Busy Weekend - Quieter Week

I left last Thursday for a weekend at a trade show.  My last offical trade show as an employee of the company, actually.

Thursday was a pretty good day.  Boss and I had to slug/lug quite a few boxes as a number of clients didn't feel the need to show up and actually do anything to their booths prior to the show.  Friday morning dawned early, and I found myself at the show quite early to make sure we had everything ready for the opening.

I called home that night around 8.  S informed me that he had been 'dumped' the night before and that he was okay that evening because he had cried it all out the night before.  We chatted for a little bit about various things and then he gave the phone to the A-man so that I could chat with him, too.

Sometime around midnight my cell phone rang.  It was the A-man asking me to talk to S.  Apparently S was very angry and doing some pretty silly things, including trying to take the trim off his bedroom door.  I will never understand what possesses him to do certain things.
I spoke with S for a few moments, and suggested that he just go to bed and that things would look much better in the morning.  I knew that Hubby would be home within the half hour, so I knew that if the tirade was still going on he would be able to deal with it then.

When I called home on Saturday, Hubby told me that both boys were in bed when he had arrived home and it had appeared that all was well.  I explained about the convervation the A-man and I had shared at midnight, and asked him to follow up on things.

I got home on Sunday around 6:30.  We had dinner and a hot tub, and I was in bed before 9pm.

Last night I had an opportunity to speak with S about the events of Friday night, and he told me that he really did not know why he became as upset as he had.  Actually, it appeared that he was getting his nights mixed up.  We talked about some coping techniques, and things to consider "the next time" but I'm not really putting much hope on his doing the right thing "next time."

This is my last week at this job.  I've been putting together a summary of the various tasks that I do, and I'm trying to include step by step instructions for many of them.  It's quite the novel right now.  I've forwarded it to K, and she and I and boss will be going over it in the next few days to make sure I have covered off most of it.

I still don't have a start date for my new position, but I am quite looking forward to having a couple of weeks off!

Not a stellar evening

Last night was not one I would like to repeat any time soon.

The A-man had a rugby practise after school, so I picked him up at my parents after work.  When we arrived home, nothing had been done with respect to the required kitchen clean up.  It was a mess, actually.  A few weeks back, during a family meeting about the chores not getting done, it was decided that I would not begin cooking dinner for the family until the kitchen was in a presentable state.

Well, I was hungry - and I had been really looking forward to the dinner I had planned for the night.  (Seafood medley on sticky rice...)  When the A-man finished changing out of his school uniform and came in to the kitchen to begin the work, I called down to S to remind him that he needed to come and help his brother with the clean up.

Up the stairs comes my little black rain cloud.  Fists tight, heavy breathing... "WHAT?," he demands.

I remind him that the kitchen needs to be cleaned up so that I can start dinner.  He becomes extremely frustrated because he "just wants to finish watching this ONE show."  (Let's not even get in to the fact that he's been home now for the better part of two hours and could have more than completed the task way before "this show" began.  The A-man offered a solution... he would be more than willing to do the entire kitchen clean up before dinner as long as S would agree to doing all of the clean up after the meal.  S said, "Fine" and started back downstairs. 
Before I would let him downstairs, however, I reminded him that this meant all of the table needed to be cleared, all of the dishes into the dishwasher, and all of the hand wash items needed to be washed, dried and put away in order for this task to be labelled 'done.' 

I received a very sarcastic "Yes, Mom.  I am aware of what will need to be done.  I am fine with that.  Now can I just go?!"

I had my doubts.  (Hindsight:  I should have not let these negoiations take place.)

The A-man did the kitchen clean up and I started dinner.  While dinner was cooking, S was on the telephone with two different friends.  (For the record, supper was very tasty.)

Once I finished eating, I reminded S that he was responsible for the entire post-dinner clean up.  I reminded him of what the various tasks were - again, I received an eye roll complete with a "Yes, Mom... I know this"

I went downstairs to tackle the evening.  Move forward to an hour and a half later.  I come up the stairs to check on the progress.  Let's just say there had not BEEN any progres.  Sure, the A-man's plate and S's plates were off the dinner table, but for some reason my plate remained on the table, along with the rice pot.  None of the dishes were done, none of the counters wiped off... nothing was done.  I went looking for S.  He was laying on his bed watching 'Grease' on his laptop.

And then it began.  Screaming, yelling... tears, even.  Apparently I only had children so that I would have built in slaves that are just around to do my bidding.  The front door was slammed...  Oh yeah - it was a GREAT night.

Sometimes I just hate that kid.

Not really hate him - but I really, really, REALLY hate the way that he behaves and reacts to things.  It took my threatening to not allow him on the school downhill skiing trip on Wednesday or the Ice Fishing Trip on Thursday for anything to get done.

The attitude stinks.  I am really grateful that I have the house to myself this evening.  It will be nice to have some quiet time.

I'm really at a loss of how to get through to this boy. 

Family Day Weekend

Yesterday was the first ever Family Day I have been home since the new holiday began three years ago.  The last two years I have been in Mississippi at the Governor's Conference.  The Conference was moved to two weeks later... and I'm not going to it this year since I'm leaving the company.

Anyway - since it was Family Day, I told the boys that if they helped with the house tidy in the morning, we would be able to use the afternoon to have some fun.  Hubby and I thought Family Winter Olympics on the Wii would be suiting since the Olympics are here in Canada right now.

S was looking forward to playing his actual Olympics game.  After everyone was ready, we got started.  The boys both had a turn at the skiing event.  Next up was Hubby and I.  We asked the A-man about the proper way to hold the romotes for this particular game, and the next thing we knew, S was having a MAJOR melt down.  He actually stormed off upstairs to "calm down before (he) screams his head off." 
Yeah - we sort of lost the joy of the game at this point.

Hubby turned the game off, and we decided to find a movie to watch instead.  I'm still not sure what brought on that explosion, but I just felt it was best to carry on and not bring it up again.

We had a pretty good weekend, though.  Hubby and I helped Nee move over the weekend.  She actually asked a crew of people to help her, and by the time we left on Saturday night, she was moved in and set up other than a few pictures on the walls.
Sunday the A-man had asked R out on a bowling date.  Nothing like a date with your parents and little brother along for fun.  We had a good time that afternoon.  Sunday evening was a chilling by the fireplace kind of night.

And now another work week begins...

Snow storms and the Drama play

Poor wee little A-man.


For the past month or so, he has been laminating about wanting snow to arrive. “When is it going to snow?” I would hear at least a couple times a week. I always assured him that it would come, and when it did, it would arrive in abundance.

Well, arrive it has. It all started on Wednesday morning. I woke up to listen to the radio to find out if the gale-force winds were going to keep the busses off the road. I heard that the “red zone” busses to our school were not running, so I assumed that meant my kids were not going to school that day. I didn’t get the boys out of bed, and as I was sitting having my tea, the next thing I know – S’s bus is sitting at the end of the driveway!

I went outside – in my bathrobe and slippers – to tell the driver that I didn’t realize we weren’t in the red zone, and that S was still in bed. When I came back in, I informed the A-man that it wasn’t a snow day and he needed to get up. He rushed around like a wild man to catch his bus. I told him that he didn’t have to rush because I was going to be taking S in anyway, but he told me that whenever I drive him in to school he is always late, so he would rather rush to catch the bus. Brat.

Wednesday was also the first day that the A-man’s play was supposed to be performed in front of a live audience. The A-man is not is the performing cast for this run – his cast is in January – but his cast is responsible for all the behind the scenes items. The A-man’s job is lighting.

