... Since he left the school yard, the principal felt he had to choice but to send S home for the rest of the day. Yeah - I didn't get the opportunity to return to work. Not a good thing.

S refused to talk to me when I was at the school. Well, he did a wee bit, but none of what he was saying really made much sense, and he continued to get worse, and more silly as the conversation progressed.

We left the school. I made a couple of stops on my way home, and by the time I was through the first errand, he seemed much calmer. We were able to better discuss the situation, and even come up with some alternative actions. The problem isn't him knowing the information - he knows it all - it's getting him to incorporate it in to his everyday thinking.

His specialist had actually sent me an email this morning indicating that he was concerned S may be feeling some stressors - he felt some of the more recent behaviours have been indicative of this. Guess he was right. I am going to take S in to school in the morning, and have a little follow up conversation with the principal about all of this.

On the up side - at least he didn't hurt himself or anyone else - but as he gets older, these sorts of threats will not be taken lightly. I know he doesn't mean them - he is far too kind a child for that - but he just uses that word (kill) to express that he is feeling very angry. I am waiting to hear back from the doctor on this.

My tummy hurts.

No internet

One disadvantage to country living - limited availability of highspeed. We either use dial up (never again, thank you very much) or we have it through satellite. The satellite usually isn't a problem, but last night we had that big, thick heavy snow falling, and the dish must have been covered in a thick coating. No satellite last night - no internet, no TV.

Been having some email conversations back and forth with S's SERT - I think she must be getting so sick of me. Anyway - news yesterday...principal has taken a three week leave of absence - AGAIN. She was away most of last week, and now she won't be back for three weeks. Report cards were supposed to come home yesterday, but guess what? They weren't done, so they are hoping we will get them by Wednesday. Worse thing our board ever did was hire that woman. I think they realize that too, but it's probably really difficult to clear out the dead wood. (Not like us lowly parents would ever be told anything, anyway.)

I have a meeting at the school on Friday - to go over his newest report card, to meet with the French teacher (he's been having problems in that class) and to have his IPRC formally changed to recognize all of his 'exceptionalities.' His doctor wants me to have a good talk with the teachers, as he feels S's is exhibiting signs of a major stressor, and he wants me to get to the heart of things before he explodes again. I think one of the stressors has already been removed - karate - but there is something happening at school, too, the doctor insists. We will see.

The A-man is working on a Science project. I have been given a list of things I have to pick up for the project - like bristol board, that sort of thing. I will have to do that tonight on my way home from work, I guess.

Got a "venting" email from Cuz last night. Her hubby (my actual cousin...Cuz is not related by blood) has been experiencing some health issues. This is not good - he had lymphoma a few years back, so this added stress for them is not good at all. Everyone reading this - cross your fingers that he gets well SOON. The other big news - their doctor is retiring in the next few weeks, hasn't told any of his patients, and now they have to try and find a new one. (Anyone from Ontario knows that trying to find a new doctor is next to impossible, so keep your fingers crossed, please.)

And that is all for now! Gotta dash to work!

NOT good

Warning - this one may be a bit of a rant.

I took S to karate last night, then went to do my thing for the couple of hours he was there. When I went to pick him up, he came out and told me that his sensi wanted to talk to me. Apparently S has not been behaving while at karate. A couple of weeks ago, he waved his middle finger at her, and last night he refused to do the push ups they told him to do when he was being disrepectful. He basically sat out for the duration of the class. Oh yeah, I am ticked. He finally finds something that he is GOOD at, something that is good for him, and now he has just decided to blow it off. Not for any good reason - just because.

He didn't want to get in the with me after my talk with the sensi - he thought I was going to yell at him. Truth be told, I am so angry at him, it's just best I don't talk to him at all. Was a very quiet drive home, and he knew to just avoid me for the remainder of the evening. Hubby knew something was wrong with me, but I couldn't say too much because the A-man was watching a show with us. I guess we will be having a discussion this evening.

