Advocacy, and learning what it means

I went to an ADHD meeting last night. This was the monthly information session that is held for parents and educators. Last night's meeting was on advocacy - what the acronyms mean, how to wade through the details that effect your child's special educational needs, that sort of thing.

It doesn't seem like that long ago when we received S's psycho-educational assessment and learned of his various learning "disabilities", but it would appear that in the grand scheme of things, two years really is a lot of time. But, then again, maybe it isn't that two years is a lot of time... maybe it is that I am the type of person that must educate herself on something as much as she can. I'm not sure.

I'm feeling very reflective this morning. I feel so badly for all of those parents that were at that meeting last night. Obviously, every single one of them wants to do the very best for their child - they wouldn't be at that meeting, otherwise. But the way that the special education system is set up here in Ontario, it's almost like it has become a "us" (the parents) verses "them" (the school system), and that is not how it is supposed to be. We are all supposed to be here for a common goal - to educate our children.

Maybe it's that the child with special educational needs simply causes more work, and more expenses, and therefore is not an 'ideal' for some educators. (Note that I said some. Others do not feel or behave as if they believe this.) I realize that the classrooms are very full and busy places, and teachers don't have the time to give each child special attention, and therefore when there is one child that demands that attention, I can see how it would be very easy to become frustrated with that child. Then we need to add in the fact that there is never just one child in each class that has a special educational need. Well, it would be a very rare classroom if there was only one child with a special educational need.

But looking beyond that, beyond the day to day interactions with the child that the teacher must face, we have the 'management' team of the school - the principal and vice principals. These are the front-line people that the parents turn to for information and education about the Special Educational system. Sure, there are some wonderful principals out there that work WITH parents - educate them, listen to them, and offer true and helpful advice. I wish we had more of those. But, when I sat around that table last night, and heard from so many different parents, it would appear this type of principal just is not the norm. This is what I do not understand.

Why does it appear that so many principals resist educating the parents about the child's rights to an education? Sure, there is this wonderful booklet they give out about the IEP process, etc., etc.... but here is something that was raised last night. What if the parent of this special educational child is also a person with a learning disability? What if the the idea of trying to sit down and read that very boring piece of literature is something beyond them? Would you admit that to your child's educator? "I am not able to read/comprehend this information."? I (know it would be a very painful thing to admit if I were in that situation.) So rather than admit this, they simply rely on the principal to be honest and true about what resources are there, or are available, for this child's educational needs. The very sad thing is that it would appear far to many principals - and even the Special Ed teachers themselves - either are not educated about what is available, or simply do not feel the need to help teach the parent.

And so, we hold meeting like last nights. We try to let parents know about their rights, and their children's rights, to special education. There were three of us from the ADHD board last night, and another lady from the Learning Disabilities Association, and after the two hour meeting broke, all four of us had parents coming to us for some individual assistance. I remember being in that place - simply not knowing what IPRC stood for, never mind what the process was. Not sure if I even had the right to be at that meeting, never mind demand certain things at that meeting. I am very tenacious, however, (in case you didn't realize that) and I have spent many, many hours reading and educating myself about this. I have bought books, searched Internet sites, attended meetings, and I have gone to weekend conferences. But, I am not the norm - never have been accused of that! ;o)

It is just so frustrating! I wish I could sit down and talk to every single educator out there, and explain to them what a parent goes through during this process. If they have a child with a special educational need, perhaps they understand a BIT more, but that is usually the only time. Then there are so many educators that don't have a child themselves - it is really hard to educate them about it when they really don't know what a parent feels for their child. That feeling is something you simply have to experience to totally 'get', I think.

Okay...enough rambling for now. I have to take the A-man in to school this morning since we both overslept, and then S has his doctor's appointment this morning. Going to be a busy day!

The honeymoon is over

Well, I guess that's not too bad - almost a whole month before I got "the call."

Yup - got one this afternoon from the EA. It seems S was agitated to the point that she was just not quite sure what to do next. When she let me talk to him, I could tell he was gritting his teeth, and in that "I don't care, I'm really ticked off" mode that he can get in to. I talked to him for a few minutes, then I had to put him on hold to finish on another call. Let's face it - I'm at work...I really do need to still do my job. When I got back to the call, S told me that he would call me back in a minute because he was going to go in to another room.

I guess the EA - what shall I call her? Ummm... Mrs. A works. Okay, so Mrs. A had tried to talk to him, and felt she was getting somewhere, then he ran back in to the classroom. He had ran in to the boy's change room, which was where they had started their conversation. Now, since this was the first time Mrs. A had a bit of an incident with S, she felt it would be easier to have the class leave, rather than risk him having a full blow up while she tried to get him out of the classroom. I can understand that. The students - in both Grades 7 & 8 - left the class, and the teacher, Mrs. S. called down to the office to let them know of the situation. Ms. B decided to come and 'help' with it. (Yeah, I'm sure that did absolutely nothing to help him.)

Anyway, since this was Mrs. A's first witness to what S can do, they decided to call me and see if I could 'talk him down', so to speak. He seemed resistant to talk to me at first, but all it took was one question to have him open up. I asked, "Did somebody say something to hurt your feelings?" Suddenly the angry boy was gone, and a sad, almost crying little boy replaced him. I heard a very small, very sad, "Yes." (Okay, I'm getting through...)

"Who said something that hurt your feelings?" He told me a classmate's name. "What did he say that upset you?" S replied with "Pink Panthers." uhhh... what??!!?!! So, through a bit of a winding conversation, I was able to determine that a group of kids were trying to come up with an intermural team name. S felt that this boy should have picked S's suggested name (The Pink Flaming Flamingos) but this boy decided to go with the consensus - The Pink Panthers. S feels that they shouldn't go with that name because it will break copyright. (HA!)

So, he became upset. He feels that no one ever picks his ideas. He told me that he had thought for two whole days to come up with this name, and he thought it was perfect. But, again, no one liked it. How do you tell him that sometimes that is just the way it is? How do you teach him the skills to realize that a rejection of a person's idea isn't a rejection of the person? His poor wee self-esteem is already so low, and then to have his team mate - one that he considers a friend - pick someone else's name... well, since I know him so well, I understand where he is coming from. So very hard. I talked to him a bit, and he seemed to calm down a fair amount. The biggest concern he has is that people don't listen to him.

I asked to talk to Mrs. A again, and basically asked her point blank why the principal was contacted. I told her that in an event such as this, the SERT is to be contacted as she has a very calming effect on S. Ms. B does not. I guess the teacher was so overwhelmed by this outburst she did what she thought was best, and I can't really fault her for that.

Mrs. S - the classroom teacher - did contact me at work some time after 5 tonight. She was very upset about the whole incident, and was actually taking it very personally, I think. I tried to explain to her that this is just how S is, how he reacts to self-perceived rejection, etc. I did let her know that he likes her very much, that he likes her class, and that she didn't do anything wrong. "This is the reason he has an EA," I tried to explain. I offered some websites for her to read - one in particular that has some amazing strategies for teaching students such as S. Never had a teacher do that before.

Yesterday I contacted the French teacher - just had a few questions I needed answered. Seems like a very well-organized teacher, but didn't seem to be aware of the issues and concerns around S's educational needs. Chatted with her a bit, then fired an email off to the SERT asking her to make sure to inform the French teacher of S's safe plan because I got the impression that the EA didn't attend this class with S. SERT emailed me back today to say that she, personally, spoke with the teacher, explained the whole scenario, and assured me that S did have an EA during that class. Not quite sure where all that was coming from, but whatever. I just know that if he has a new teacher, that does not know of how he can react to stressful situations, we are just sitting on a time bomb. Apparently it has all been cleared up, and the French teacher assured me yesterday that she would begin a modified French program for him. Great.