Well, since it was a ‘red zone’ day, a number of the students weren’t at the school, so the performance had to be cancelled. Thursday was to be a morning performance and an evening performance. Thursday was also a “red zone” day because of the weather. With this news, we were informed that the evening performance would happen on Monday evening.

This morning… yup, another red zone day. Talk about a grouch! “When is the snow going to stop?! I am sick of this weather!...” and on and on and ON he went. He looked outside our windows and couldn’t understand why it was a partial snow day. It looked fine to him. (Except for the blowing snow everywhere he was correct.) He was so upset about the idea of another day of the performance being cancelled; he didn’t even want to go to school today. “There is no point. No one will be at school – the teachers aren’t going to teach anything. It’s a waste of my time…” mumble, mumble, grumble, grumble...

Snarly-snarky went out to catch his bus. It was shortly after he left that a message came through on Facebook from the play’s page administrator. This student received a text from the son of the Drama teacher – he is also in the play – saying that the show was going to go on. She was not going to cancel today’s performance.

I sent the A-man a text to let him know, but never heard back, so I assumed he was in such a foul mood he had either left his phone at home, or had it off and wouldn’t get the message. I’m not sure how she is going to swing the performance today, but I am very glad that they are going to get to do something. These kids have been working VERY hard on the play – the sets, the rehearsals – and I am sure it is very frustrating to think that they may not get to show off their hard work. They only have Monday and Tuesday as viable options for next week because of the school mass on Wednesday and the Talent show on Thursday. Friday is ‘movie’ day, so it wouldn’t happen then, either.

Got a text from the A-man around 9 this morning: “Thank you sorry for being a chubi.” Not sure what a ‘chubi’ is, but I will assume he was apologizing for the grumbles I had to live through this morning.

This play certainly has opened many doors of conversation between the A-man and I. Since he was staying so many nights to work on the set, he and I have had a chance to enjoy many hours of one on one time. This past Sunday, however, was some one-on-one time I never expected to have with my son. I had to teach the A-man how to apply makeup.

On Sunday afternoon, both casts performed their final dress rehearsals. This was the day that both casts would be videotaped for the making of the play’s DVD as well. About half an hour before we had to leave to head to the school, the A-man tells me that he is nervous about having to put on his own makeup. I had assumed that someone would be helping each of the students with that, but apparently each student would be responsible for their own makeup duties. The A-man informed me of this as he was making his lunch.

As the time to leaving was getting closer and closer, I finally told the A-man to bring his lunch in to my bedroom so that I could show him the basics of makeup application. Cold cream. Foundation – make sure you get the spot under your nose! Setting powder – don’t normally do that step, but okay, I can show you how to do that… the entire time he was eating, and reading from his ‘step by step instructions’ and I was putting makeup on myself. I chuckled when he called it ‘rouge’ – haven’t heard blusher called that since I was a little kid! Anyway, I was pretty spruced up for my trip to the grocery store, and I think the A-man felt a little more comfortable with the process. I assured him that all of the girls on the cast would know how to do each of these steps, and I was pretty sure they would be more than happy to help the guys with the application. (Turns out I was right – shocking, really.)

So, I am looking forward to hearing about how the teacher pulled off the performance with some of the cast members storm stayed at their homes, but I am sure she will just switch some of the performers from Cast B to A. At least he will get the chance to do his lighting today.

Not the best night

As my day progressed yesterday, I found myself feeling worse and worse with this blasted cold. When I picked the A-man up from my parents after work, it was all I could do to keep my head up. I just wanted to lie down and try to relieve some of the pressure in my skull.


When we got home, the A-man handed me two Advil Cold and Sinus tablets, and told me to go to bed. I didn't even argue with him. Once the tablets had started to take effect, I realized that I was, in fact, going to live.

This is about the time I remembered that the garbage and recycling had to be prepared for the morning. S came upstairs (this was about 8) and I reminded him that this needed to be done. I believe I got a sarcastic "Yeah, yeah" from him.

At 9:45, I made my way downstairs to confirm that everything had been prepared for the morning. The garbage was not done, the recycling had not been finished, the green bin was still full, and the cat's litter had not been emptied. The boys go to their rooms for the evening at 10 pm.

At this point I told them to get these tasks done so that they could be ready for bed when the time came. S lost it on me. He started yelling and carrying on.

At this point, he and I got in to a big ole heated discussion about timing of events and what is "essential" and what isn't. As I was talking to him, he started to put his hands into fists (his was of showing that he is angry) and started breathing really hard at me. I looked at his hands, moved my eyes back to his face, and told him, "You can knock that off right now. I reminded you about these chores almost two hours ago and you made the choice NOT to do them then. Now you have to do it when I say so - because you are NOT going to start this task when it is time for you to be in bed."

He stormed off and started to do what needed to be done. I went back up to my room to gather the garbage from our bathroom. It just so happens that our bathroom vent is joined to the vent in the laundry room where the A-man was cleaning the litter. Next thing I know, I hear the A-man and S having a conversation. S asks the A-man something, to which he replied, "I don't know."
In a very angry voice, S says "For the last F$%^&^^ time, tell me where the f*^%$^ bags are."

I calmly leaned down toward the vent and said, "Uh... S - I can hear every single word you are saying."

I started to come out of the bedroom, and saw S's reflection in the window coming up the stairs. As soon as he heard me walking down the hall, he turned quickly on his heel to head back to the foyer. I stopped him and told him that I did NOT appreciate hearing him talk that way to his brother - or anyone else for that matter. I then told him that he was not to take it out on either me or the A-man because *he* wasn't able to watch the last 15 minutes of a television show. At this point, I also told him that he had lost all electronic privileges for a one week period. Again the hands went into a fist, and he started yelling at me about how his brother was being a jerk, and on and on. I interrupted him and told him that if he didn't like the rules of the house, he didn't have to stay.

I was done listening to him, and he has been using an extremely snarky and nasty tone of voice for FAR too long lately. I can't count the number of times I have reminded him about tone of voice. I will not tolerate his being rude and disrespectful any more.

He grabbed his coat, and screamed "FINE!" at me. He went out the door, slamming it so hard that the wall hanging fell to the ground.

We live in the middle of nowhere. He was wearing a pair of sleep pants, no socks or shirt, a pair of crocs and his jacket. I'm not sure where, exactly, he thought he was going to go, but when he went out that door, quite honestly I was happy to see him go, and didn't care (at that point) if he came back in or not.

The A-man, on the other hand, was very concerned about where his brother would go. I knew he wouldn't 'go' anywhere; he would sit outside and wait for me to open the door and tell him to get back in the house. This is a routine that has happened way more times than I care to remember.

I was not going to give in this time. But, after the A-man finished washing the dishes, he went outside to try and get S to come back in. I waited about 10 more minutes until I was in a calmer state, and I opened the door and told them both to get back in the house and finish getting ready for bed. At first S refused, but I think after he took a moment to look at my face and consider the ramifications of his decision, he wisely came inside.

I told him to pick up and rehang the picture from the wall, and to finish getting the garbage ready. At this point I started to receive "the silent treatment." (really upset me, too. yeah, right.)

I'm going to have to have a very serious conversation with this young man very soon. I am beyond tired of this nonsense, and just about at my wit's end. I realize it is nowhere near as bad as it has been in the past, but I cannot keep living in his horrible rotation of his moods.

He is being lazy. Period. It is only when he gets to do what he wants to do, WHEN he wants to do it that he is pleasant to be around. When it is something he is "being forced to do" he gets all rude and surly. It just does not work that way.

I've take taken the day off today, and I am hoping I will be able to have a calm and rational conversation with him this evening. If I can't, I think I will have to get him back in to see a doctor.

I am tired.