THEN, when I am home, I ask to see the A-man's commercial he had to make. I thought it was for Drama class, but it turns out it's for Geography. It's supposed to be a commercial about Canada. What a piece of crap that is. You can completely and totally tell he put as minimal effort in to this as he possibly could. Hubby warned me before watching it that he and A-man had a discussion about lack of effort - I guess that was to warn me not to go off. I watched it, then just went back to folding laundry. My bet is he will get about 50 or maybe 60%. That would be a stretch, however.

This momma is not impressed.

umm... English please??

Here is a copy of an email I received from S's specialist today. It is a forward from the new doctor S will be seeing for the fMRI...

Dr R
I'm planning to set up S's fMRI. As I see it on your requisition, he is a 12 year old with Aspergers syndrome, with anxiety. I'm thinking of doing covert Verb generation, Sentence Completion and Naming paradigms. Do you think he will be able to lay in the magnet for an hour without moving? Do you think he could follow instructions to do these tests? If yes, maybe doing a Diffusion Tensor Imaging to visualize white matter fibers and comparing the Arcuate fasciculus to normals would be of interest as well. If you think he could not handle it please let me know.
Thanks
Dr's name & hospital

Okay, this email has me puzzled for a couple of reasons. Uh...aspergers syndrome? We have never been told he has this disorder. And what the HECK are all these other tests all about??!! I can tell I will be spending a bit of time on the google search engine tonight...

I forwarded this to S's special ed teacher, and she replied very quickly. Her email indicated that if S has Aspergers, we will have to have his IPRC placement adjusted, and she is very upset that the original psycho-ed assessment didn't catch this along with his learning disorders. (This is one disorder she understands well as her eldest child has been undergoing testing for it.)

In the past, S's doctor has indicated that he feels S has a "nonverbal learning disorder." When I sent him a WTF? email about the Asperger's dx, our current specialist's reply email to me indicated that this NVLD would fall within the Aspergers Syndrome spectrum of disorders, and he assured me that S doesn't have Aspergers and the other doctor must have assumed this because of the testing that has been requested. I am not 100% convinced. That is a pretty big assumption for a doctor to make when setting up a very specific, very specialized type of test. Part of me is wondering if Dr R. is wanting to rule out Aspergers with this testing. I am so confused...

Aspergers would definitely explain the lack of social skill's development. I guess we will just have to play the waiting game - again. In the meantime, I have all kinds of new information to research...

I'm afraid to say it out loud...

...in fact, I just can't do it because I think it will jinx things.

Tonight, after dinner, both boys got right to their homework, with no arguments, with no tears, and with no problems what so ever. Do you know why I can't say it out loud yet?

While we were having dinner, I mentioned that I had to leave around 7pm for an ADHD meeting, and asked what homework had been assigned. S volunteered that he had both Math and Geography homework, and the A-man told me they did a Science lab today, and he needed to complete the report for a hand in tomorrow. I suggested they keep in mind that I was only going to be available for 'homework duty' until 7.

Right after they finished clearing the supper dishes, S pulled out his Math homework while I was loading up the Science lab template we had created when the A-man completed his last lab. While I was doing that, I could hear the A-man explaining to S about how to go about calculating the area of certain shapes, etc. (!!) The A-man has never helped his brother with homework, and he told me that he was missing doing math, so he was happy to help. (Okay...sounds good to me...)

I was able to download my email, then even go down to my office to print some information for my meeting, and both boys continued on with their homework. I am so amazed. S was finished before I left for my meeting, and the A-man was happily typing away on the computer. When I returned, he explained to me that he didn't complete the lab because he had deleted some columns from the table on the template, then tried to centre the table, and ran in to some difficulties. I adjusted it as best I could - basically just did a cut and paste to another template - and then he sat down right away and finished putting in the information! Yes, I am in shock.

While the A-man was printing his lab, I noticed that his Science book has a lot of loose papers not put in the right places, so I think he is going to need a bit more help with keeping his notes organized. I might send an email to his Learning Strategies teacher about that tomorrow... mmm, maybe not. I think I will recommend he work on getting that put away during his lunch break, and if it doesn't come home tomorrow night in a more organized fashion, I will take the next step.

