Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Warning - it's a long one today...

Oh my, my, my…


Last night I called the school to make arrangements to meet with S’s Geography/Music teacher. I know he is doing well in music, but I had been advised by the SERT that he hadn’t been doing as well in Geography. I was of the feeling that it would be good to be able to put a face to a name, and to get a feel for the teacher’s approach on things.
Sometimes you just need to meet a person to be able to get that ‘vibe.’

I set up a meeting for first thing this morning.

After I spoke with S’s teacher, I decided I would try and kill two birds with one stone and see if I could get a meeting with the A-man’s English teacher. The A-man told me that she still had not gone over the reader response from his first novel, and I was starting to feel that it would probably be time for another assignment to be due because they had just finished reading Canterbury Tales and had moved on to Shakespeare.

It turned out that the English teacher didn’t have her prep time at the same time as my first meeting, so we opted to have a telephone conversation. Apparently the A-man had been assigned the Canterbury Tales reading response assignment a little while ago – and he didn’t turn it in.

I asked her about the follow up she had told me she was going to do on October 8 with the first assignment. She seemed to have completely forgotten about that. I told her that the A-man hadn’t even received the work back so he didn’t even know if he was working better toward achieving the goals she had laid out.

She seemed surprised that he didn’t have the assignment back because she had a mark of 61% recorded in her book. I asked her if she had taken the time to review the work with the A-man and she admitted that she “didn’t think so.” She also admitted that she wasn’t even sure where the assignment was. (HUH?)

I told her that I thought the A-man was still at school working on the set for the play, so she told me she was going to get him to come to see her and they would review the work right then. I sent the A-man a text to confirm that he was at school, and it turned out he wasn’t – teacher was away so they weren’t able to work on the set.

I texted the A-man that he was going to have to do his reader response that night and he answered that he would “see if he had time because (his) drama ISU was due.” I told him that he would find the time.

(To the teacher’s credit, when I got home from work there was a message on my machine indicating that she had called the A-man to the office, but since he didn’t come she assumed he wasn’t still at the school. So she did follow up on that at least.)

Fast forward to my getting home from work: the A-man was sitting at the computer working on his Drama ISU, and S was downstairs. I brought in the groceries, and while putting them away I started to ask the A-man about his English. He told me point blank, “I decided not to do that assignment.”

EXCUSE ME?!? Not a happy Mommy when I heard that answer.

The A-man went on to further explain that the regular teacher wasn’t there when the assignment was given out – and that the substitute gave it to them one day and expected the work to be turned in the next day. Apparently the entire classroom made a “pact” that no one was going to turn in the work. They were staging a protest.
Again, not flying with this mother.

I called Jazzy’s house and asked to speak to her brother. He is in the A-man’s class, and I knew I would get a little more reliable information from him. Apparently the one-night thing was true, and apparently the class did all voice their unhappiness with the time-frame given, but when asked, Jazzy’s brother did admit to completing the assignment and handing it in, as required.

He also had the assignment rubric and I requested a copy be emailed to me. Armed with this information, I explained to the A-man that although ‘everyone’ said they weren’t going to do the assignment, obviously Jazzy’s brother did and I was willing to bet that others did as well. I also told him that a “protest” was not going to make his English mark any better and since this is the grade that is looked at for University, I suggest he get something done to review with the teacher when he arrived at the class today.

After dinner, I sat down at the laptop while the A-man finished plugging away on the Drama homework. I pulled up a website that offered both a synopsis of the Canterbury Tales, and also some teaching notes about the poem. (I have saved it because once I started going through it with the A-man, I think it may be some classic literature that I might actually enjoy. But I digress…)

After the A-man declared his Drama ISU ‘done,’ I suggested that he take the time to read both the summary and the section of the book that the assignment was on while I reviewed his Drama. There were a few parts where he didn’t quite answer what was required, so I made some notations in red to suggest he consider adding/revising these sections.

After he did this, I helped him pull the various parts together to form one complete package. As we were doing this cut-and-paste mindless work, we talked about the angle he was going to take with respect to The Canterbury Tales.