This morning

Boy, was S ever in one HECK of a grouchy mood this morning!

When I finally got him up, I reminded him that today was garbage day and that he needed to get both the garbage bag and the green bin out to the curb before he got on the bus. He took great exception to the green bin being his responsibility. I told him that on his recycle week he has to do cat litter, and on garbage week it’s the green bin. He did the little growl-type noise that he does to indicate that he realizes this, but doesn’t like it.

After a little while, I went in to his room to make sure he was almost dressed. I noticed that the uniform pants he was putting on were dirty, so I asked him to please put those in the laundry and I started to reach in to his closet for another pair of navy pants. “Those ones are dirty too,” he said in a very nasty tone. I asked why he would hang up dirty pants, and he told me “Because I always hang up my pants as soon as I get home!” I grabbed the other pair of navy pants and put them in the hamper with the first pair. Next I grabbed his khaki pants, and told him that he would have to wear these ones for today. This is when he informs me that the loop has come unfastened and he can’t do these pants up.

Fine. I tell him that I will sew up the latch and start walking out of his room. “Fine!,” he yells, “I’ll just sit here half naked. Or better yet, I will go to the school just like this!” I stopped, and turned around and tried to explain to him that I was simply going to my sewing basket to grab a needle and thread, and perhaps he could use this time to get his teeth brushed. Of course, by now I am flustered, and had some trouble getting the thread through. (No, it’s not age – I think it was a small-holed needle!)

After a couple of minutes of fighting with the thread, I remembered that he had one clean pair of navy pants downstairs hanging in the laundry and he could use those. I told him this and he growled and went to the laundry room to get them. Of course, once I knew he had a pair of pants, I was able to thread the needle! I quickly repaired the khaki pants and came out of my room to remind him about the green bin.

During all of this, I was also trying to chop, slice and dice the items I needed to put in to the slow cooker for this evening’s dinner. As I got back to the cutting board, and reminded him to take his medication, S says to me, “Do you have my lunch?” Most days he doesn’t even take a lunch, and when he does, he usually asks me to make him something when he first gets up.

I quickly grabbed some cheese and meat from the fridge, opened up the tortilla’s and made him a couple of quick wraps while he was taking things curb-side. He was gathering up his backpacks and clarinet– he wears his laptop on his back and his ‘normal’ backpack on his front - when I came down with his lunch and small green-bag item he had missed.

“I can’t HOLD anything else,” he snarled at me. I calmly opened his front backpack pouch, placed his lunch and book he had in his hand in the front pouch (thereby freeing up his left hand) and handed him the bag without saying a word. I zipped up the pouch and started back up the stairs. I heard another snarl/growl thing, and he went outside, slamming the door as he went.

What a lovely way to start the day.

On the upside, he was able to get everything curb side, he was wearing a clean uniform, had clean teeth, a healthy lunch, and was able to meet the bus on time. (Take the small things when you need to, that's what I say!)

Last night S had a bit of geography homework, which he did tell me about, and was very willing to sit down and get right to work on it after dinner last night. I made sure I stuck around the kitchen while he was getting started, but he didn’t dawdle with it at all – he just got what he needed and got right down to work. I finished tidying up the kitchen and when I saw that he was still plugging away, felt comfortable going in to the living room to work on a few things I wanted to get done. He finished all of the work (at least it looked like he did) and the only thing he didn’t look after doing at the time was making sure he had put everything back in backpack.