Went over S's safe plan and IEP last night. For the most part, I am happy with both documents, and I am willing to sign the Safe Plan as it is currently written. The IEP still has a number of vague statements that I would like to see tightened up and clarified, but even if that is done, it doesn't mean the teacher is going to follow it, does it? But, my hope is now that S has an EA we will see a bit more of the IEP being followed.

We have a specialist appointment tomorrow. I actually sent him an email this afternoon letting him know about the Team Meeting that was held last week, and what sorts of details the school is requesting. Just received a reply email from him telling me that he will have the documentation ready when we arrive for the meeting. I must say, this online subscription for this doctor is worth the monthly fee. I will be stopping the service after S has his fMRI, but until then, I like knowing that I can post my concerns on a secure, password protected forum and the doctor will reply within a day or two.

He also indicated that he would have some details about the changes that often occur when children start to enter puberty. Of course, we all know what happens, but when you have a child with a very delicate mental state, I'm sure there will be many things to keep in mind. I know the doctor is wanting to start to reduce the anxiety medication S is taking, and that will probably be the number one agenda item tomorrow afternoon.

The weather has started to become more Fall-like. I am not happy about the cool, damp days that we have had the last two days. It's very hard getting out of bed when the sky is still so dark. From the forecast, it doesn't appear to be ready to let up, either. Ugh...soon they will be calling for snow.

Sneaky Little Rat Fink...

Why, oh why, do children really think they can pull a fast one on their parents?


Oh yes, he did. He lied to me about having homework. I tried to allow him the opportunity to suddenly 'remember' his homework...but he kept trying to say he didn't. Totally busted. He was slow moving this morning - not ready when the bus arrived. I went out to wave the bus on, then came in and told him that it was the perfect time for him to get his homework done. He looked at me funny, and I told him that I knew he had homework because the teacher had told me he did. I was very annoyed and angry, but I was able to just say it like a person would say "Hey, how are you?" You know how long it took for him to complete the work? Yeah - less than 5 minutes.


I don't know how I am going to impress upon him the need to do his homework AT home. It is not called "buswork" for a reason. It is HOMEwork - meant to be done at HOME. Television privileges, and computer privileges are going to have to be reduced for a little bit, I think. Priorities...it's all about what is most important. TV and computers - not important. Education - very important.

...little while later...

The A-man was reading over my shoulder as I was typing the above post. He has never actually come to my blog - not sure if he ever would take the time to read it - but, since he started reading what I was typing at about the 3rd sentence, I figured I should direct my comments to him.

Received a phone call yesterday afternoon from the science teacher. She was apologetic for not being aware of his situation. I told her that I understood these things take time to filter down to the teacher, but thought I would take the initial steps to bring her up to speed on the learning challenges faced by the A-man, etc. She is going to provide him with notes at the beginning of class when there is a lot of written work, but he will be expected to still take smaller notes. That is fine with me - he needs to learn how to do both, right? She also requested that the A-man make a point of coming in and talking to her about his needs - if he needs to release some tics, or if he is feeling frustrated, she wants a code word between them - that sort of thing.

He did go in a bit early yesterday to ask his questions, but he didn't tell her about the Tourettes or the note taking. Told me he didn't have time. I explained to him - again - that there are many others that require special treatments, etc., and if its not made in to a big deal, it won't become one. This morning, as we were driving in to school, I explained that if he simply takes the notes and carries on, chances are the rest of the people in the class won't even notice. I also explained to him that there are others in the class that are getting what he calls 'special treatment' and asked him if was aware of it. He wasn't. I'm hoping he starts to get it.

S had another good day. He didn't get much done on the project, though. First night of cadets for the A-man, my birthday, and other errands had to take priority for us. Tonight is a free night for all, and both will be required to do some work on their various projects.