Okay, now on to the A-man. Get a call from his Learning Strategies teacher today to set up a meeting I had requested. I REALLY want to have a psyscho-ed assessment done on him, but I REALLY don't want to have to pay for it if I can avoid it. I have copies of all the reports from the Toronto hospital, plus the information from the study we participated in during May of last year. I am going to see what I can do. On two of the cognitive tests, the A-man scored in the 99th and the 91st percentile. VERY high. Extremely high. Shows how bright he is. But on the spelling end of things, he scored at the 14th percentile. Differences of these extremes indicate a learning problem. We need to figure out what, exactly, the problem is. So, come Tuesday morning, I am going to plead his case.

Between the phone call from S's EA and S's classroom teacher, I received a phone call from the A-man's science teacher. She wanted to make sure I was aware of his first project being due tomorrow. I told her that I was aware, and that he had been working on it. She said that he had asked some questions today, so she knew he had been doing something. She then told me some of the things she was expecting to see. This was not what he had done so far. Okay - there is time for him to address this.

She then proceeds to tell me that the class turned in science labs today, and the A-man did not follow - or followed very loosely - the example she had provided for them. She told me that she knows the work he turned in is not indicative of what she knows he has learned, and she told me that she would be willing to give him the opportunity to re-do the lab over the three day weekend and resubmit it on Monday. (Friday is a PA day in our board.) She then offered to assist him by giving him a bit of a template to follow for future labs. Wow. I want to kiss this lady, I'm telling you.

I explained that he and I had set up a template for labs a few days ago, and I would have him bring in his memory stick and go over the finer points with her. She was happy to hear this, I think. Found out later that the school doesn't have software compatable to ours, but I am sure we will be able to work something out. (Hubby and I are both computer literate enough to design a template equal to what she sends home.)

Had to inform the A-man of these developments. He took the information relatively well, considering. I was home for all of 12 minutes before I had to leave again for a meeting, so Hubby got to do the final details with the A-man's project. Must say, they did a very good job with it. Not quite the layout I had in mind, but it is very well done, and more creative than what I would have come up with. Will be sure to give them both gold stars in the morning.

Had a very informative meeting about advocacy tonight. So many people has so many things to learn. Even as a person that is very comfortable with the various acronyms, I must admit that I still have a lot more to learn. Have some homework...

Will write more about that meeting later. Getting quite late, and I really need to go to bed. I am off to Montreal tomorrow after work, so I won't be blogging for a few days. Hubby will have to assist the A-man with his science lab revisons sometime between the fishing derby they are in this weekend. I will be quite tired on Sunday from my 8 hour drive, but I will do whatever helping I can.

Have a great weekend!

Sharing his journal

Did you notice the new picture I have put up here on my blog? Its a number of years old, but I have always liked that one...

I had nothing to do with any homework last night - still wasn't feeling well. Much better this morning...it's amazing what a massage can do for you. I am going to post two excerpts from the A-man's drama journal (95%!!) just so you can get a feel for who he is. (I have corrected spelling, however)

Who am I?
I am the kind of person that is great to have as a friend. I'm very funny and easy-going. My dreams for the future are to be a world famous chef that can cook food fit for a god. My passions would probably have to be playing video games, reading (once I start to read a good book I can't stop thinking about it), camping out in the wild all by myself and practicing my swordplay skills (sword fighting). I hope that in the future they will have discovered a cure for TS (Tourette Syndrome).

What did I like this week about drama class?
I really like my drama class. It is so much fun. I liked how we did the tableauxs and also the ice-breaker games and also how we had to make up our own games. I also really like (teacher), she is very fair and fun. She also gives good explanations. She is very nice and helped the class make friends by having us play the ice breaker games. Now I know almost all of the names of the people in the class thanks to the ice breaker games; but in all of my other classes, I know only about the names of five people, and that's because I went to school with them. Here in drama though, I first came here and I knew about two people, then in the second week my cousin came so I knew three people. So if we didn't play those ice breaker games I would barely know anybody.
I really like this school too. In my old school all of the teachers were pretty, for lack of a better word, dumb. They would get me in trouble for stuff that I didn't do, waste money on the staff room and then make the students make a soccer net out of rusty old pipes. They would even kick you off the bus for using self-defence. So I am really, really, REALLY happy to leave that school.
I also like it here because we get to have a small bit of down time between classes. We also have responsibility to do our work, and that I like because we were bugged every 10 minutes to do our work but now we can choose when we do it.

written by the A-man, aged 14

And that is two of the four journal entries that he made. May not seem like much to you, but that is a lot of writing for that boy.

Watch out - she is grouchy

Had a brief stop over at home last night before I went out for dinner with my highschool friends. The A-man claimed he had no homework other than his science project. He told me he had done all that he could do for the night because he had forgotten to bring home his Science lab sample sheet. Whatever.

S had to write a fairy tale, and when I had called home earlier in the afternoon, he told me he was just finishing it up. This morning he told me all about the fairy tale he wrote - it actually sounded so good that I wondered if he had made it up himself, or if he had to just modify an existing story. He said it was his. I didn't read the finished product this morning, but I will probably ask to see it tonight.

I am starting to come down with something. Sniffles big time yesterday, and today I feel like I have an elephant sitting on my chest. I am supposed to be going to Montreal this upcoming weekend, and I have arranged for second interviews tomorrow. I will have to endure, and push through - just as we women always do - but I don't have to be happy about it.

Told S to knock it off this morning. He was just being silly, but I was not in the mood for it. He realized it quickly - which doesn't normally happen - and was able to just get down to the business at hand.

I've asked the A-man to bring home his journal from Drama class, and I am hoping he will let me share some of his comments on here. Maybe then you will be able to get a feel for his opinions of his last school. See if I'm off base...

Brief Update

If you are a regular reader of my blog, I'm sure you are laughing about the idea of anything on my blog being 'brief', but I will attempt it.

Over the course of my visit with Cuz, she and I discussed my blog. I laughingly told her that since she was reading about my day to day life, as it was happening, I didn't have anything to talk to her about. Of course that wasn't the case. My friend that's celebrating her birthday is also reading on a regular basis, and her husband seems to think I have too much time on my hands since I can type such long blogs. I told him that wasn't really the case - I just type very quickly.

S was a pain in the butt this morning to get out of bed, but once he was out of bed, he was very quick to do all that needed to be done. The A-man got up and going all quite quickly, which does make the morning transition so nice.

Got in to work to 17 'urgent' emails - plus a few more resumes. Today is the deadline date for submission, so that should begin to peter off. The training with the new bookkeeper went well on Friday afternoon, and she will be coming back in this afternoon to continue to familiarize herself with the way the business works. I think I will review the newer resumes and see if there is anyone that should be interviewed before we do the call backs.

Poor hubby is stretched to the breaking point at work. We had a big talk after we got to bed last night. I was very sure to let him know that I will support whatever decision he makes, and should he feel the need to step down from his current position, I will understand. When it starts affecting our home life - days in to the weekend - there is a problem.

Tons of various 'events' every single night this week. Cuz told me that I am very much like my mother. She said that my mom is a work-a-holic, and I am a 'busy-a-holic.' I don't think that is the case, but I will have to review that.

Dinner with highschool friends tonight, so I will not be on homework duty. Will be interesting to see how hubby makes out. It is also S's karate night. I pre-made three dinners yesterday afternoon, so the rush right after work for hubby shouldn't be too bad. (See how much I take care of these three?? They are very lucky, wouldn't you say?)

And, that is that. Brief? Maybe not so much...

"Mom, you are a freakin' genius!"

Those were the words uttered by my 14 year old this evening.

Now, I'm not so thrilled about the use of the word freakin' because I know he is replacing another "f" word, but I let it go. The point is, sometimes Moms do know what they are talking about.