Grouch-face… I think I will have to call him that tonight and see what caused this morning ruckus. After he left, I looked at the A-man – who gets up a full half hour before S or I – and asked “What was that all about?” He had no idea.

~~~

On a different subject, it would appear the chicken’s are going into a bit of an egg-producing reduction. Two days ago we got 17 eggs, and yesterday only 15. I guess since we are getting darker earlier, they are being affected by that. Hard to admit, but it would appear slaughter time is soon upon us. I’m hoping the weather warms up a bit so that closing the pool this weekend isn’t too nasty, and then Hubby and I can decide when he is going to start making the chickens freezer-ready. (Again, I will have nothing to do with this process, thank you.)

Why tigers eat their young...

Well I finally heard from another teacher on Friday afternoon.
The A-man’s Religion teacher did call, and she told me that the A-man was doing very well in class. She was aware of his IEP and she didn’t really have any concerns at this time. I provided her with my home email address and let her know that I would really appreciate it if I could be kept informed of how he is progressing.

When I got home on Friday night, I was waiting for the A-man to tell me about his conversation with the Math teacher. He wasn’t forthcoming with any of the information, so after a while I just asked him outright if he’d talked with Mr. M. He says to me, “Yeah, I did. I had to miss the script reading in Drama, so thanks for that, Mom.” Now I’m the bad guy.

Anyway, after talking with the teacher, the A-man indicated that he would like to remain in the mixed class this semester (so that he can learn the fundamentals) and then take the Uni stream next semester. Basically, this means he would have Math for the full year but really only end up with one credit. I’m not so sure I like this idea. I asked when he was next meeting with the guidance teacher, and he told me that it’s on Tuesday. I expressed a desire to attend the meeting and was told, “Oh great – so you just want to come and force yourself in to my life again.”

EXCUSE ME?! I force my opinions on his life?

I explained that I would like to use the meeting time as an opportunity to learn of the various options, not as a way to FORCE my thoughts and opinions on him and his life, but he didn’t seem convinced. When I told Hubby about the A-man idea, he didn’t seem to think it made a whole lot of sense either. Other the weekend I talked to my Mom a wee bit about it, and Hubby and I discussed it a bit more. We still aren’t sure that this is the most advisable step, but I think it will be helpful to have a meeting with the guidance department to confirm what types of courses would be required for the career path the A-man thinks he would like to follow at this time. If the guidance department doesn’t think it’s that big a deal to have him take Math each semester, then I guess that is what he will do, but I also want to know for sure that he is fully aware of the other courses that he could be picking up this semester if he chose to stop taking math right now.

Last night I asked the A-man if he wanted to practice his monologue for his Drama audition. You would have thought I’d asked for the right to name his first born with the way that he carried on. I was “forcing him to do stuff he’d already done” and then I was “invading his privacy” when I looked into his folder…it was crazy! I suggested that perhaps he might want to consider going to bed.

This morning I told him that I did not appreciate the manner he spoke to me, and he seemed surprised that I was upset with him. He said “I didn’t speak with a bad attitude to you, Mom.” I suggested that perhaps he look at the words and the tone that he uses before he denies being rude. I think his hormones must be acting a little crazy right now.

S was moving a wee bit slow this morning. He was just having a piece of fruit when I realized that his bus was at the end of the lane, so he had to rush to get out the door. After he left I realized that he had left his clarinet behind. Fortunately, the A-man was able to take it for him.

S really seems to be enjoying his music class. He has taught himself the “In the Jungle” song on the clarinet just by having someone tell him that the song starts in the Key of G. I am really hoping that he will start to get his fingers limbered up on the keyboard again – he was very good playing the piano, so both Hubby and I are hoping that his love of playing music will continue to grow and begin to encompass other instruments. He really is quite talented when it comes to both reading and playing music.

I’m having a baby shower this coming weekend, so I have a bit to get ready for that. I picked up a cute little photo album and I’m going to get pictures of each guest with the baby and then get Hubby to print the pictures out before everyone leaves so then the Mom will have a nice keepsake at the end of the day. I also want to make a centre-piece ‘cake’ that I had seen at another shower a number of months ago – it is made with diapers rolled up to make it look like a tiered cake. I plan on getting the main supplies tonight so that I can get started on the layout.

Hubby has a bunch of computer jobs scheduled for this week, but I am just planning on doing my workouts and whatever else needs to be done around the house. I’m done with rushing for a while.

Good news/bad news

I was all set to prepare a "Proud Mommy" post, and then I got the phone call from the school.

I don't wanna be me right now. I'm tired of it, and I wanna quit.

But before I start bemoaning the world, I will share my proud mommy moment. Maybe that will ease the ache in my belly right now.

This morning I was a little late getting up, and realized that the A-man wasn't up and ready for school yet. He had about 15 minutes before the bus would be arriving. As he quickly got ready, he asked me if he could please have $5 to pick up lunch at school. I asked him if he could just go over to my parent's for lunch since neither of us would have a chance to get his lunch made.

He explained to me that he couldn't go out of the school today because R&M were away on a field trip today, so he had to help D carry his tray at lunch. I have never heard of this boy before, so I wondered what he was talking about.

Turns out D is a boy in the A-man's grade that uses a walker. The A-man and his cousin and girlfriend always make sure at least one of them are around during lunch to help this boy gather his lunch tray and carry it to the table for him. How sweet is that? He knew that the girls would be away, so he wanted to make sure he would be there to provide assistance to the boy with the walker.

Such a fine young man, I have there. Even had his Math teacher/Rugby coach tell me this on Friday when I was picking him up after his game. The teacher and I had exchanged a few pleasantries while I was waiting for the A-man to come back from the change room. When the A-man came out, the teacher then commented that he hadn't realized I was the A-man's mom. He then proceeded to tell me that he and the other coach were just talking about how the A-man was such a good student, and a delight to have in class. I guess they are both quite pleased with his efforts on the rugby team, too.

I just felt like beaming. When we got in the car, I told the A-man how proud I was of him and that I was so happy he was doing so well in high school.

Fast forward to early this afternoon, and the phone call I received from S's principal.

S got into a disagreement with a fellow student about where to stand. Apparently the other student was in S's "spot" and felt the need to try to forcibly move the other boy. When the boy didn't comply, S bit the boy - through his sweater - and left an impression on his shoulder. He then proceeded to scratch another student - again leaving marks.

This is getting beyond ridiculous. I'm going to have to start S seeing his phyciatrist again, I guess. End result - he will stay in the office today and all day tomorrow, and he is not welcome at the school on Thursday since the principal will be away that day. S will return to school on Friday, I guess.

I questioned about S not having full time EA support - apparently he hasn't had full support all ths year. I asked if he would be able to get 'emergency' support for the remaining 6 weeks; it doesn't seem likely.

I'm going to have to get on a campaign with some of the higher ups, I guess. Great. Just at a time in the office when my 'personal' time is being reviewed and I really can't spare any time away.

Like I said, I wanna quit being me right now.

ARGH!

Last night was reminiscent of days gone by. Days I had hoped to never have to live again.
Yesterday morning around 10.30 I got a phone call from the school. S had an altercation with another student during French and after all was said and done, S tried to bite the student in the hand. BITE! (I still do not understand where that came from!) It was only because the other boy had quickly moved that there wasn’t actual contact. What a can of worms that would have opened had actual contact occurred. (sigh)

I went off to the school to pick S up and take him home for the day. On the way home, I had S record a list of things I needed him to complete while he was at home. He was asked to pick up his room and take all dirty laundry into the laundry room, to wash the dishes from the night before’s supper, he had to finish his mental health project, and he had to check some of the equations on a math sheet he had completed and turned in.

When I got home from work – after picking S up from his weight training course at the Y – I discovered that he had completed only one of the tasks that had been assigned to him. He had taken his laundry downstairs, that was it. (Still, I did pretty good at keeping it together at this point.)

While S and I were driving home from the Y, I explained to him that his punishment for the actions as school would be the loss of television/video game/computer access for the evening. He had told me that he ‘forgot’ to work on his project, so I told him that he would be required to finish that once supper was complete, and the remainder of his evening would involve assisting me with the laundry.

I started getting the laundry sorted and getting the clean things folded and sorted. S was working on his project in the dining room and the A-man was working on the laptop, also in the dining room. The telephone rang, and while I was on the phone, both boys disappeared. I later realized they had gone out to the garage to watch/play with the pheasants.