On a very sad note, an acquaintance of hubby and I had some very tragic events occur yesterday. Again, mental health issues have reared their ugly head in our lives. An 18 year old boy suddenly took his own life yesterday afternoon. He left a message on Facebook for his friends, phoned his mother to "forgive her", wrote a note to the family, and broke the locks of his father's hunting equipment. There were many locks. It's all so sad, and very difficult to explain to the kids. Bear's son was very close to this boy - I am very worried about how he will cope with this. He is such a sensitive and sweet boy -dealing with far too much for a boy of 13.

Hug those close to you. And tell them you love them. You just never know.

Grade 5 - the nightmare begins...

I held a great deal of hope that THIS would be the year that S was going to turn around. We had the knowledge of his learning disabilities, we knew why he wasn't doing as well at school as he should have...it could only improve.


The beginning of Grade 5 for S started with a big change in the school. A new principal. I went in to the school the week before school began to discuss the findings of the pysho-ed assessment, to provide some detailed information about my little man, and to start a plan of attack for the new school year. When I came home that day, I told hubby that she (I'll call her Ms. B) was going to be great. Ms. B came from a much larger district, and just gave me the impression that she appreciated an involved parent, and would do all she could to help him succeed. (Side note, as I retell this story, please remember that this was the year from hell from the A-man)


The beginning of school - S had the same teacher as the year before. I thought this was good because she knew him, she was aware of his learning problems, and she would be able to ensure some new strategies were in place for him. The start of the year - as always - was great. I love the honeymoon stage of the school year. Within a month, however, S started to complain about a few kids being really mean to him. It was always the same names. I would talk about it with him, and we would come up with ways to either avoid the situation, or how to improve upon things. The one black spot on the start of the school year was the IEP that came home in September.


I was LIVID with that document. I remember sitting down and writing a very long letter expressing my concerns about the fact that I had not been consulted about the preparation of the IEP, and at my concern about the training the teacher that had prepared it. (He had been in our school for years, but had never done Special Ed - I didn't think he was trained to do this job, and demanded to know his qualifications.) Within two days of sending that letter, I received a phone call from the Spec Ed Teacher asking me to come in for a meeting to discuss S's educational needs and to assist with formulating his IEP.


When I went to the meeting, I was all prepared to see that the recommendations from the psyco-ed were all addressed. With every single special need I mentioned, I was told by the Spec Ed teacher that either he didn't have time to do that, or that it simply couldn't be done. I was starting to learn the resources were slim to nil, and it appeared to me that our Spec Ed teacher wasn't will to provide what S was going to need. Finally, after a lengthy meeting, we were able to formulate a document that I was somewhat satisfied with, and hoped would be able to provide for my 10 year old.


The school year carried on. Sometime around Christmas I received a phone call from Ms. B telling me that S had a major incident in the classroom. The teacher had been forced to put the class in 'lockdown' because of his actions, and someone needed to come and take him home. My mother in law was able to get to the school the fastest, and when she got there, the class was all in library and S was with the principal in the classroom. He was still very aggitated, but went out quietly with MIL. When I talked about the incident with S, he told me that LB, and Tay had been really bugging him prior to his explosion, and although he had exhausted the resources he and I had come up with, they continued, and he just snapped. He had received a suspension for this behaviour. LB and Tay were the ones that had started picking on him earlier in the school year, and it was almost a daily occurence that I heard either one or both of these names over the dinner table.


The days limped in to the spring. The week before March Break, I receive yet another phone call, telling me that the class has (again) been put in lockdown, and I needed to come and get S from school. He was suspended (again) and this time the principal was ticked because she was getting phone calls from angry parents. They didn't like the fact that "one child was holding the entire class hostage." I didn't either. My feelings then (and still now) were that the teacher took very extreme action that could have been avoided. S weighed all of 60 pounds, and was about 4 feet tall - not exactly a strapping young man. Add in the fact that there was a male EA in the classroom, and I could not quite understand how something could get so out of hand so quickly. Had I been there, I would have simply taken S by the arm, and removed HIM from the classroom rather than forcing 27 children between two sets of doors for 20 minutes. Again, upon very LONG discussions with my son, I determined that the blow up was a directly result of non-stop bugging from both LB and Tay. I was really starting to dislike these boys.