He decided to focus on the “social commentary” aspect of the Tale. He felt that the selection of the travelers were in fact a good “mix” of what you would find in either a classroom or even in the world. Once we got talking more and more, he seemed to warm up to the subject a bit more. Suddenly his little hunt and peck fingers were flying on the computer as he was selecting which characters he wanted to focus on and which quotes he was interested in citing. (He was also very happy that the lines were numbered for citation purposes…)

Anyway – I had him prepare a very rough draft of the concept of his ideas to present to the teacher today. I am hoping that she will be able to read what he had prepared and at least give him a little bit of guidance so that he can finish it up complete tonight and submit it tomorrow. I am also hoping that she will accept the assignment given that she did not follow through on the follow up she had promised three weeks ago.

The best part of the evening was when the A-man was going to bed.  He came over to me and gave me a big hug and said, "Thank you, Mom, for all of your help with this.  I really mean that."  He's never thanked me for being so tough on him.  Could he be starting to see that I am only 'mean' because I care?
I went to the school this morning and met with S’s teacher. Apparently S has 85% in Music class, so there isn’t any cause for concern in that classroom. Geography, on the other hand is a bit of a different story. Apparently one of S’s hand written assignments wasn’t “very neat” so he didn’t receive high marks on it. I reiterated that writing isn’t a strong suit for S. The next thing that he said, however, it was really stuck in to my head.
“I do put notes on the board, so he will just have to get used to taking notes. He is preparing for college after all.”

I asked about having the notes in advance for scanning, but apparently he doesn’t “do” that. Here is a teacher that doesn’t really understand the benefits of Assistive Technology, nor does he seem willing to learn to understand it.

This is okay – S has an EA in the classroom, and this EA will be able to scribe for him. We can adjust to this. At least I know where he stands.

He went over some other details about how his classroom works, and now I know to get S started on some of the end of unit assignments now – they are directly from the text book, and the text book is on his computer.

He will be able to bring his mark up to something more reflective of his abilities. S has no interest in following the Geography field, so I doubt that he will even take it again after this year. Not the end of the world.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Another trade show weekend

I've been away from home since Thursday when I left for yet another trade show. Due to this show, I did not have the opportunity to attend the parent/teacher interviews for the boys, so I will have to make some appointments this week, I guess. Hubby didn’t even realize that report cards were sent home with the boys, so I guess I will be able to see those when I get home today.


Cuz and a number of friends attended the trade show I was working at this weekend. I didn't get to chat with them much during their visit, however. When they arrived at the show, I was on a break and not at the booth, and when they were done with the show, I was on another break, so now Cuz is of the impression that I never really 'work' when I'm at a trade show! ;o)
Yes, okay, I was at the food and wine sampling area when they first arrived, and I WAS having a shiatsu massage when they were leaving... but still, I do work hard when I am away - honest!! (hee hee)

Boss and I arrived on Thursday night and unloaded the truck and got the primary layout of the booth done that night. The next morning we arrived and finished setting up the booth so that we were ready for the show’s opening at noon. The Friday night went until 9pm, Saturday was from 10 until 6 – and was crazy-busy that day!! – and then Sunday was from 9 until 5. Last night (Sunday) was the first time we have ever been out of a show, finished dinner and climbing in to bed before 9pm!
I didn’t go straight to sleep though – I lay in my comfy bed and watched a couple episodes of CSI Nevada. So quiet…

This was one of the first-ever working weekends that I didn’t have my laptop with me, and since Hubby was so busy with the fishing club’s rainbow derby, he and I haven’t been in contact with each other very much since Wednesday. I’m sure we will both have a lot to catch up on tonight.

Next weekend is the last trade show I will be working until February. I’m not going to be sad.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The aging Asperger teen...

On Friday morning, I received a rather upsetting phone call. My cousin's husband passed away very suddenly on Thursday evening. He was only 52 years old, and had not been ill through any stretch of the imagination.
Needless to say that sort of started the holiday weekend off in a not-so-good way.
I've talked to my cousin a couple of times since then (she is Cuz's S-I-L) and Hubby will be trying to get the day off for the funeral on Thursday. Either way, I will be there. Probably will attend with my parents.