I directed both boys back to completing their homework. S found a number of opportunities to leave his work station, and after I while I became very upset with him and told him that he needed to buckle down and just finish the work. The assignment wasn’t hard, nor did he need to reinvent the wheel. His project was on ADHD. He had done a speech about the same subject earlier this year. All he really needed to do was take the information from the speech and adjust it to fit within the parameters of the new assignment!

Next thing I know, S is standing outside by the road! He’s pacing the end of the driveway. I still do not know what brought his hasty exit, to tell the truth. I went outside and told him that he wasn’t in trouble, that I wasn’t angry with him, and that he just needed to come in the house and finish his work. He starts going on and on (and ON!) about how it wasn’t fair that he had to work alone on the assignment when everyone else had partners. How the project was boring. How the project was late so what did it matter if he did it anyway… After the tirade went on for a while, I lost my patience.

“You have to do the assignment because it’s part of your school work. If you don’t do your work, you do pass the class. If you don’t pass the class, you aren’t leaving Grade 8. If you don’t pass Grade 8, there is no need for you to attend the Grade 8 end-of-year-trip to Ottawa! So get in there and get the stupid project done! You’ve done the work already! In the time you have wasted moaning and groaning, you could have the thing finished!” He turns heel, and starts to runs back to the end of the driveway.

At this point, I didn’t care anymore. He was being a complete and total ASS, and I didn’t really want to have to deal with him, or talk to him, any longer. I went in to the house and continued what I had been doing. After a few minutes he comes back in to the house. I quietly told him what needed to be finished. He didn’t speak. After a few more minutes, with S still in the foyer, I calmly repeated the request and told him he needed to come upstairs and get finished. Next thing I know, I hear the front door open and close. I knew he didn’t go outside, but I didn’t react at this point. I waited a moment, then started to make my way across the living room to the foyer. At this point, he did actually go outside. By now, I was FURIOUS. He was acting like a complete and total jerk, and I’d had enough!

I went to the foyer and locked the front door. He wanted to be a jerk, he could just cool off outside until Hubby got home from his meeting in about 10 or 15 minutes. I heard S try the front door. Next thing I knew, he was coming in the side door off the patio. I told him to sit down and finish the project. He tells me, “I was going to lay down on the road, you know!”

Okay, so now he’s going to try and play THAT card again!?! Yeah, I didn’t buy it. I was just about lost my mind at this point. I told him that he was acting like a complete idiot and that he could STOP THAT right now. I wasn’t going to hear anymore nonsense like that… etc., etc.
I went down to grab another load of laundry and told him that I would call the school in the morning to request my money back for his trip. I wasn’t going to take the trip with him, and since he wasn’t going to be passing, he wouldn’t be needing to go anyway. I made sure I stayed downstairs at this point because I was so angry with him I was shaking!

A few yells back from S, and a few choice words, I’m sure, I hear him sitting at the table, pounding away on the laptop. After about 15 minutes, he came into the laundry room holding a sheet that simply said “DONE” on it. I guess this was his way of telling me that he wasn’t speaking to me. (I really didn’t care!)

I told him, “Fine. Now go brush your teeth and get into bed.” He seemed somewhat disappointed in the fact that I wasn’t upset about him not speaking. Suddenly his wee face crumples up and he says, “So, can I now go to Ottawa?”

Such hot and cold with that boy! He drives me absolutely inSANE! I love him with my whole heart, and I will fight to the ends of the earth for him, but GAWD! He ticks me off like no tomorrow!! If he actually put in half as much real effort in to completing his work as he does in avoiding it, he'd still be a straight A student!

I've gotta sign off now; I'm getting angry all over again just putting this all in to words again!

Wanting a "Do Over"

Do you remember as a little kid playing a game with a friend? You would make a mistake on your turn, flub it, and your friend would take pity on you and grant you a “Do Over.” Today I wish there was a way to reverse time and have a “Do Over” of my morning.

My alarm went off just before 7am as it always does. At 7, I turned the radio on so that I could hear the news. I guess at this point I drifted back to sleep, because the next thing I remember was the A-man standing outside my bedroom asking if I could please drive him to school this morning. (His school isn’t on my way to work.) I told him that I didn’t really want to do that, and the next thing I know, he’s stomping around the house complaining the he wasn’t going to have time to make the bus. It was 7:30 and his bus gets to our house around 7:45.

For the record, as he was making this request he was finished his breakfast and completely dressed for school. I wasn’t even sure why he was asking. I got up and alerted S that he needed to get up and get ready for school. The A-man continued to stomp around the house while I was feeding the cats and getting my water hot for cup of morning tea. Suddenly the A-man announces that he has an “Away” game today for Rugby. I asked where the game was and what time he would be back from the game. At this query I get my ultimate favourite answer – “I don’t know.”

How on Earth can you have a Rugby game and not be aware of:

• A) WHERE THE GAME IS?
• B) WHEN YOU ARE LEAVING THE SCHOOL TO TRAVEL TO THIS GAME? OR
• C) WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO BE BACK FROM SAID ‘AWAY’ GAME

The other question I had was, “Why, at 5 minutes before the bus is scheduled to arrive, is this the first I’ve heard of this game??” Best response of the day, given in a very nasty tone – “I don’t know.”

By this point, S is sitting at the kitchen table eating his breakfast. I’m standing looking at the A-man asking him more questions about this game, and realize that he’s not had his morning shower. I know for a fact that he did not have a shower over the weekend, which means that he is now working on day 3 without cleansing the stench that is teenage hormones. Add in the fact that I am being spoken to in a very snide, rude way, and yup – I lost my temper.

I told the A-man that I would be taking him to school. There was no way that I was going to let him go to school unclean, and I still needed more details about the game – such as when he would be back and what time I needed to plan to be at the school to pick him up. (We live half an hour from the school, but I work 5 minutes from the school. I’m sure you can see why I was curious about timing issues.) Just after the A-man storms off to have his shower, I realize that S’s van is in the driveway.

I had pretty much finished putting his lunch together and called him to hurry. He comes out of his bedroom wearing a pair of shorts, and a t-shirt with no sleeves. He has been told time and again that sleeveless shirts are not permitted at school. At this point, I can hear the van driver honking the horn, but I know he will be in trouble if he wears that shirt. I told him to go back and put on a different shirt because he knew that shirt wasn’t permitted. Next thing I know, he’s yelling at me telling me that he wants to wear it, he likes that shirt, and why can’t I just let him wear what he likes?!?! He stomped into his room and changed, but he was crying and very upset. He stomped out of his bedroom, muttering about how mean and unfair I was, how I couldn’t just let him do what he wants, etc., etc., etc.

Yeah, I’d been awake less than half an hour at this point.

S gets away and I finally get a cup of tea made. The A-man comes out of the shower and sits down and starts bemoaning how he’s not been sleeping because he is “so stressed about the amount of English homework he has.” Not the best thing to say to me at this point.

Since the beginning of February, the A-man has claimed to have no homework. Since this same time frame, he has had in excess of 13 assignments for English that he has not done, and now I have put my foot down and been riding him to make sure these assignments get done in a timely manner while making sure none of the other current assignments fall behind. It is the start of a new week; he’s just come off a two day weekend, and the only English work he did was minimal. The next thing I knew, I was in a tirade. It was not a good scene.

On the way to school, my tirade continued, and the A-man continued to become more and more belligerent. (Yes, I know I am the adult and I should have distanced myself from this situation and not allowed it to escalate, but it’s very difficult for me to do this at times.) I did calm myself before we began the drive, and I wasn’t heated when the conversation continued, but his answers/responses didn’t do much to allow my calm to continue. Eventually the A-man began to cry tears of frustration – I felt like joining him – and physically turned away from me. I completely stopped talking.

A few minutes away from school, the A-man suddenly ‘remembered’ that he was going to be leaving the school at 2pm for the game and would be returning to the school “sometime between 6 and 7.” I asked him to try and get more details as soon as he could and to send me a text at lunch time. I also informed him of a new rule. The A-man isn’t allowed to use the phrase “I don’t know” anymore. He can tell me that he isn’t sure and will find out, he can tell me that he has to try and remember what he was told, he can even say “I’m not sure so I will find out” but I will no longer allow the use of the “don’t know” phrase.

We arrived at the school a few minutes late, but I dropped him right at his portable and I don’t believe the teacher made him go for a late slip. I picked up a coffee and some breakfast after dropping him off and arrived to work, exhausted and utterly worn out, about 10 minutes late. Not even 9:15 in the morning, and I needed a “Do over.”

Now I understand why tigers eat their young... ;o)

I don’t know what has been going on with the A-man lately. He is just so grouchy all the time, and for the last couple of days, he seems to be set off at the smallest thing. I don’t know how many times I have heard, “I’m so tired” from him, yet when I suggest he goes to bed earlier, he doesn’t go.