S started to talk about killing himself around this point in time. At first I thought he was simply being dramatic, but after a number of re-occuring comments, I had started to seek out a doctor for help. There was a BIG waiting list (about a year, I was advised) so we joined the list. I utilized hubby's medical plan, and found a temporary therapist that would see S for about 5 sesssions.

While all of this was happening within the school, I was seeking additional outside support. Our family services agency had discharged us, stating they had done all they could for us - our worker commented that I had taken so many courses I could start TEACHING them. They felt that as a family unit we had done all we could, and felt the problems that were occurring now were problems within the school, and the school needed to address them. I had started attending monthly information sessions held by the LDAO (learning disabilities association of ontario) and the ADHD group in the city. These weren't the typical "oh my life is so hard..." gripe sessions - these were professionals coming in to discuss various subjects on a monthly basis. One of these meetings had a presenter come in that talked about a group session for kids like mine called "Fair Play." It was run by Social and Youth Workers, and would incorporate learning strategies through play with other kids. I enrolled S in to this program for the Spring session.

Shortly after the second 'lockdown' incident at the school, S started his "Fair Play" group sessions. He did amazing! He made a lot of friends very quickly - which he had been losing at school due to his recent outbursts - and he was a very kind, considerate and helpful to all of the other participants and leaders of the group. He was given the "Awesome Kid" award for something he had done on the first session. I started to have hope that he was just experiencing a blip on the radar at the school, and THIS boy, this S at Fair Play, was going to emerge at the school. Since his 'dying' comments continued, we started to have a 'play therapist' come in and work with Stephen once a week. It was expensive, but if it was going to help him work through some of his anxiety and issues, we felt it would be worth it.

On the first of May, S turned 11. On the third of May, I received a frantic phone call from the principal. Apparently S had tried to jump in front of a moving bus, and when she grabbed him to safety, he clawed at her, and took off from the school grounds. The police were trying to locate him, and I needed to get to the school immediately. When I arrived at the school, a very sullen S was sitting in the principal's office with Ms. B, one police officer, and one volunteer community police officer. He was being questioned by the police officer when I arrived. Was that even legal? Anyway, the police deemed this incident to be an attempted suicide, and contacted the Children's Aide Society. I tried to explain to the officer that I was very much aware of the seriousness of the situation, that his name was already on a waiting list for medical help, and tried to reiterate that contacting CAS was neither necessary, nor would it be helpful. The officer felt that by starting a file, we would receive support faster. I realized I would not be able to change her mind, and left her to make her phone call. While she was doing so, Ms. B and the volunteer officer were having a conversation with S. What happened next will be forever etched in my brain.

Ms. B went on a tangent with S, and told him (and yes, this is a direct quote that I will NEVER forget) "... (his) teacher was sick of his behaviour, (his) classmates were sick of his behaviour, (his) mother was sick of his behaviour, (SHE) was sick of his behaviour, and it was time for him to GROW UP AND BE A MAN!" To this, S replied "But I'm not a man" and she told him "Well, BE a man." After this comment, I was finally able to find my voice, and I interupted them. I have no idea what I said, I simply knew I needed to stop this insane conversation. Ms. B then informed S that he was suspended from school for a week, and from the bus "until she said so!" Yeah, that was really going to help.

The police officer returned from making her phone call to CAS and asked me if I was willing to take S to the hospital for observation. I said I was. She was glad I said that, because she told me later that had I said I wouldn't take him to the hospital, she would have been forced to arrest him, and take him to the hospital in the police car. This made me realize what stupid laws we sometimes have in this country. Anyway, the officer called ahead to the hospital to inform them we were coming, and then followed me to the hospital. I guess whoever she spoke to hadn't informed the Triage nurse of our arrival, and we sat in the Emerg waiting room for a while. S was fine at this point. He played video games, watched some TV, or just sat calmly and ate his sandwich. Both officers remained with us. Finally a doctor took S (and me and the officers) to a private room. The doctor talked to S, trying to assess his frame of mind. Needless to say, *I* was a mess at this point, but I was doing all I could to keep it together. I had called hubby at work, so he was very much aware of the situtation, and ready to go where needed whenever it was determined. I had made arrangements to have the A-man over at a neighbour's house.