The A-man has a science project due on Thursday. I suggested to him that he create a template on the computer for all of his lab reports. My reasoning was that it would make the inputting of the information much easier as the reports got more detailed, and it would also give him just a little bit more experience working within Word.

I showed him how to set up a workable table within the sheet, then I showed him how to actually insert a bar graph. He thought that was the most amazing thing he had ever seen. Hence the genius comment. That opinion, however, was very short lasted when I pointed out to him that the experiment HE just completed wasn't the one the teacher was looking for. Suddenly I became public enemy number one.

Meanwhile, S and I are trying to bake some cookies. Double chocolate chip cookies. They are a moist cake-like cookie. Turned out pretty good, and S even did most of the clean up himself.

The A-man got on with getting his actual project underway. He grunted and groaned about it, but completed the actual experiment. He tried to tell me that he only needed to report on the findings, and complete the graph, but I was having quite a difficult time believing that to be true. My opinion was - and still is - if the teacher gives you a month to do this project, there is far more to it than what can be done in less than half an hour. He was adamant about not having to do anything further.

After a bit of away time, I asked the A-man to come up and explain to me what they do in lab. What they have to do to hand in an in-school lab report. He explained the details to me, and I asked him if what they did in school was to be considered an experiment. He said it was. I asked him if what he had just completed here at home was an experiment. He said it was. I then asked him why the teacher would want him to do all "this" work in class, but not at home. Suddenly he seemed to realize what I was asking.

Now, one thing to keep in mind - this did not go in a smooth manner. Anything but a smooth transition. He was rude, argumentative, and very sarcastic. He resisted me every single step of the way. He did not think he should have to put any more effort in to this project than the brief time he had already spent. Nor did he think he should have to clean up from the experiment.

Well, it was not fun. Nor is it done, but at least the A-man realizes that he will have to do this project in the manner that I am saying it needs to be done. He may mumble about it, but I think he really does see my point. He just does not want to admit that he knows I am right. The problem I have is that I have meetings and appointments every night this week and will not be able to oversee the remainder of the project. That will be hubby's responsibility. And, despite how much I love the man, I never truly believe he takes this responsibility as serious as I do.

S had some more poetry homework this weekend, and he completed it (by himself) this afternoon before I got back home. He said he didn't need any help with it. It is called a diamonte poem. I'm very happy that he completed it all by himself, it's just the actual words that he used to complete the poem that upset me. Here it is:

S (September)

Crazy, freaking

Spazzing, attacking, hurting

Scared, worried, happy calm

Nice, reliable, friendly

Helpful, smart

S (June)

He used words that he feels currently describe him (first half of the poem) and the words he would like to describe him in the future. Hurts me to hear him so negative on himself. He has done so well so far this year. I don't know if he realizes the positive changes he has made. I will have to make a point of talking more to him about this.

During dinner tonight, S showed me his final mark from his history project. He got 20 1/2 out of 25. An 81%. He was totally thrilled with that mark, and we all were thrilled for him. That is the second day in a row that my kids have received some really good marks. I am not complaining, trust me.

I had a good time with my cousin. Far too short - as always. Part of the reason for my visit was for a surprise 40th birthday party for another friend. She and I have grown up together, and met when I was 11 and she was 12. She seemed very happy to have a party in her honour, too. A lot of people were there to offer their best wishes. "Cuz" and I went to visit for a bit this afternoon. I got to snuggle and cuddle her 6 month old little boy. Her 3 year old is so smart, and he just loves to talk, and play, and just BE there. I had a great time while there. Makes me wish I could do that stage once more. Then, I think about how life was for me during those stages, and think, "No way." She is very lucky, and she knows it. I hope these two boys continue to bring her delight for the rest of their lives.

Hubby is a big grouch tonight. Work has him just stressed to the max right now, and I understand that, but I had to read him a mini-riot act after dinner tonight. He is taking his frustation out on me and the boys, and that is not fair. I think he realized what I was saying. Well, I hope so, anyway.

Must dash for now - still lots to work on around the house. Hubby is doing the laundry (yes, I love him very much!!) and I am going to tackle the reorganizing of the bedroom.

Having a brain gap..

My son....my "I hate writing, it's boring, it's messy, and I never know what to say" son... GOT A 95% ON HIS DRAMA JOURNAL!! I was so proud of him last night when he told me about it!

After we dropped S off at karate, and I was driving the A-man to meet with his friends, he was telling me about this journal he had to do for drama class. I guess they did it in class, because I had never heard about it before this. He said that he mainly wrote about the differences between elementary school and highschool, and their feelings about the two. Observations about the differences, that sort of thing.

After we did a high-five for the great mark, I started asking him questions about what he wrote, etc., and asked him if the teacher had commented on anything he wrote. He said she wrote quite a few comments - all very flattering - but the one that sticks in my mind is that she told him one of his paragraphs was very deep. He told me he didn't know what she meant by that. I didn't comment, either. I haven't read the journal as of yet, but I have asked him to bring it home so that I can read it. I will explain her 'deep' comment after I know the context that it was written in.

A 95% in a written assignment. That has never, EVER happened! A mark like that is expected in Math, even in Science, but a written assignment - unheard of. Shows what a little bit of interest can do, huh?

S's agenda had a very nice note in it yesterday, too. His EA made a note saying how she and the teacher were very pleased with S's attention to homework detail, and said that he was doing well in class, too.

Okay - could the real children return? I am not complaining, mind you, I'm just a little surprised. Thrilled beyond explanations, but surprised. Have the years of school nonsense really come to an end? I would be very surprised if that truly was the case...but wouldn't it be nice?

Off to hug my children...then I'm going to bed! Away for the next couple of days, but Sunday afternoon will be Science Project time!

Another Whirl-wind day!

Yesterday was another one...just busy. Interviewed three more people yesterday, one seems really good but expects a pay pretty close to my salary (yeah, not gonna happen), and another one that shows some great potential. Two more today.

Spent most of the afternoon in meetings trying to bring our website details up to speed...now I have to spend a bunch of time updating the spreadsheet, then forward the report to my bosses, and send the required changes to the web-department.

Rushed home, grabbed the boys - S finished his math sheet before I got home! - took S to his karate class, the A-man went off with Jazzy's mom and brother, and I went back in to work for a dinner meeting. Turned out to be a way more relaxing gathering than I excepted, so that was nice. Didn't get out until 9:30, though, so that got the boys home a bit later than I would have liked. They didn't like getting up this morning.

Today is 'civy' day at the A-man's school. They don't have to wear uniforms, but they do have to wear a collared shirt. He was trying to break that rule, but I finally found a shirt that he was willing to wear. Apparently he hates collars. The highschool is also doing the Terry Fox run today. The A-man is going to rollerblade the 7kms. I hope he doesn't fall. He is a tad clumsy right now - think he's having a growth spurt.

S tried to convince me to let him stay home from school "because he's sick." He has the cold his brother had. Didn't work. He trundled out to meet the bus, but not before I realized he had not brushed his teeth. I escorted him back to the washroom, and helped. He hates it when I do that. I explained to him that he needs to look after his hygenic needs, and that it is very important. One of his 'goals' on his project was to get a girlfriend this year (how cute is that?) and I told him that girls in Grade 7 notice things like unwashed hands and fuzzy teeth. I'm hoping that spin makes a difference.

Glad it's almost the weekend. I would like to try and sneak out of the office a bit early today, but I don't know if that will happen. Guess we'll see how the day goes!

...and tonight...

I'm very tired. Back is sore...just....tired.