This morning he was up early – almost a full hour before his bus was set to arrive – yet, again this morning he was ‘rushed’ at the last minute and wasn’t ready. I reminded about half an hour before the bus was to arrive that he needed to shower. He grunted and went in to his bedroom. 15 minutes later, I open the door to his room to see what he is doing; he’s lying in bed. Now, with only 15 minutes until the bus arrives, I tell him he is going to be pressed to both shower and dress in time, and I get yelled at because he still “needs to go to the washroom!”
He went to the washroom and was back in his room with plenty of time to dress, yet I was calling him to tell him the bus was approaching the house. He did not have his shower. For the second day in a row.

I was just alerted by a text message – it was the A-man asking S to do something that he forgot, I guess. I replied that it was being done, and that I was not very impressed with him this morning. Will be interesting to see if (or how) he responds.

He responded with “I’m sorry Mom. I will do better from now on.”

I don’t want him to feel guilty, but at this point in his life, I want him take a bit more responsibility for his own personal hygiene and self care! Will have to try and explain all of this to him tonight, I guess. Hopefully I catch him in the right frame of mind, and if not, it will have to wait.

I called S’s school yesterday to talk to the principal about my participation in the Grade 8 end of year trip. S has told us the first installment for the trip is due tomorrow, yet I haven’t been told if I (as a chaperone) will receive a discounted rate. S has expressed a few times that he doesn’t want me to go – he thinks it will be embarrassing to be the only student to have his mom there.
I can understand his point, but given his history, I can also see why the school feels that it is important I attend. Anyway, when I was talking to the principal, I told her how nice it has been to not be in constant contact with the school and how S has been having such a great year. (touching wood, now) The Principal then told me that she had been approached by S’s EA and that the EA didn’t think it would right to have me on the trip.
Now, I’m not sure if I should be insulted or not. This is the same women that wouldn’t allow S to go on the bike trip at the end of last school year unless I could attend, and yet she now doesn’t want me to go with them to Ottawa? This is a three day trip, and is more than 5 hours from home!
Hopefully she is requesting this because S has been having such a good year that she doesn’t think its necessary, but still, I don’t think that as his EA that should be her call. The decision must be that of mine and the principal. Period. The Principal and I left it that I would submit payment for S’s portion of the trip, and we would simply address my participation as the time got closer and we would then have a better feeling of S’s state of mind, etc. I would like for him to not have to have me there – it would be great for him – but I am going to have to keep that option open, just in case.

When will I learn?

When, exactly, am I going to learn to keep my trap shut?

I just had to go and jinx things this morning by posting my "good year" post. I didn't even make it to WORK this morning when I got a phone call from the school telling me that S had an incident on the bus, and had taken off from the school property.

Following his safe plan, S is not to be allowed to remain at school when he leaves the school property. Oh, I was so not impressed.

When I got to the school, the teacher in charge wasn't even 100% sure of where S had gone to. I asked if it was possible that he was in the special ed room, as that is where he is supposed to go when aggitated. We headed down that way and found S's EA there. She told us that he had locked himself in the bathroom.
I knocked and asked S to let me in. He refused. I asked a few times, actually. After a while, I finally gave up trying to actually get in to the washroom, and just asked him to tell me - through the door - what had happened to get him so upset. He started to tell me, but after a few minutes, another EA started talking with S's, and I could no longer hear him. I told him I could hear him, and he let me in the washroom.

We talked about the event of the morning, and what he did wrong, and the possible solutions we could come up with to ease things for him for the rest of the school year. (Which is only 4 days.)
After we reached an agreement, I encouraged him to take the 'meeting' outside so that we could fill the EA and the teacher in charge in on what had transpired.

The teacher in charge had gone to get the other child's story while I was trying to coax S out of the washroom. By the time she had returned, the majority of the story had been shared with the EA, and the EA had a chance to voice her concerns about S's behaviour of late, and the upcoming field trip. I think he understands the severity of her (and mine) concern. I'm hoping so, anyway.

When the teacher in charge heard S's version of what happened, she did indicate to S that she had obviously not heard the whole story - except for the parts where S had done some incorrect things (such as taking off his seat belt to move locations on the moving van.)

Anyway, by 9:35, I was leaving the school with S in tow. I took him to work with me, and had him work on his worksheets. He was very good to sit and do all of the homework that he had, and didn't start to run out of things to do until close to lunch time. I made him a quick sandwich in the kitchen, then finished up a few more things on my desk and then left for the day.
We picked up the A-man at my parents house, as he had called around 11:30 to let me know he was done his exam.
I am doing the last of the laundry, and I think we will be all packed and ready to go to the cottage by the time Hubby arrives home from work. I think he and I are going to have some serious conversation about the rest of the week, and S's attendance.

What a flipping day.

Another outburst

At work yesterday afternoon, I’m in a meeting and I hear my cell phone ringing in my purse. Normally I turn the phone off when I get to work because a) I don’t get good reception in the office and b) People that would phone me know my work hours and would call me at the office.

Well, it was a good thing I had forgot to turn my phone off when I came back from my lunch meeting. When I listened to the message, it was the school’s Principal, calling to tell me that S was having some troubles and was refusing to get out of the school vehicle. The message went on to tell me that if I didn’t get back to him quickly, he was going to have no other option than to contact the police to get assistance through that route.

I quickly called the school back, and got the answering machine. I waited about 10 seconds, and then called back again. This time I was able to get through. The Principal came on the phone and started to tell me what was going on. He wasn’t fully aware of the situation, but the biggest problem was that it was obvious S was agitated, and neither the Principal nor the EA felt it wise to allow him to take the Van home in such a mood. (Given that this is a special ed van for behavioural-isssue children, I could sort of understand that.)

I asked if the Principal had a cordless phone that he could take out to S in the van so that I could talk to him and try and coax him out of the van. He said they would call back with a cordless. A few minutes later, the phone rings in my office, and it’s the Principal handing the phone over to S. S sounds like a storm cloud. I try to reason with him, and encourage him to just get out of the van so that the driver and the other child could leave. I explained that he wasn’t in trouble, and that I would be there very soon to pick him up, but he continued to refuse to get out.
After a few minutes, I told S that if he just got out of the van “right now, without arguing” he wouldn’t have to go to school for the rest of the school year. He hopped out without and further words needed.

In my head, I was wondering if that was the best promise to make to him, but with being more than 15 minutes away from the school, I just didn’t know what else to suggest. I also didn’t really know what had lead up to the explosion, so part of me was thinking “He may be getting suspended anyway…so who cares?” They only have another 5 days of school, and I know there won’t be much covered in the Grade 7 class in these days considering the Grade 8’s are away for the rest of this week, and then graduation is next week. This wouldn’t be a hard promise to keep.

I got to the school, and was actually quite surprised to see that the EA was still there. (I figured she would head for the hills as soon as S was off the bus.) We had a sit down with S to discuss the events of the afternoon. Turns out he was agitated about 20 minutes before school ended from a couple of boys in the class. The EA had kept him in a secluded area to try and calm down, and when the bell rang, S just took off and got in the van. EA didn’t feel it was safe to allow S to take the school vehicle home when he was still quite visibly distressed. Again, I can understand that.
I also told them that I felt 95% confident that S’s dark mood would have lifted the moment the van left the school property. However, the other child that takes the van has a way of annoying S with a simple word or look, and it wouldn’t have taken much to set S off again.

I totally understand the school’s position on this entire event. I was greatly annoyed that I had to leave the office early, and abruptly, but I was very glad that there didn’t have to be any police involvement. Apparently the Principal was on the phone with the police when I was finally able to get through.
I asked why he called my cell phone, not my work number, and he informed me that was the only number the secretary provided him with. I suggested he needed to take that particular issue up with the secretary – I could tell he wasn’t pleased to discover I have about 5 telephone numbers listed for emergencies and he had only been given one.

After S left the room, I made sure that both the principal and the EA were aware that with Aspergers S isn’t able to self-regulate the way they were telling him he needed to. (Just needed to make sure they really ‘got’ it.) They both did, but also told me that by repeating the same information over again, they hope to make it more rote in meaning for S, which will then become something he might start to do. Long process, this.