After talking to S, the doctor felt he needed to be transfered to another facility where he would be able to receive the medical attention that was necessary. He asked me if I would be willing to take S to whatever hospital would take him, and I said I would. He commented that he thought I would - which I found to be a strange comment at the time, but apparently some parents will refuse to do this sort of thing. Anyway, I left the room to call hubby and inform him that we would be transfering S to another facility with doctors that could help him get through these thoughts. When I returned to the Emerg, the doctor stopped me to tell me that no hospital would take S. There was no room for him, apparently. So, he said, "I am going to release him to your care" but he recommended that we take S to XX hospital - about an hour and a half away - and basically go through the whole "emerg" proceedure again. He said they could refuse a transfer from another hospital, but they had to see him if we took him ourselves. I said we would do that. I returned to the room and told the officers that nothing futher was going to be done, that he was going to be released, and they did not believe me. When the doctor confirmed this, the police officer was amazed.

I called hubby - he had made arrangements to leave work - and we made arrangements to take the A-man to his Grandparents, and hubby and I were taking S to XX hospital. We had no idea what was going to happen next, or how long we would be at the hospital.

Okay - that is MORE than enough for now. My gut is killing me.

So, this is cool - I have a blog!

I just noticed tonight that my friend Bear has a blog. Never been to it before, but tonight I checked it out. And decided I, too, needed to blog. Does anybody READ a blog? I mean, really? I know lots of people WRITE them, but does anyone really take the time necessary to read another person's blog? I'm no one special - does anyone out there really care about what I have to say?

I read Bear's blog. Every single post. Some of them made me sad. Well, her most recent one didn't - it was very positive and upbeat. The ones she wrote in the winter - they made me feel very bad for my friend. I think it's great that she is on the mend. Mental health issues truly bite the big one.

My youngest son (S) has mental health issues. It pisses me off when I hear people make negative comments about those suffering in silence. He's only a little kid! He didn't ask to have these problems, nor did he do anything WRONG. (Dumb asses.)

And, no, we aren't bad parents - we haven't "done something wrong" to "make" him turn out this way. Whatever. It's a very real, very painful disorder - just one that can't be seen to the naked eye. Mental health issues are just as real as MS, or lukeimia, or cancer. Are you going to fault the parent, or the person suffering, because they have cancer?? You'd be one sick puppy if you did. But, S has a great doctor, and he will likely be going for an fMRI in the next little while. This is an actual, factual brain scan. It will tell us (and the school personelle) what is really happening with his strangely-wired brain.

Okay - don't know where that all came from. Oh, right, Bear's blog. Anyway, I'm going to see Bear this weekend. I'm looking forward to it. She and I have known each other for more than 25 years, and we were always close. Then, about 2 years ago, I think she broke up with me, but just didn't tell me. Now I know what was going on with her at the time, and I understand (truly, I do) but I was so sad at the time to realize I'd been dumped, and I had no clue what I had done wrong! But, we are back on again! (Isn't it great when people get back together??) So, this Saturday should be a lot of fun.

I had a 'girl's weekend' at the cottage last weekend. There were 6 of us in total, and it was way more fun than I thought it would have been. You know how it can be when you introduce 3 sets of friends - most of whom have never met before? Yeah - I was the only common denominator in that mix. But, it worked out well, and I think it will become an annual event.

The bitchy-boss'-ex is still in the office. God she drives me nuts. Loved the comment today, "Did your boss buy you lunch AGAIN today? It's so nice that he buys you lunch. I don't know why you even bother to BRING a lunch." Yeah, cuz I'm after your hairy Italian BeeYotch!! She's a goon, and I can not wait for her to get her fake-blond ass out of that office. It was supposed to happen over a year ago, so I am NOT holding my breath.

So, that is my first blog. Interesting. Sort of random thoughts, just set down for people to read. Interesting.