Why is it that when the kids go back to school, it simply means that all aspects of a crazy existence has to begin again, too? Run here, run there, do this, get that done... (sigh)...I'm in need of some down time. A bit of a girls weekend, perhaps? I am going to see my cousin this weekend. She has been to see me a number of times at the cottage this summer, but I haven't made it up to her weekend place at all this summer, so I am going to go on Saturday. Was hoping to go last weekend, but those plans got bumped. It should be a fun time. We will eat too much, talk a lot...share a few cocktails, I'm sure. Will probably do me a world of good to have some 'away' time. Also does hubby some good to spend some quality time with the boys.

When I arrived back home from my board meeting, I was pleased to see that the boys had done what I had asked them to do. Again, for the most part. They never do the "whole" job - the correct way (aka - the way I would do it) but I always remember to thank them for their efforts, and tell them that I appreciate their help. Sometimes I will offer a few 'tips' on improving how certain things can be done, but if they are going to attempt it, I do not want to tick them off by telling them it's not 'right.' (Trust me - as a child I was often told what I didn't do right - kids remember.)

The best part? They completed their homework!!! Both of them! ALL of it! Now, I had S working on his while I was preparing dinner, but he didn't whine, or complain, or anything when I suggested he get to work on it. He just got it out and got to it. I am still in a bit of shock to be honest. Hey, don't get me wrong - I am THRILLED with them doing this! True signs of progress, I would say. (touching wood, though...)

As a board member of the ADHD group in the nearby city, I am the 'special events coordinator.' We are currently about to start a membership drive. I have a number of things to work on over the next few days, but it's just a bit of modifications to existing documents. And you know, I don't mind doing that 'work' - it's for a very good cause, and I feel very strongly that an educated parent is a force to be reckoned with. Which is why I volunteer for this group.

Actually, speaking of educating parents - the lady that came over for some advice a few weekends ago phoned me tonight. She is distraught over the IEP that has come home for her daughter. Again. In the past she would have been angry and upset about it, but she would have signed it. Not this time. This time around she is becoming informed. She is learning about how to approach the school on a more educated level - not a hot-headed parent level. I made a few suggestions, and I am hoping she is successful in getting the resources her daughter needs. I know this woman can rub people the wrong way, but her harshness really shouldn't impede her daughter's educational support. I'm trying - as nicely as I can - to empower her, and to teach her that abrasive isn't the way to go. I think she is finally realizing my theory. (It's only been 10 years that I have been trying to explain this...) Her daughter really is a sweet kid - but, I think the teachers (and principal - no, she doesn't go to school with S) are letting their negative opinions of the mother transfer to the child. And that isn't right.

She has borrowed some books, and started to do a little more reading from the Ministry of Education's website. I'd love to have more and more parents become informed. If I have to do it one parent at a time, at least it's one more child that is getting helped. I know we have gone to hell and back trying to get the educational supports we have needed for our sons, but now that we are starting to come out of that tunnel, and I really want to do what I can to help others!

"Let's get ready to R-U-M-B-L-E !!!!!"

Today

What a waste of half an hour. It really disturbs me that someone can look SO good on paper, but just not BE that person in an interview. She was a very lovely lady, to be honest, but just would not work within our office setting. Boss referred to her as "too high maintenance," and I think that would sum it up nicely. Oh well, few more tomorrow.

Have an ADHD meeting tonight. Rushing around trying to make dinner (spaghetti is fast, thank heavens) and S is sitting on the kitchen floor doing his math homework. Apparently that is an area he has always wanted to try doing his homework at. Whatever. Just so long as it is getting done.

The A-man has science to finish - good copy of the lab, apparently. I will be leaving them to their own devices for a little while - let's hope they do what is needed. I'm really trusting that they will...

Feeling frantic

Last night, after both boys were in bed, I suddenly had an overwhelming feeling of "I have WAY too much to do..."

Why do we do these sorts of things to ourselves? We rush and rush and get our fingers into so many pies...and then we are just exhausted at the end of it all. The worst is when you just do not see any end to the craziness - or when you do, and it's months down the road.

Case in point - a friend asked me to keep Nov 24 open for something. I thought about it for a moment, and said, "No can do - already busy the whole weekend." It is the middle of September! But, here I am, able to know what I have going on for the next three weekends, then nothing for a couple, then busy for a few... oh, and add in the whole job thing, kid's appointments and schedules... Ahhh....

Doing my first interview for an assistant this afternoon. This particular one looks very good on her resume, too. Will be doing three more tomorrow, then in to meetings all afternoon and in to the evening, then doing a couple more on Friday. Hopefully we will be able to find a good candidate. Actually, I have received even a few more resumes since I started setting up interviews, so we will have a good selection, I think.

Boys were pretty good getting out of the house this morning. The A-man was a little pokey, and didn't get his shower in, but if that is the worst to happen, that's not so bad. I am feeling a little bad for not seeing the signs last Friday. Both boys have come down with colds. The A-man doesn't typically get sick, but S seems to come down with a cold at least 2 or 3 times a year. And, typically, he is just cranky, irritable, and just 'bad' for a day or two before the illness hits. When he was younger, we could always tell he was getting sick. I guess I didn't pick up on the signs last week...maybe because his brother was doing it, also...and maybe because I was coping with a three day migraine... who knows?

Here is hoping my 'mommy rant' of last week won't be repeated anytime soon!

Progress. Are we really making progress?

I got home from work about 15 minutes past my usual time tonight. Not a bit deal, in the grand scheme of life, really, but we have pretty tight schedules three nights of the week - and tonight was one of them. The A-man had put the chicken in the oven like I had asked him to do, and when I arrived home, we had just enough time to eat, and then I had to dash off with the A-man to get him to Air Cadets. I left all the dishes on the table, and asked S to make sure everything got tidied up.

While I was leaving, I mentioned to S that I was going to do brief stop over at a friend's place. He asked if I could please make sure I was home by 7:45 as he had a detailed pie chart to complete for Geography, and he wanted me to be there to help him. Yes, he volunteered this information! He told me he had almost completed his haiku (a poem) and he knew what he was going to do to finish it. He assured me that it was on his laptop, and he would finish it while I was out.

When I got back home, the supper dishes were all put away - for the most part - and his haiku was done. He pulled out what he needed for the Geography, and he got to work on it right away. Of course, he didn't have all that he needed here at home, but since I am so annal about these things, I had all of what he needed - compass, protractor...those sorts of things. He did all of the required calculations, then proceeded to layout the chart to the degrees he had calculated. After much time at the new electric pencil sharpener, he started colouring his pie chart, and making the legend. I left him to finish it while I went to get the A-man from cadets. He had even printed his hiaku out without a reminder! (This is a very big step for a child with ADHD, let me tell you.)

While we were driving home from cadets, the A-man told me that he got 3.5 out of 4 on an in-class assignment in Geography. Second highest mark in the class, he claimed. He told me that a couple of his friends got marks like 1.5 and 1.8, and one got a zero because it wasn't complete, and was handed in two days late. The boy that got the 1.8 apparently said, "Oh, so close to a pass!" and the boy that got a zero has decided that he got this mark because the teacher has it in for him. Apparently the A-man told his friend that maybe if he did the work, he would get a better mark. The friend's retort could not be repeated to me, apparently. So, maybe, just maybe he is starting to 'get' it. Quite the change from the boy that got a 40% in Grade 7.

He has some Science prep to do for the lab they will complete tomorrow, but I am going to give him a bit of down time before I remind him of that. He really works hard at supressing his tics while he is at cadets, and needs about 20 minutes to work them all out when we get back home. It has taken me some time, but I am starting to better understand how this whole tourette thing works on him.

As I was tucking S in to bed, I asked him about the note in his agenda about the 12 line poem. I think he was avoiding that one. He has told me that it isn't due until Thursday, and I am not going to push him right now. It is his bed time, and sleep is more important. He can finish it tomorrow night.

