"Life" - according to the A-man

My big guy continues to find new ways to bring laughter and amusement to my life.  When he isn't trying, he is actually quite a funny guy.

His drama class did the choreography for the stampeed scene in the play today.  He was telling me all about it when I picked him up and he seemed really pumped up about it.  "It totally rocks," were his exact words, I believe.  (Or something similar to this well-spoken/thought out phrase.)
Part of the choreography was where the "black people" (that's the people that aren't actually in the play therefore are all in black) have to catch him as he falls from the cliff.  Apparently he squished 5 of the 12 today during the first practise, and he said in the other two takes he heard a number of moans and groans.  I'm thinking most of these students are not used to a 6'2" person that tips the scales at 200 pounds falling on them from a height of about 7 or 8 feet.

Either way, it was quite amusing to hear his take on the entire scenerio.  I would really like to hear the comments of the 'catchers' though...

The next time he made me really laugh during the drive was when he was talking about how he will look after me when I am 90.  I asked him if he was going to change my diapers if he needed to, and then he went in to this long explaination about the names of these types of products.  (Apparently he has put a lot of thought in to this observation...)

"For babies," he says, "they are called sweet lovable names like Huggies and Luvs.  This implies that the parents will change the diapers and still want to cuddle and love the babies.  Yet, for the adult diapers, they don't still have this same implications.
You ask if I will change your diaper when you are 90.... hmmm... that makes me ask - am I in the will?  'Depends'!"

Perhaps the written word doesn't do the entire statement justice, but I found this whole monologue to be quite funny when he got to the punch line...

A few minutes later, the A-man shared a conversation that occured over the weekend.  Hubby's aunt and uncle had come for a visit to my in-laws, so Hubby and the A-man went over.  (S wasn't feeling well so he stayed home.)
Apparently the Aunt had commented that she didn't find it very different raising a son verses a daughter, however the A-man disagreed. 
"With a daughter," he wisely explained, "you have to worry about feelings and the right shoes and things."  (He did a sidebar comment to me here that said the shoes comment was for my benefit)
"But a son, a son is much easier to raise; you just have to make sure you leave out a plate of food and crack open the window a bit."

I have to admit, I am quite looking forward to seeing how this wise and well-thought out information actually converts to 'real life' in the years to come.

Been sick

Sunday was a busy day of laundry, housework, grocery shopping - that sort of thing.
That afternoon, as I was colouring the grey, and whitening my teeth, and waxing my eyebrows, I had a realization - I am a total fraud! Fake nails, hair colour - now cosmetically enhanced white teeth and altered eyebrows! Is there anything as a natural beauty anymore? Well, when you are a few months off of your 40th birthday, I guess a little help is allowed. And needed.

Sunday night we had barbequed steak and baked potatoes. I was in the mood for that, and it was SO good. The R-man allowed me to twist his arm in to joining us for dinner. He said it was rough, but he would manage.

That night, around 3 in the morning, I guess, I woke up feeling terrible. I guess I developed a bit of a stomach bug. I didn't get back out of bed again until Tuesday morning. Well, I got out of bed, but only for short trips...

The R-man was kind enough to make dinner for the boys, and the boys came in and checked on me periodically. They would bring me tea, and S even made me a tea and toast tray - I could only eat two bites.

Boss was not happy that I was unable to come in to the office on Monday, but I think he knows my work ethic enough by now to realize that I must have felt like I was on death's door to not come in on the Monday before a show. I went to work yesterday feeling a bit shaky, but I can honestly say I am back to normal today. Still a bit hesitant to eat much solid food, but I can manage with the body reserves, I'm sure!

S was angry with me this morning because he forgot to study for his Science test today. And he didn't do his math or geography homework. Somehow that was my fault. I'm still not sure how that is my fault, but I told him that he needs to start taking more responsiblity for ensuring he gets things done. He just snarled at me - I ignored that.

I think the three of us are going to have to have a condensed family meeting tonight - both of them have gotten very lax in doing their daily chores, etc., and that just will not do. I leave tomorrow afternoon for London. I will be gone until Monday afternoon, and if they are going to sit around and just play games and watch TV, the house will be a wreck by the time I return.

Tonight, before I pack for my trip - we will make a plan. They will have a couple of days reprive since they will both be staying at Grandparents', but I will chart it, and then Hubby can make sure it gets done over the weekend.

Off to work - should be another fun-filled crazy day!

Job Description - PARENT

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, Often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
And don't forget the free admission to the retirement home of their choice!!