I told them that just on the weekend Hubby had commented that a big blow up at school would probably be happening soon, and the EA told me that they have been waiting for it for the past two weeks. Gee – do we all know this child?
This morning S informed me that he was not going to go to school. I told him that was fine, but he would have a few chores to complete throughout the course of the day. He decided to go to school. :o)

Our weekend

We spent the past weekend at the cottage, and for the most part it was great. The weather forecast wasn't promising a very nice weekend, but it was wrong. Thankfully.

Friday night was just my mom and I - with the boys, of course. We sat outside for most of the night, but sometime around 10:30 it started to rain, so we headed inside. She and I just talked and talked all night. It was really fun to have just the two of us together.
Saturday was sunny and beautiful, and we puttered in the gardens, and around the yard. My Dad arrived in the middle of the afternoon and Hubby closed to dinner.
The adults went to a "Buck n Doe" for a couple we know that are getting married in September. It was really nice to go and get to see a number of friends we haven't seen in quite a while. Cuz was there, and if you are a regular reader, you know how happy I would have been to see her. Of course, I didn't get to spend any real quality time with her, but it was nice to see her anyway.

When we left the cottage to head to the dance, the A-man had pulled out the laptop and was working on an English essay about To Kill a Mockingbird. He told me that he really didn't care for the book all that much, but he did finish it, and he actually retained a lot of detail about a book he 'didn't like.' (I don't think it was so much that he didn't like it as it isn't the type of book he normally would pick for himself.)
When we got home, he had done all of the supper dishes, and straightened up the whole kitchen and dining room area. I was really pleased to see that he did that.

Sunday dawned hot and beautiful, again. I spent most of my day moving between the shade on the dock to the sun on the yard. I thanked the A-man earlier in the day for doing the dishes, and gave him some "mom bucks" for it. S thought he should get some to go to the store, also, but I told him, "If you do the work, you get paid. No work, no pay." He sat and pouted while the A-man and Presley - the little boy that was over watching TV and had helped with the dishes - went to the store to buy their rewards for doing the work. I think S learned that lesson - neither of the boys shared their goodies with him - and I am hoping he remembers that when a similar situation arises.

Somewhere around 2pm, the A-man and S and Presley were all swimming in the lake, and for whatever reason, the A-man got extremely agitated at his brother. He was yelling and screaming at him. I went down to the dock and explained that he needed to stop yelling - it was going to disturb the other cottages, and it was also not quite so necessary. He continued and continued. My mother talked with him. Hubby talked to him about the continuing on. After another bout of it, I had enough.
I told him to get out of the water, get dressed, and get packed. He and I were going home. (This was one advantage to both Hubby and I having our own vehicles there, I suppose...) Within 15 minutes, we were in the car and heading home. I was furious with him.

It probably took about half an hour of driving before I was actually calm enough to completely explain why I was so upset with him - and why we left. He had apologized to me about 10 minutes away from the cottage, but I wasn't really ready to hear it at that point. Once I knew I wouldn't lecture, but would actually be able to have a "give and take" conversation, I started to explain what caused me to become upset with him. We actually had a very good conversation. I think part of it was caused by a late night followed by an early morning, but he is also old enough now to realize that having a temper tantrum isn't going to solve anything. In fact, it usually results in all of the fun coming to an end. Which it did when we got in the car to come home.

The A-man finished his essay in the car on the way home. We stopped and got groceries, then he and I had a nice dinner (shrimp and asparagus salad) and watched a movie together. He did his final revisions, printed it off, and went to bed. It was like the whole episode at the cottage had never happened. (This is very typical of R.A.G.E, and that is why as a parent it is so frustrating!!)

Bad, Bad evening

NOT a good night last night. S was in a mood, and the entire house was shaken pretty much to the rafters because of it.

I really dislike him when he gets irrational and ridiculous. Part of me realizes that he isn’t able to regulate his impulses the way a ‘normal’ person does, but the other part of me is just feeling “This has gotten really old, really fast.”

It all started when Hubby asked S to come up and set the table for dinner. The A-man had been MIA since I got home from work, so I couldn’t ask him to give me a hand. Neither of them had emptied the dishwasher before I got home from work, but I didn’t say anything – I figured I would address it during dinner.
Anyway, when S was asked to come up and set the table, his reply to Hubby was, “When this show is done.” (Not the best answer to provide to Hubby when he is on a time line, and knows that dinner is ready to be on the table.)
Hubby came up and told me that he and I would be eating, but since both boys were otherwise occupied, they would not be joining us. He then put out two plates on the table.
A few minutes later, S comes up and asks why there are only two plates. Hubby explained that since he and his brother were too busy to help out around the house, they were obviously too busy to join their parents for dinner.

KABOOM!

I am not going to go into how the next hour of my life went, but suffice it to say, it is not one I want to repeat any time soon. Towards the end of it all, I had lost my patience, I will admit. I didn’t scream and yell like I would have five years ago, but I was not the calming influence I am sure S needed. I am glad that these happen less frequently than they used to, but I will admit I am not used to the feelings I experience when he is having an explosion.

As it turns out, I was to blame for the entire event apparently. See, I had woken him up in the morning, and the entire day was the “worst day of (his) entire life.” Yeah, I didn’t buy that either. (The little devil on my shoulder wanted me to say to him, “The worst day of your life SO FAR…” but I resisted that unnecessary comment.)

So no, I didn’t buy that I was to blame; just like I didn’t buy that he had ‘accidentally’ taken the laser pointer to school – and got in trouble by his teacher - nor that he had ‘accidentally’ threw a ball on the roof of the school – and got his friends upset with him.

I think further discussions will happen tonight – once he is no longer in the heat of the moment, we are often able to discuss things much more rationally than when he is. This morning was a much better morning for us than yesterday was, too, so that bodes well for a better day.
Here’s hoping.

Weekend update

Just when I think things are showing signs of improvement, one little event comes along to just give me a tap on the head and provide me with reminders.

On Saturday, we went to my parent’s cottage for the weekend. This is a great place – the whole family has a great time there, and have ever since my parents bought it 5 years ago. We have been going there for 5 seasons with no major concerns.

S and the A-man have made friends with some of the local kids, and they are often gone for most of the weekend – or they have friends over to either go swimming or fishing, or during rainy days, or chilly days, to watch movies. This has been the norm.

On Saturday, after dinner, one little girl – my parent’s neighbour – came in and was trying to get the A-man to come with her. S was out, over at his friend’s house, and we all just assumed that she wanted the A-man to come and play too. (He’d had enough of the ‘little kids’ for a while, and was content to sit and read his book.) She was very insistent that the A-man comes with her – which is not like this girl.
I asked her what was going on – why did she need the A-man to come with her. Then she told me that S was in a fight down by the corner store, and she wanted the A-man to come and help his brother.
Well, the mamma lion didn’t need a second word to come out. I had my shoes on, and was heading out the door as I told her that I would be going to help S.

When I got to the area, S and two friends were surrounded by a number of boys that I have never met before. The little neighbour girl filled me in on what had transpired prior to the ‘fight’ and it appeared to me that the other boys instigated the turn of events, but knowing S as I do, I also knew he would (or rather COULD) make things far worse than should be.
When I arrived, there were a number of conflicting stories about what had transpired. I could tell S was still quite heated and agitated, so after a few minutes, I suggested that he just head back to the cottage, and I leave me to talk with the others.
I don’t know if the conversation we had did any good, but my hope is that these boys don’t start anything with him again. The cottage is the one place that S has always felt ‘normal’ and like he belonged.
He’s never had to deal with bully issues, he has always had friends, and he has always enjoyed the freedom of being able to come and go and just hang out with friends. The one boy actually turned out to be one of the friends S had made during a weekend camp last year. I asked him why he had started to pick on S, and he said that he didn’t, but S just over-reacted to something. I hope that is the case, and we don’t see a repeat of this event again.
As I was walking back to the cottage, S’s friends told me that the other boys had started it, and they are known to be ‘jerks’ at the local school. I had a nice long conversation with S, about what happened, how he could have done things differently, that sort of thing. (How much of it will actually sink in and remain is a whole other story, so we shall see.)

Kids… gotta love’em.

Mother’s Day was nice – I got a card from the boys, and S went out and picked me a lovely bouquet of ‘wildflowers’ – aka dandelions. My mom and I worked on cleaning out a scrubby area in the back edge of the property, and we just generally had a very productive day. When I arrived back home last night, I was beat.
And, onward to another week…

Good night last night