I have a ton of membership drive details to finish tonight, and I am going to interview my first candiate for the assistant's job tomorrow. I have three scheduled for Thursday, and another two for Friday. Plus I will be training the new bookkeeper on Friday afternoon. Oh, and a dinner meeting on Thursday... geesh...is it any wonder that I'm tired? That said, I really should stop bloggging, and get to work on the other things that need to be done.

I will sign off with a copy of S's haiku. He has entitled it "The Ecosystem"

The ecosystem

And the whole environment

The earth we must save

written by S - son of Jori, aged 12.

I am very proud of him.

Fall crocus'

Yesterday afternoon, as I started to close my front window, I noticed my fall crocus were coming in to bloom. If you have never seen them before - they are beautiful. A very light purple/mauve colour. (The centres of these flowers are actually where saffron comes from.) Anyway, I saw the crocus, and my heart suddenly felt two things.
The first was, "Oh, aren't they beautiful - it looks like they have spread even more!" and then, sadly, "Oh, summer is officially over now." I always look at the blooming of my fall crocus with mixed feelings. Happy to see them, but sad to know what they actually represent.
I love spring and summer. Spring is, for sure, my very favourite season. Everything is so new, and fresh - just a total rebirth of the earth and everything on it. Summer is nice because the weather is so warm - I love those warm sweltery nights when you just sit out in your shorts and t-shirt and watch for falling stars. I never complain about the heat - even when we get up in to the high thirties. "Bring it on" is what I always think.
You know why that is? I really truly dislike the winter. No, let me modify that. I really truly hate the unbelievably cold, have-your-nose-hair-freezing type days. You know the ones I'm talking about. Those -35 days, with a wind chill that brings it down to almost -45. Those are the days I can truly do without. We had, what? 15 of them last February? Yeah. I was so glad we got to take our family vacation last year to Cuba.
Mind you, the cold weather followed us down to Cuba. The morning we left, it was -37 here, and just after we flew out, they ending up closing down the Toronto airport. We left on a Tuesday. By Friday the cold, wet weather hit the resort. 3 days of rain, and 19 degrees. But, as I said to the one traveller that was complaining about the rain, "Hey, at least you don't have to shovel it." Perception really does make a big difference on a number of things, I suppose.
I spoke with S's teacher this afternoon. Just wanted to touch base with her to make sure things were, in fact, going as well as they appeared. I've known this lady for a number of years. She was actually first introduced to me by Jazzy's mother - about 5 or 6 years ago. They grew up sharing the same culture, and knew each other that way. I've been to gathering with her, and I've talked with her on a more social level since she was hired at our school three years ago. This is the first time she has taught one of my children.
While I was speaking with Mrs. S, she said something that I have NEVER had a teacher say to me. She said, "I have read his full OSR." (That's Ontario Student Record, if you don't know.) She has actually taken the time to go through this very dry document, and actually familiarize herself with all of S's educational past. Wow. Some of those reports are pretty long and detailed. She also commented that I have obviously been through a lot with respect to S, and she would never have known that from our past meetings.
He is doing well. He likes her, and so far there have been no problems AT ALL. Well, honeymoon period, and all that... But, my heart of hearts is hoping that he is going to be able to show this school the REAL little boy he is. The REAL S!
I had to leave for a little while to pick S up from his karate class. On the way home, he told me that he has math homework, and a bit of religion. Suddenly he started getting all upset, and telling me how it was going to take "over an hour" to get it done because there were 64 questions... oh, the tears almost started, even. I told him to calm down, and reminded him that I wouldn't leave him to struggle through - all that stuff you say to a child that is getting upset.
Turns out he only has 32 questions - only the even numbers. Now here is the kicker - how do you explain WHY it is that when you are dividing by fractional numbers, it's really like an inversion, and then a multiply? (eg. 83 divided by 0.01 is the same as 83 times 10?!) He finally just realized what the pattern was, and just got to it. Actually, he is doing it as I type this - being a little distracted by talking to his brother - but he is doing it. By himself!
The A-man doesn't have any homework, again. I am a little concerned, but he is insisting that he is telling the truth. I have no choice but to believe him. He is coming down with a cold. You would think by the way he is carrying on, he is the ONLY person in the world to have suffered this horrible condition. (Good thing he doesn't get sick very often!)
And, another day is coming to an end. I was fortunate to enjoy a beautiful sunset while on the way to pick up S from his karate class. Sunsets are one of my favourite things. That's kind of funny, actually, as a sunset is more like an end - I always seem to like the beginnings more...

This is a photo of my sons, and my nieces up at the cottage - at sunset. Such a sweet picture of innocence, don't you think?

Sunday...Sunday...where have you gone??

After I signed off yesterday, hubby and I started to put together the corner desk. Had a couple of "opps...that's on backwards" but, for the most part it went pretty smoothly. We had two screws left, and when I realized where they were supposed to go, there was no way we were going to dismantle to get to that point. It will be fine without them.

Jazzy's mom wasn't able to come for sushi with me. Jazzy officially became a woman yesterday morning - and was terribly distraught over it. Poor thing thinks she a freak or something. So, the A-man and I went off for a very yummy lunch. He's never had a sushi boat before - and the place I like will often give you little 'chef's specials' as you are waiting for your meal, and yesterday was no exception! He was so thrilled with the whole afternoon. Well, until I made him come to the grocery store with me. Actually, he didn't mind that either, I don't think.

While we went out to have our lunch and get the groceries, I left hubby in charge of making sure S finished his project. Answer the final section, finish the parent interview, and then print everything. I love the man dearly, but I must say, I don't think he really GETS the fact that with our sons, you have to BE there completely, and you have to push them, or they will do the minimal necessary! It wasn't done.

I did some stuff around the house, then answered the final questions for the Parent Interview - apparently Daddy wasn't qualified to answer these. lol... No, I had started the interview, and S thought I should finish them.

One thing hubby did that I thought was great was installed a program called "Print Anywhere." This will us to print from upstairs to either my printer or his printer down in the basement! (Sometimes it is very handy to be married to a techno-geek.) While I was getting the final stages of dinner finished, I had S use his memory stick to transfer his information from his school laptop to our home laptop, and then send all of the information off for printing. He needed to finish his collage - which he did. We sent it off to be printed, and the next thing I knew, the page was white, and nothing was happening.

When we finally got the system all shut down, our laptop was no longer recognizing S's memory stick. THE SCHOOL BOARD'S MEMORY STICK. (!!) (I was getting a little worried.) We had dinner, then hubby went back to trying to recover the modified collage, but it was lost. The entire file on the memory stick was corrupt. S was beside himself because he had spent so much time making the changes to it, and now he was going to have to do it all again! I was relieved that the school laptop still recognized the memory stick - at least it didn't fry the whole thing. I helped S with his collage modifications (again) and then he just took the whole thing right down to the printer rather than trying to send it through the 'airwaves.' The entire project was finished - he put the title page together and bundled it all up in to a nice neat duo-tang. I could tell he was very pleased with the finished product. The one good thing - he has been using the laptop a lot more, and it is 'training' itself as he uses it, and it is recognizing his voice a lot better than it did 2 weeks ago.

While his Dad was fixing the computer issues, S did a bit of studying for a math test today - he knows that information without a blip. Just so long as the EA is around to read the questions to him, he should be fine. Well, not really read them TO him - just provide help with reading it, if necessary.

So far I like this school year WAY better than the past! Let's just hope I'm not jinxing it by actually saying that.

More randoms...

Hubby had taken the A-man off to do his "Safe Boaters" course this morning, and after about 45 minutes, they were back home! When I took it, I was there for 3 hours... Turns out the A-man was the only student that showed up, and the volunteer that arrived wasn't able to find the tests for him to take, so they are both back home without him getting to do it. The thing that is a bit of bummer is that he could have been going Gliding with Air Cadets this afternoon, and he opted to not go so that he could do the boating course. Oh well - what can you do?