On Saturday, Hubby and I started the not so nice task of getting the chickens ready for the freezer. My brother and his family stopped in before we finished, so although it was nice to spend time with them, it would have been good to have that dirty job finished with all on the same day. We did finish it all up yesterday.
I am sort of sad to say good bye to 'the girls.' Those funny little chickens made me laugh almost every single time I went out to that coop. It will probably seem a little odd when I prepare a meal with my sealed packages - I don't think I will allow myself to think about it too much.

Over the weekend, I found out that S and Lil'A are 'going out' again. And, again, I'm still not sure what this all entails. She has been giving S little notes all last week - telling him that he should smile, that sort of thing. One of the notes said that she wouldn't be able to go out with S again until she had the chance to 'teach him some stuff' but S didn't really know what she meant by that. I suggested that since they were going to be having lunch together today that he find out what she meant by that.

See - this puts me in strange, uncharted territory. How do you guide an an Asperger child entering the dating scene?
I know he's going to have to get his heart broken - that is part of growing up - but there is part of me that SO wants to protect him from experiencing that particular heartbreak because of his social awkwardness. I can only 'coach' him on acceptable behaviours so much, and I really don't know what sorts of quirks he has that are Asperger-based vs. teenager-craziness!  Add in to that his low short-term working memory, and whatever she does tell him will be GONE before he ever gets a chance to tell me so that I can help him out a bit.  (sigh)

I did a quick Internet search on "Aspergers and dating" but most of the sites that I took a quick look at are more for adults rather than teens. I guess I will have to have a deeper search in to these websites.


I asked the A-man if he had anything special that he wanted to do this week. His smart-aleck response was, "Oh... yeah... cuz, I have such a packed social schedule!" I take this to mean that he doesn't want to head to the city one night this week like he did last. What a guy!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Truth comes out

I always find it so interesting to compare what I am *told* and what is actually the truth.

I called the A-man's English teacher this morning, requesting a meeting. Her prep time is first thing in the morning, so we decided to have the conversation on the phone since we were already speaking.

I started the conversation with asking if she had reviewed the A-man's IEP. She confessed that she didn't know about his IEP at all until the A-man told her yesterday that I wanted to talk to her about it. Okay - that explains a few things. She told me that the new ones haven't been completed yet, but she wondered if maybe she could review last years? (Gee, okay - that might be a starting point...)

Okay - all sarcasm aside - she did seem very upset that she was not aware of his IEP, and she also seemed very willing to work through the concerns that I had. Starting today, she is going to make sure that the A-man is given the notes rather than asking him to take notes. She is also going to look over the reader response that he worked on last night and provide some further assistance to him.
I asked about the entire "must be only one page, double-spaced" thing, and she told me that isn't the full truth - she told the class that she doesn't want five pages of rambling. She felt that the students should be able to make a statement, and prove said statement, without going off topic. She also told me that many of the students were asked to redo their homework as a number of them didn't appear to understand what she was asking of them.
The A-man's, however, was no where near what she was looking for.

Last night I had asked the A-man how much time the class had been given to do this assignment originally. He told me two days. The teacher told me that she gave them more than a week. Apparently she always gives a least a one week turn around for all assignments. I will address the "mis-information" with him this evening. She also told me to go a little easy on him - he's not the only one that "doesn't get it" and that it's a simple part of being a teenager that has him 'forget' things.

Why does he do that? He KNOWS I am going to ask about this sort of thing!
Anyway, I now know how the teacher works, what types of homework details he should be having on a daily basis, and that I will have to monitor his notebooks for a little while.

I am set.

The English homework saga

Last night was not a stellar night in the world of Jori.

While we were having dinner, the A-man admitted that he had to redo a 'reader response' that he had done last week. Apparently what he had turned in was not at all what she was looking for, so she was going to give him an opportunity to re-submitt. (Please remember - this is the same teacher that hasn't responded to my voice message from weeks ago.)

Apparently he did follow some format, so I asked to see the sheet that explain this format. He told me that he didn't have the sheet. Wrong answer.
I told him to go and get his English binder so that I could look through it - I was sure that he would have this format explained somewhere in the binder. When he handed me his binder, I just about lost my mind.

He had pages and pages of loose leaf pages - just IN the binder - not actually on the rings of the binder, and in no particular order. Some pages were dated, others were not. This momma bear was not a happy one. I looked through the binder and came across both a copy of the information that explained the format required AND a sample (explanar) of a reader response. After I read what was in the explanar and then read what the A-man had submitted... yeah, I'm sort of surprised that she hasn't phoned me to tell me that he is in the wrong class level.