Last night, I felt like I got a lot accomplished. When I went to bed, I was tired, but I was also pleased with how my evening had gone.

I actually got home about an hour later than usual. The R-man was back, and in the kitchen making himself a sandwich for dinner. I prepared dinner for myself and the boys. Clean up was fast, and smooth, and done before I knew it.
Taxes - all done and all filed!
Laundry - all caught up again. I am still totally in love with my new front loader. I can not believe how much MORE that machine gets in to it! It cuts the number of loads by half, at least. So, I'm not using as much water for each load, nor am I draining the well as often as before! Loving it...

Neither of the boys had homework last night, so they did their best to just stay quiet. See, if they start fighting, I 'remember' them, and then put them to work. If they are not making any noise, I go about my evening and forget they are there. (teenage logic...)

I am going to have coffee with a friend tonight, but I am also hoping to get some things done for an event I am organizing for the ADHD group. It's hard, sometimes, to get all of the things required in one day, and still take the time for yourself.
Going to my friends for coffee isn't something that I have to do - I often feel guilty when I do that - but it is quality time, with a very dear friend, and I need to do that (for myself) too. I will get over the guilt.

Hopefully the homework expectations are light again this evening...

Amazed

There are some days that I am absolutely amazed that I have made it through the past 10 plus years. Days that I think back to my ‘days of hell’ and think, “Were they really that bad?”

You know what? They really were.

I remember taking the A-man to see a doctor when he was in Grade 1. “His teacher thinks he has ADHD,” I said. The doctor smiled, and said, “He’s a bit of a handful, is he?”
We went through all of the questions relating to ADHD, and for most of the questions I answered, “No, but that sure does describe his brother!” Yet, STILL, I did not pursue that further with S. (Not sure, now, why I didn’t request further testing at that point…probably because S was only 4 at the time - too young for an ADHD dx.)

I used to joke with the school principal that she had me on speed dial in her office, because if she wasn’t phoning me about one of the boys, she was calling about the other! My personal favourite was when she was calling about them both – because they had been fighting (with each other) either on the bus or in the schoolyard.
Suspensions from the bus were not uncommon, but I do still feel that the bus driver held some pent-up resentment for both of my children.

From the time the A-man was in JK at age 4, until his Tourette and ADHD dx at the end of Grade 7, phone calls home were the norm. Teachers, I’m sure, felt they needed ‘battle pay’ after a year with him as a student.

S wasn’t as problematic at the beginning of his school life. The real problems began when the bully issues began. What a flipping nightmare those years were. Those are years that I never want to relive, and I am so sad that he had to go through them at all. But, at least we have FINALLY had a positive year for him. Amazing how all things get better when the bully is dealt with, and the necessary support systems are put in place to address his various learning disabilities.

Hubby used to have to take my calls at work. “Honey, they are driving me crazy,” I would sob in to the phone. Some days I put on my Walkman and just sat in my room with the door closed so that I could distance myself.
There were days that I was SO angry with them. I truly did not like them some nights. I always LOVED them, and told them so every single night, but I did not like how they were behaving, and couldn’t be with them for any length of time.

Now… I love spending time with my sons. They both have an incredible sense of humour, and I really enjoying seeing how their various thoughts have developed and grown. I can have serious conversations with the A-man – about many subjects! And I’m not really to commit myself at the end of the conversation!

It was hard – no doubt about it – but I think that just makes the peace of now that much sweeter.

A very interesting evening...

On my drive home from work yesterday, I encountered a bit of flooding on the road. I have never seen flooding on this road in any of the years I can remember. There was one spot where the ditches were actually flowing OVER the ends of driveways rather than under.
I ended up being re-routed a couple of times.

I was about half way home when I realized my cell phone wasn't on. When I turned it on, I had two messages - one left at 5:15, and one at 5:21 - one from S's EA, and one from the secretary. Turned out the two streets that are routes to the school were flooded, and S was stranded at the school because his van couldn't get through! The water was flowing so deeply, and so swiftly, that cars were not able to pass. The fire department let the busses go through around 5pm, but 'regular' vehicles could not pass through the flow of water.

Around 7pm I was called and advised that vehicles were being permitted through, but it was slow going and I would need to be careful. I borrowed the R-man's vehicle because it is much bigger than mine. When I got to the area, it was a very organized chaos. An officer was stopping each vehicle as it arrived, and depending on where they were going, either cautioned on how to go through the flooded area, or advised to turn around. When it was mine turn, I was told that both sides of the street were washed away, so to be sure to drive down the centre.

I am SO glad I had the trail blazer! There is no way my wee little Civic would have made it through that water - twice. I could actually feel the current pushing against the vehicle, and the water was up to the fire fighter's knees! I was quite frightened, I will admit. There is no way I would have attempted it if there hadn't been so many around to help, if needed. While I was waiting to come back home, 4 fire fighters actually had to push a car (like mine) through the water. Unbelievable!

Anyway, we got back home safe and sound, and all was right with the world. Until the A-man decided he had the right to use brute force on his brother. My personal favourite line was, "He MADE me hit him by just being so annoying!"
The temper on that boy is starting to come back out. After I soothed S, and got him calmed down, I had quite the talking-too to the A-man. He stormed around, all indignent, but I am pretty sure he realized the errors of his way. About a half an hour after saying good night to both, I heard him sneak in to his brother's room and apologize.

I often wonder - ADHD impulsive, or tourette RAGE? How can one tell for sure, and does it really matter? I don't think the what is as important as the how in dealing with these types of things. It's been a long uphill battle - obviously a hill that I have reached the top yet.

I must explain yesterday's blog - I was not having the best of days at work.
I just don't understand how someone can be SO obtuse about so many subjects, and just not get it. Then, when you explain in further detail, said person then acts like you are the idiot - almost like he was testing to see if you knew what you were talking about. It's not been much better this morning, I'm afraid. For now that is all I am going to say.

I left work at 3 yesterday. The A-man had a final check at the orthodontist, and the braces come off next week. He is very happy about that, I will admit. After the appointment, the boys and I went on a 'date.' We went and picked up some fun "St. Patrick's Day" stuff - me for the weekend in Montreal, them for Monday at school. The luck of the Irish will be surrounding us.

After our shopping trip, we did a few more errands, then we went to a movie - we saw "The Jumper." Not a bad movie - more of a prequel for the next one, if you know what I mean. The computer graphics and special effects were incredible, but when it was finished, you just knew that another one was going to be coming out.

When the movie was finished, we had just enough time for me to head over for my 'website training' for the ADHD board. The boys came with me - obviously - and they were happy to see the gaming systems at the house we were having the meeting at. They played like "RockStars" and watched a movie. The snow was falling as we left, but closer to home there was nothing, thank heavens.

When we got home, all hell broke loose. The A-man had purchased a new video game for his Wii while we were doing our errands. He got frustrated when he was trying to load up the game, and then S and I were the targets for his RAGE episode. I did not manage things as well as I could have, I suppose, but this does happen when trying to do too many things at once. Lesson learned for Mom.

Over the past few days, I have noticed that the A-man does not cope well with unstructured time. He was commenting Saturday that he was 'bored.' This does not bode well when just starting a week's break...
He acted a total goon on Monday, to the point that my mom even commented on it when we went for a visit. He was much better yesterday, but last night, not so much.
After quite a bit of down time in his room, he was able to think more rationally. I could tell he was very remorseful over his earlier actions, which then lead me to (again) trying to explain to him that he needs to take time away from the frustrations rather than trying to 'improve' things - which then ALWAYS makes it worse.
I don't know if he will ever fully understand that things can never be 'better' while in the heat of the moment, but my hope is that if I continue to explain this, maybe - eventually - it will sink in. The A-man has grown and matured so much - he just needs to realize that he isn't quite there just yet. (Being 6 feet tall does not make you 'fully grown' in that sense.)

Poor S was just trying to stay out of the A-man's way while this episode was going on, but no matter what he did, he just seemed to be a target. Pet the cat, the A-man screams at him...try to make a joke, get yelled at. Yeah, it just was not a very good end to an otherwise fun afternoon.
Poor R-man was in his room, with the door closed, I'm sure wondering what was happening, and why. This is when I become so embarrased about the rage episodes. In my head I know that *I* have nothing to be embarrased about, but I still suffer from that - and guilt. The A-man is totally irrational during the event, then SO upset after he has calmed. 98% of the time he is a delight - the other 2%... not so much.

I am sad today. Just.... sad.