I'm trying to talk my friend - Jazzy's mother - in to going for a sushi lunch with me. I have been having a craving for days. I think it started by reading my "Singapore Connection's" blog, actually. It sounds like she just has the most amazing meals there. I wish I was able to travel in Europe and Asia. My taste buds CRAVE that!! My mom is always wondering where (and how) I developed such a taste for the "unusual", as she calls it. I was pretty much raised on meat and potatoes. And canned veggies. Yeck. Still, to this day, I can not believe that she made us eat that! My brother arbores potatoes, and will do anything he can to avoid eating them. He was, however, guilty of still using canned veggies, but when he met his new wife, she told him he was no longer allowed to feed that crap to my niece!

Hubby and I bought a new corner desk for the dining room. This is the area where the boys do their homework, and we are going to set the laptop up there. Major work will still need to be taken downstairs to my office for printing, but if we have a computer station on the main floor, I think I will still be able to assist them with homework while making dinner and doing other tasks around the house. I think we will be putting it together soon.

I love the weekends. Especially the weekends when we don't have a whole lot of plans. Here it is, 10:35, and I am still in my bathrobe! Lazy sod, huh? I will be getting dressed soon, I guess, and then I will have to go grocery shopping, help the boys finish their homework, and work on the mountain of laundry that has accumulated! It's a never ending pile, I tell ya!

S did some work on his project yesterday. Made his "personal crest." These sorts of projects should really make the teacher aware of how the child feels about himself, and their surroundings. I wonder if they actually pay attention to it? I will be curious to see if the teacher comments on it during our team meeting. We'll see.

I would like to get both boys' School Record's Binders up to date, but I have so much other paperwork to catch up on. Yes, I did a seminar on the importance of a Record's Binder for the ADHD group, and I'm behind on mine! So bad. I've got a bunch of things to finalize for the group's membership drive - and a meeting for that on Wednesday night. Then there is my Dad's GST information that needs to be completed...my office (both here at at work) needs to be overhauled... and what am I doing? Typing my blog! lol - I have my priorities in the right place, wouldn't you say?

Okay, I have now guilted myself in to getting my hinney in to motion. Well, that and the fact that the A-man is reading over my shoulder, waiting to use the laptop...not sure why he needs this computer...there ARE two others downstairs... Oh, apparently S and Hubby are using those, and he needs to join S in an online game...

TTFN!

Love Saturday mornings...

I was supposed to be in a golf tournament this morning, but I decided to opt out, and just take advantage of a day at home. What does it mean when you are just so happy about not having to be anywhere, or do anything by a certain time, and you are just looking forward to getting the laundry caught up and getting some housework done? I suppose it just means that I am looking forward to a day of doing what I want.

I had a birthday the other day. The now infamous 9/11. Up until 2001, I always told people that I had the best birthdate - I called it 911. Then, six short years ago, all of that changed. It almost seems a terrible thing to want to celebrate or do anything on that day. This year, a young man we knew shot himself. The A-man is convinced that my birthday is cursed. A friend of mine told me back in 2001, and again this year, that we need to change my birthdate to Sept 10 - because it was BEFORE these terrible things occured.

Anyway, my MIL just called - she is coming over for coffee - and I suppose to bring me a birthday gift. Made the boys come up and help me straighten the living room. They were both VERY quick to come up and do the tasks I requested. What a difference in these two young men. A couple of years ago, it simply would not have been worth the whining and complaining that would have occurred. I don't know if it is maturity, the ADHD medication, or a combination of both. No matter - it is very nice to be able to make simple requests and know that (for the most part) they will be done. The next big hurdle is making them realize that when I ask them to do it, I really mean "right now" and not - whenever. That is a tough one with them.

The A-man has started a list of things he needs to do his science project. He is starting to realize that a little bit of pre-planning is necessary for these times of things. Over the past few days he has added more and more to his list. It had started with "I just need different kinds of baking soda, Mom." I think we will have to go shopping for them later this afternoon. He will need to do his experiements a few times, he says, so he will have to get started real soon as the project is due in less than two weeks. I can tell he is looking forward to doing this experiement. Mixing baking soda with vinegar, and trying to determine WHICH soda/vinegar combination causes the most gas. It will be fun for him. Then, I will have to burst his bubble and remind him that he is also responsible for the clean up!

S will have to print out his project, and do a bit of artwork for it, but for the most part, he is finished. Have to make sure I remember to buy ink for my printer. Scanner won't even work with the ink levels this low.

Another week done - and no big problems. Found out that S's EA may not be truly "full time", but I am not going to get too upset about that right now. If he is able to be successful with an EA 75% of the time, that will be okay too. I know there are many kids with needs - resources are so scarce. Yeah, and we have so bone-head in the Ontario government that wants to start funding all kinds of schools. "Hey, jerk, start properly funding the schools you currently have!!"

Okay - need to get the coffee on - MIL is just pulling in the driveway...

I just want to say I told you so...

I know, I know...gloating and being right will get me no where. But, still. I just want to say it SO badly...

About 12:05 today, I get a phone call at the office - it's S. "Ummm, Mom, I don't have a lunch." I told him that I knew that - he had refused the lunch I had made him. He then told me that he was hungry, and he hadn't eaten any breakfast. Again, I told him that he had made that choice this morning. He said, "but I'm hungry" and I said "I realize that - what do you want me to do about that? I am at work. You made a decision this morning, now I guess you will have to manage to hold on until after school." Aren't I a cold and heartless person?

Now, I would never let him go hungry. I know he could have a very bad afternoon as a result of being hungry. I also know that there should be enough food around that school to at least give him something to eat. I was one of the driving forces in getting the Breakfast for Learning program in our school - I worked with, and trained, many grade 8's on proper health procedures, made arrangements to either purchase or receive donations of various types of healthy and nutritious snacks. I know I haven't been doing the program for a couple of years now, but I know that there would be something around for him. And, if not, I probably would have made some sort of arrangements for him. But you know what? I was still quite ticked at him for acting like such a goof this morning. I told him that he had a problem, and it was him that created this problem, then told him that perhaps he should be responsible for solving that problem.

After a couple of minutes of him trying to come up with ideas, I finally suggested he either call hubby (who had an appointment not too far from the school) or call his Grandma, and I was sure that one of them would be able to get him some sort of lunch. Turns out MIL wasn't home, but FIL was, and he took a sandwich and some of S's favourite Dutch cookies over for him. Rescued, again.
But, that said, I do believe that he did learn his lesson because he did comment about it when he got home from school - how if he hadn't been so stubborn, he wouldn't have had any problems at lunch time. So, maybe, without having to be too obnoxious about it, I can do a wee bit of a "I told you so" dance. (Jori does a wee little "Nah nah nah nah nah naaaa" dance in her seat...)

When the A-man got home this afternoon, he was fine and acting like the problems of this morning had not even occured. I was home from work early - bit of a migrane coming on, I think - and he was quick to come over and offer a bit of a neck rub to help with my headache. He helped with the kitchen clean up without reminders...just a sweet dream child again. I got a call from my cousin about half an hour ago telling me that the A-man had been very helpful to her daughter at the school, even. Maybe he was just really grouchy and needing more sleep? Who knows?!

Anyway, we have a bit of things going on this weekend, but personally, I am really looking forward to getting to sleep in for a couple of days. There are projects to consider, but that will be after I solve the world's problems over a pot of coffee...

Mommy rant

There are some mornings that I truly believe I have raised two of the laziest, most selfish children on the earth!

This morning it appeared that I was being totally unreasonable by asking my 14 year old to actually brush his hair before he went to school. I know. How on earth can these poor children function with such an unreasonable parent? I mean, it was all wet from the shower and everything - why would anyone want to actually comb a rats nest? And then, just to add more fuel to the fire, I had the audacity to make sure he brushed his teeth! Just because we have paid some $5,000 for orthodontia, you would think I owned the teeth or something...