I remember the night that the A-man worked on this particular piece of homework. The only thing he was focused on was that it had to be double spaced and one page long. Never once did he mention that he needed to include citations from the written work. Heck, until last night, I had never even SEEN the written piece!

So, after getting upset about the loose pages in the binder and the obvious lack of planning/thought that went in to the last assignment, I sat down with him to help him formulate a plan of attack for the assignment. He really seemed to be understanding the entire concept. I had him make some rough notes - ideas to himself, complete with 'real life' examples - and when I left him, he was starting to formulate these ideas into a proper reader response layout.

Fast forward to over an hour later... he has now typed out his information and asked me if he could please take a bit of break to watch a half hour sitcom. I thought that since he had been working so hard that it would only make sense - he could do the final tweaking of the assignment after the show since he still had an hour before he normally goes to bed.

After he watched the TV show, I asked to see what he had prepared. The first part of the assignment was great, other than taking the entire opening line directly from the explanar. He even cited a very valid piece from the book. But after the opening paragraph, the entire piece went to hell in a hand basket. Run on sentences, 'facts' that had no supporting proof, and a personal sidebar that really had not bearing on the subject at hand. When I told him that I liked the opening but thought the rest was terrible, he got upset with me.
I started to try and brainstorm some ideas with him. Now, I have not read the book that he is responding to, so I was completely relying on his memory of the story for the answers, and it felt like he was answering my questions in a deliberate attempt to bait me. I tried another approach, and again his answers seemed to thwart my efforts.
I lost my temper.

I gave myself about 10 minutes to cool off - and for him to do the same - and then I started working with him again. Slowly - very slowly - he started to better understand the entire concept of making statements and having documented proof to backup the statements. Slowly - even slower - he realized that when the teacher says "relate it to your life" she doesn't mean his life exactly, but to life in general.
My biggest hurdle was getting past the whole "it can only be one page long, so I don't have room for all of that." What a thing to hyper-focus on! I told him that spacing issues were NOT to be a concern. The important part of the assignment was to get the ideas down on paper, to provide the required proof of the statements, and to include 'life examples' to support the entire theory.
Spacing details come after the written information is what is needed.

It was a painful night, I will admit. I lost my temper - a lot. I think was bothers me the most, however, it that he has not spoken up to the teacher and said, "Hey, it would appear that you haven't read my IEP." I've asked him countless times to remind her that I want to talk to her, yet he hasn't done that either.
I'm pretty sure that he was so busy trying to take down the information being presented that he simply didn't listen to what she was explaining. I need to have a face-to-face with this lady, I think.

I'm going to call the school again this morning and see what I can set up today.

This morning I talked with the A-man and apologized for getting so upset with him last night. I explained how it appeared to me that he was answering in such a way as to try and goad me, and that I realize now that it wasn't that - he really didn't understand what I was asking him.
He told me that he would remind his teacher to phone me today.

Oh boy, oh boy... the joys of it all.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

This and that

I gave a presentation about ADHD last night at our local Learning Disability’s support group last night. It went pretty well, but I think I whipped through my PowerPoint presentation pretty quickly. I was thinking, “Okay, 20 minutes of talking – and now WHAT?” but the group ended up having questions and discussions for another hour and a half! I often forget that many people are in that “learning stage” of the entire special education world.

I felt terrible for one lady – her daughter is 12 or 13 and they have just received a physco-educational assessment, and now she is fearful that she is “too late” for helping. I assured her – as did many people within the meeting – that she still has lots of time and that although it seems overwhelming right now, she will learn what is needed.

After the meeting broke up, the Executive Director of the LD Association told me that I am an inspiration to many, and I should be proud of everything we have worked through in our lives. An inspiration? Never did I think I would hear myself called that! A mess… now that would make more sense to me, to tell the truth!

