Out of the oven... in to the fire...

Well, the silent treatment has ended, and I have become S’s confidant once again.

When we got home last night, S was sitting in the living room waiting for the A-man and I. He was very quick to tell me about the homework that he had, and even pulled out the information he needed right away to finish it as quickly as he could.

After finding the information he needed in the flyers (it was a math-type assignment where they had to use 'real prices') I was amazed to see him start to straighten up the newspaper as soon as I reminded him. I told S that he didn't have to do it right away, but to make sure that he did it before too long.
"Oh no, that's okay. I like to do things right away when I'm upset," he explained to me. When I asked him what he was upset about, S pulled two notes from his pocket.

The first was a note from Lil'A explaining that she "didn't want him to love her anymore because she had found someone else to love." It went on further to tell him that she knew of a girl that liked S and she thought maybe he should consider loving her. The second note was from a friend of Lil'A's saying that it really upset her to see S watching Lil'A all "lovey dovey" and maybe he should find someone else.

Oh - to be so young and naive as a 14 year old girl. (See, apparently feeling can be turned on and off at whim...)

S was more than chatty about this turn of events. He even told me that he knew this was coming - he has apparently known for a couple of days. Hmm... wasn't it a couple of days ago that he was all grouchy and snarly at home? He said that wasn't why he'd been so rude the other day, but it all makes sense now.

S was more than happy to help me get supper prepared, and he chatted with me for the entire time. At one point I had to ask the A-man to leave the kitchen because he came in, asked what we were talking about, and then interjected with a comment he thought he had heard S say. It was not in any way similar to the discussion S and I were having, so I suggested that perhaps the A-man allow S and I a little bit of privacy. I think he was just grateful to not have to help with supper, to be honest.

The boys and I had a lovely dinner. We all chatted about our days, about what had been happening here, there and everywhere, and after supper, both boys were very quick to get started on their after dinner chores. I had a telephone conference at 7.30, and they were both quiet while I was on that call.

After I got off the phone, I thanked S for all of his help and asked to review his completed homework. After I gave it the once over, I told him that he could watch one television show since he had been so helpful. I told him that he was not getting out of the 'grounding' but that I would dole out time limits as I felt was appropriate. He was very thankful for the chance to watch TV, and I even got a bit of a shoulder squeeze/hug on his way past me.

ARGH!! Teenagers! One minute you are the WORST person ever, and the next, they totally love you. I know I was a moody teen, but holy!
~~~
On a different front, my dear friend ‘Nee’ has been going through some major issues with her youngest son. J is 13, and although she has always had some concerns about him – many reasons for these – a lot of these concerns have come to a head back at the end of October.

J has started cutting. She discovered a number of cuts along his upper arm, all in various stages on healing. When she asked him about it, I guess he felt it was time to come clean with a number of things. Nee and her ex have shared custody of their two sons – they live two weeks with Nee and two weeks with Hubs. Apparently during the two weeks with Hubs, J has taken to smoking cigarettes, drinking, and using pot.

It’s a very long story – and not my story to tell – but she has been in touch with me off and on over the past few weeks because she was very much aware of the mental health issues we lived through with S, and she knew that I would be a source of both support and knowledge about how she should proceed.

I had lunch with Nee today and found out the latest with J. He was actually admitted to the hospital last weekend. Her eldest son phoned her with a concern that he thought J had cut a pentagram into his thigh. (It was their time at their Dad’s) Nee went to Hubs house and asked J to take down his pants so that she could confirm if this was true.

It was true, but he had actually used something to burn the pentagram into his thigh. At this point she informed both J and Hubs that she was taking him to the hospital because she knew something needed to be done. She had been in touch with their doctor regarding the cutting and the substance use, etc., so this was something she had been advised to watch for, etc.

The hospital admitted J and kept him for observation for two days. He is now taking some medication to help with the obvious depression, and due to the hospital stay, he has been short-listed for many services that would normally take the better part of a year to receive.

My heart is breaking for both my friend and her son.

Mental health issues have been in Hubs family for many years, but until days after his son was admitted to the hospital, he was not willing to acknowledge any problems or concerns with J. It would appear that he is starting to come around and actually DO something other than blame Nee for everything that has happened ‘wrong’ in their marriage. I am hoping he will also use this time to perhaps examine the reasons for her leaving him in the first place.

So, yet again, children’s mental health issues have reared its ugly head in my world. It is so sad to think that it often needs to go to major extremes before these kids can get the help and support they need.

Nee has taken a leave of absence from her job, and will be providing constant supervision to J, and it would appear that (finally) Hubs will be doing the same during his time with the boys, and he has acknowledged that sometimes she may be the better person to be with the kids, even if it’s “his week.”

I gave her a huge hug, and told her that I am here for her, whenever she needs me. She was there for me when I needed her, and I will be more than happy to provide that same necessary ear. I told her that I won’t offer advice – I will just be a sounding board.
She is going to need it for a while. I’m just so grateful that she became aware of this situation before it became really bad, and that she has been successful in getting the supports in place very quickly.