Then, life was totally annoying because I actually made sure his uniforms were cleaned last night, but I left them hanging on the drying rack over night, and he actually had to go down to the basement to GET one! It is amazing this poor child has even made it to 14. Life is just so unfair to him. Poor kid.

It must be me - because while I am putting up with this nonsense from the A-man, I also have S behaving like a total ass. First he wouldn't get out of bed - that took almost 10 minutes. Then, he is refusing the lunch I will make him because it is on bread, and not a wrap. And, like his brother, had to go downstairs to get his clean clothes! But, since they had been moved from where I had put them last night, he proceeds to spend 10 minutes downstairs doing God knows what. I call him, and he tells me they aren't there. I go down, and the clothes were about 5 feet to the left of where I told him they were. Again, how these children have managed to live this long with such an inept parent is just mind-boggling. Obviously I am being unreasonable here, right? I mean, it's not like they have to be ready at a certain time of day or anything, correct? Because, if they miss the bus, it's no big deal - Mom has nothing better to do that drive completely out of her way to take them to school. Geesh, what is the big deal?

Truly, my heart is breaking for them. They have to do chores around the house, they are expected to do their schoolwork, they have to be ready on time for their buses, and sometimes, just to be really mean, I make them clean up their TV room. (Yeah, as a child did you have your own TV room? If you did, wouldn't you have made sure it was spotless??) Seriously, it is truly amazing that they can make it day to day in this house.

GGRRRRRGGRRRRGGGG

Ohhhhh...I am in trouuuubbble.....

(Jori is hanging her head in shame)


Guess who got a phone call from the special ed teacher from S's school today? Apparently S didn't complete the homework that was listed in his agenda, and he told them that he was out paying his respects for a boy that had committed suicide...and the school didn't believe him. Apparently I should have sent a note to the school to make them aware of this situation - just so they would be, well, prepared. I am so bad. I even said that to the spec ed. Yup, I said "My bad."

Come on, what else could I say? I explained to her that S didn't really know the boy, and if either of my sons were going to be bothered by it, it would have been the A-man more than S. I didn't think to mention it to the school, well, to be honest, because I just didn't.

To make up for it, I made sure S did all of his homework tonight, plus even a little bit more of his project than I would have probably expected him to do at once. He did his own science homework (it's on ecosystems...) but I ended up scribing the written section because I didn't think the teacher would be able to make heads or tails over what he had put down. I also wrote a note to his EA and classroom teacher apologizing for the oversight. (Am I being a suck up???)

Anyway, was a good conversation with the special ed teacher after that. I am going to need to get some clarification on something she said - something to the effect that he wasn't really going to have a "full time" EA. Excuse me? I guess there will have to be some sort of rotation to cover off breaks, etc., so he may have periods of the day that he doesn't have full support. That I can live with - hell, he's had to do it for 8 years, what is a period a day?

She also told me that she is going to send home an 'anxiety' sheet to complete - something that will point out the various triggers, and the signs to watch for to make sure he doesn't get to that really bad place. We will also be having a "full team meeting" to make sure all aspects of his safe plan are known to all of his teachers. This year they have introduced rotation classes, so he has his regular classroom teacher, his French teacher, and another teacher for History/Geography. Plus his EA, and any of the other EA's that might work with him have to be aware of what to watch for, how to get him 'unstuck'...never ending, I tell ya.

The project that S is working on is a History project, but it is actually more of a personal history. One of the sections he worked on tonight was "10 goals I have." Some of his answers really made me hurt for him. His goals included "to not get angry at every little thing", to "get a girlfriend this year", "to become popular" and "to get more friends." He had other, more positive ones - like "to get my orange belt in karate" and "to become a famous singer", but most of them focused of his self-perceived short comings. Like, "to be become more smart for school." He already IS smart - he just has learning disabilities - he learns differently than the average child.
There was one point though, that was very positive for him. It was the 'parent interview' section. I asked him to complete the first 4 questions of that, and you should have seen his little face just beam when I answered his questions about a time I was most proud of him, what he liked to do as a child, and a funny thing he did when he was younger. He loves to hear stories about himself. He is such a sweet boy (well, sometimes) and all he wants is to be well-liked by those around him. I guess it will come. He knows I love him with my whole heart - I tell him every single day - but I am usually the person he gets most angry at, too. Maybe that is a security thing - he knows he can get angry at me and yet I will not stop loving him.

The A-man finished his homework with little-to-no prompting, and when I had sent him a message via Facebook asking him to make sure the kitchen was cleaned up, and the dishes done, he actually did it - before I got home from work. Sure does make life easier when you don't have to clean up just before you are going to make a mess! He seems to be finding his niche in the highschool, and it sounds like he is starting to make a few new friends. Some of the people he has science lab with are actually boys that he was friends with in Junior and Senior kindergarten. What are the chances, huh?

He has started to figure out what he needs for his science project that is due in a couple of weeks, so I guess I will be making sure all of those items are in the house so that he can start the first series of experiments. Oh, the joys...

Pounding headache tonight...better try to get to sleep a bit earlier tonight...

Random thoughts

I was a very negligent mother last night - didn't enforce the whole homework issue at all. I was just too darn tired. Didn't sleep well - thinking about what our friend's son must have been going through just before he succeeded. My heart is breaking for them, and although S was not successful two years ago, I have a very small idea of the inner turmoil they must be experiencing. No, that is not true. I have no idea what it is like to lose a child in such a sad, sad way. So, I didn't sleep well, and by the time I got home from work, my energy was spent.

When I got home last night, I pulled together a meal for the three of us - seems like hubby is ALWAYS on afternoon shift - and I made two extra casseroles to take to the family. The boys and I delivered the casseroles, took a quick stop at another friend's house, then came home, had a hot tub, and sent them off to bed. The A-man said he didn't have any homework, and although I did ask him if it was true no homework, or the 'no homework' story like the night before, I believed him. S has his project to finish, but it is due on Monday, and we have the duration of the weekend to help him pull the final parts together. I cancelled my participation in the golf tournament on Saturday to enable me to go to the funeral.

My house (kitchen especially) looks like a bomb has hit. We are puppy sitting for a relative - and this guy is a long haired dog - WHITE long hair. Vacuum will be getting a work out tonight. So glad we have all wood floors - couldn't imagine what this long white hair would have done to the carpets! Tonight, I will tackle laundry and a bit of housework. Both boys will be expected to help. Guess I will see how much energy I have when today's work day ends.

The first of our "help wanted" ads ran in the newspapers yesterday. There is to be a job fair pull out section in a few major papers this weekend, and we placed ads in there, as well. I have never had to interview for an assistant before - should be quite the experience. The job posting I put together indicated to submit resumes before Sept 24, so I will be curious to see how many we get. Boss figures we will get about 60. Also put out an ad for a new salesperson. We are so swamped at work right now, and last night as I was leaving, Boss asked me when I was planning on taking my Fam trip to Mississippi! Yeah, because I have time to leave the office right now!! I told him maybe in October.

I have found two blogs that I have started to follow. One is this amazing woman that lives in Singapore. The majority of her blog is about what she does with her daughter, and what sorts of meals she prepares. She includes photos of the finished dishes. All I can say is "Wow" - I wish I could prepare a meal to look like that. My kids would think we were having company! The other blog is a young girl's blog. She looks to be about 20, and it would appear she is quite taken with herself. I will follow her story for a wee bit of time, I think.

Anyway, the work day beckons - yet again.

Sneaky Little Rat Fink...

Why, oh why, do children really think they can pull a fast one on their parents?