One of the people I sat on the ADHD Board with was also in attendance, and she and I went for coffee after the meeting. She told me how she likes that I insert a bit of humour whenever I do a presentation, and I confessed that I don’t really intend to do that – it just seems to happen. “Either way,” she told me, “you make people feel comfortable with a difficult subject and help them to realize that things aren’t always that bad.” (Made me feel good, I will admit.)

~~~~
The A-man’s drama class will be putting on an adaptation of The Lion King toward the end of the semester. The A-man’s audition was last week, and he has been given the role of Mufasa for the play. His off-stage role will be that of lighting. He feels that lighting is the most important off-stage part because, really, “The play can’t go on if no one can see the actors!” What a guy.

Still haven’t heard back from his English teacher – guess I will have to give her ANOTHER call today. I realize she was away for a couple of days last week, but it really is quite ridiculous that in almost 2 weeks she hasn’t had a chance to return my phone call.

~~~~
My new assistant begins today. Not quite sure what I’m going to get her to work on first – guess I will just have to wing it. Wish me luck!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Online book source

I just found this website, and it is actually a good beginning reference for any parent/teacher that is working with children with Aspergers, Tourette Syndrome and ADHD.

Who knew?

Learning to adjust

I need to learn to start giving the A-man the benefit of the doubt.

On this past Friday, I found out that the A-man hadn't shown me his proofs from his Drama class pictures. Here I was thinking that he had either forgot about it or didn't want us to spend the money. When I asked him about it, he got all upset and wanted to know how I had learned about this. Turns out the picture was to be Hubby and I's Christmas present.

I'm such a heel.

Hubby did have a conversation with the A-man this weekend about not being so worried about what things cost. I wasn't privy to the conversation, but I am hoping that he understands that it is the responsibilty of the parents to worry - not the children. It's nice that he is concerned, and doesn't want to take advantage, but I really wanted him to know that he should be able to do things he wants to (especially at school) without being concerned about the cost.

Had a good weekend. S went over to his friend's house on Saturday morning for a sleep over, so we didn't see him again until supper time on Sunday night. Sounds like he had a really fun time.
I hosted a baby shower in the afternoon, and the A-man went over to Jazzy's house to work on a project with her brother and a couple of other kids from school. They brought the A-man home and then joined us for a nice evening of wine, snacks, and then a yummy dinner.

Boss is off to the US this week, and my new assistant begins tomorrow. Guess I will have to make sure her email system is all set up and that I have lots of things for her to work on this week!

And so it begins again...

Friday, October 2, 2009

Guidance appointment

Well, I went to the school today to find out a little bit more about the courses that the A-man has selected. Turns out he actually requires 30 course credits for graduation, and he will actually earn both credits for the math courses he wants to take this year. This was one of the main things I wanted to clarify before agreeing to this concept.

So, as of right now, he has 16 credits, and at the end of this school year - assuming he passes all of the courses!! - he will have 24 in total. So to graduate, he will only have to take 6 courses next year, but I will know I will encourage him to take 8 just to keep him in the full-school groove.

I asked about the difference between this mixed math course and the Uni course, and the guidance councillor explained that some of the concepts will be review for him next semester, but a few of the things - such as triginomitry - will be more indepth, so his whole thought process of getting a better grasp this semester isn't really all that far fetched. I'm wondering if this is something his teacher said to him because the councillor said that the teacher thought this would be a good move for the A-man.
No matter. I have given my approval for this course change, and he won't be taking a computer course next semester. Next semester he will have Math, Philosophy, Phys Ed and Hospitality. Again, a nice mixture of classes - not a heavy course load nor a light one.

Got a few more details about the philosophy course, and it does sound like something he would enjoy - it will give him an opportunity to stretch his debating skills even more. Lord knows how that boy loves to debate an issue.

Hubby and I will have to have a conversation with the A-man this weekend, though. I found out that he doesn't think he will join the outdoors club this year "because it costs $85 and if S joins, that would cost $170 and I don't want to cost you and Dad any more during this recession." Pardon me?! I tried - quickly - to explain that didn't matter, but this conversation was happening just before we met with the councillor.
What a guy... we have never made him feel like money is a major deciding factor in much of his life, and I don't want him to NOT do things, or ask about things, because he doesn't want us to spend money on him.
He didn't bring his Drama photo prints home, either, I found out. I'm going to assume it's because it 'costs' so now I've called the photographer to see if I can order them even though it was all due today!

Ahh - what a boy! How many parents can say, "My son won't let me spend money on him!"??