Oh yes, he did. He lied to me about having homework. I tried to allow him the opportunity to suddenly 'remember' his homework...but he kept trying to say he didn't. Totally busted. He was slow moving this morning - not ready when the bus arrived. I went out to wave the bus on, then came in and told him that it was the perfect time for him to get his homework done. He looked at me funny, and I told him that I knew he had homework because the teacher had told me he did. I was very annoyed and angry, but I was able to just say it like a person would say "Hey, how are you?" You know how long it took for him to complete the work? Yeah - less than 5 minutes.


I don't know how I am going to impress upon him the need to do his homework AT home. It is not called "buswork" for a reason. It is HOMEwork - meant to be done at HOME. Television privileges, and computer privileges are going to have to be reduced for a little bit, I think. Priorities...it's all about what is most important. TV and computers - not important. Education - very important.

...little while later...

The A-man was reading over my shoulder as I was typing the above post. He has never actually come to my blog - not sure if he ever would take the time to read it - but, since he started reading what I was typing at about the 3rd sentence, I figured I should direct my comments to him.

Received a phone call yesterday afternoon from the science teacher. She was apologetic for not being aware of his situation. I told her that I understood these things take time to filter down to the teacher, but thought I would take the initial steps to bring her up to speed on the learning challenges faced by the A-man, etc. She is going to provide him with notes at the beginning of class when there is a lot of written work, but he will be expected to still take smaller notes. That is fine with me - he needs to learn how to do both, right? She also requested that the A-man make a point of coming in and talking to her about his needs - if he needs to release some tics, or if he is feeling frustrated, she wants a code word between them - that sort of thing.

He did go in a bit early yesterday to ask his questions, but he didn't tell her about the Tourettes or the note taking. Told me he didn't have time. I explained to him - again - that there are many others that require special treatments, etc., and if its not made in to a big deal, it won't become one. This morning, as we were driving in to school, I explained that if he simply takes the notes and carries on, chances are the rest of the people in the class won't even notice. I also explained to him that there are others in the class that are getting what he calls 'special treatment' and asked him if was aware of it. He wasn't. I'm hoping he starts to get it.

S had another good day. He didn't get much done on the project, though. First night of cadets for the A-man, my birthday, and other errands had to take priority for us. Tonight is a free night for all, and both will be required to do some work on their various projects.

On a very sad note, an acquaintance of hubby and I had some very tragic events occur yesterday. Again, mental health issues have reared their ugly head in our lives. An 18 year old boy suddenly took his own life yesterday afternoon. He left a message on Facebook for his friends, phoned his mother to "forgive her", wrote a note to the family, and broke the locks of his father's hunting equipment. There were many locks. It's all so sad, and very difficult to explain to the kids. Bear's son was very close to this boy - I am very worried about how he will cope with this. He is such a sensitive and sweet boy -dealing with far too much for a boy of 13.

Hug those close to you. And tell them you love them. You just never know.

I HATE having to 'do' homework...

Neither of my children expect me to DO their homework for them - I do not give them the answers, I do not tell them what they need to do, or say, or anything - but I have to sit with them for the entire duration. I don't know why this is the case, but I've found that if you just leave them to it, other distractions always get in the way. Not sure if it's a boy thing, and ADHD thing, or just avoidance tactics. For the last couple of years, I have found that simply being 'around' the kitchen while the A-man is working on his is enough, but that is not the case for S. He will do anything BUT pay attention to what he is supposed to be doing.

Let's talk last night's scenario. Get home from work, the A-man tells me that he had some drama homework, but he was done it. Showed me the typed-out information he was going to have to present in class today, then told me that he just needed to put it on the cue cards provided by the teacher. I asked about his other subjects - seemed a little surreal to think he would have homework in drama, but not science or geography. Oh, yeah, he had some science homework, but it wasn't due until Wednesday, so he thought he'd work on it tomorrow. (Tomorrow never comes in my house.) I reminded him that he had Air Cadets the next night, so it would probably be a good idea to get the majority of the science work done tonight. He agreed - but was sullen about it.

I worked on getting dinner started, and just took some down time for myself. During dinner, both boys brought me up to speed on what they did in school. After dinner, I asked S what section of his project the EA wanted him to work on for the evening. He told me that he had done some of it in class, and he needed to work on "this". I asked him to show me what he had done in class. He was correct - he had done some of it in class - but, in no sense of the imagination did he actually do what he is truly capable of. I am really going to have to push this to the EA - he will do the minimal amount of work if you allow it. He must be pushed. I know it isn't fun, and he can be a real pill, but if we don't walk him through the various steps, and help along, he will not suddenly decide on his own to do more. Just won't happen.

Anyway, he modified the work he had done in class. I had him add a bit more detail to each of the stories, and then made him check it over for grammar, etc. It's a flipping computer, people. Let's use it to it's full abilities!! It takes the words he speaks, and puts them down on the screen. - it is very easy to modify and correct information, but it does take a lot of time and patience to get him used to using all of the features. (Really takes me a long time since I don't even know all the features, but I'm learning.) Anyway - he brought the second section of his project up to a level that I felt was within his capabilities, and then we started to work on the next section - a collage about himself. This he enjoyed. I took him down to my computer, and showed him how he could actually make the whole collage on the computer. Take this shape, add a picture in to it, place these words here, move this up here...he really got in to it very quickly, and had a lot of fun thinking of what else he could put on the collage. Then, suddenly, he heard some music on the TV his brother was watching, and all interest was lost. I had him save the collage, transfer it to his memory stick and then put it on his school laptop. Homework time for S was now officially done.

I was straightening up the living room when I suddenly realized the A-man's drama homework was still sitting on the coffee table - unfinished. Nice. It was now just after 9pm. I called him up and reminded him that he still needed to complete his homework before bed. He was not happy with me. Suddenly, the pencil case is being slammed down, zipped open in a very aggressive way...if you have a kid that shows anger this way, I'm sure you know what I mean.

He then told me that he didn't need to worry about him science homework, because he figured he would just do it on the bus. I lost it. "On the bus??!" Homework is not to be done 'on the bus' EVER. The bus can be used for final study time, or to do some reading, but NOT for actually doing the homework! He used to pull this crap all the time in Grade 7 and 8, and I told him that this just was not going to fly for high school. This really got him worked up, but he did get his work out. He read the first question, slammed his pencil down, and said, "I have no idea what this means. How am I supposed to do this when I don't even know what it means?!"

I was just fuming, but realized that I was not going to be any help or support to him if I kept nagging and going on and on about the same thing (yes, I will admit it - I have been known to do that...) so I calmed myself down while pouring my tea, and sat at the table with him. I read the question, then read the notes that he had taken for the day. I asked him if he had written these notes off the board - he said it was an overhead projector, but yes, he had. Big Mistake.

I asked him to read over his notes, think about what it was saying, then read it again. He was still quite agitated, but after the second read-through, he seemed to be calming. (So was I.) He read the question again, and still didn't know what he was supposed to do. I read the question aloud to him, then showed him where his notes helped to answer this question. He read the notes again, then said "Oh, so this means...." Okay, he's starting to get it, I thought. He was still a little irritated, but he was starting to get to work.

He limped through doing all of the work, and I told him out-right that I didn't know for sure if this is what the teacher was wanting, but I suggested that he go in to class a bit early to show her what he had done, and to ask for clarification on a couple of points. This was the perfect learning tool for him - I explained that by working on it now, he still had another full day in school to go over any difficulties he was having - talk with the teacher - before he had to hand in the final version. I could tell that he saw my point, even though he didn't want to admit it.

The next part was a little bit harder. I reminded the A-man that his "tourette doctor" and Physio-therapist at the clinic had formulated information that indicated he was not to be required to take notes, but rather be given prepared notes to enable him to fully listen to the teacher, and make notations as needed. I asked him if the teacher explained things while he was writing the notes, and he said "No, she just put them on the projector and we copied them down. Then she told us to read these pages, and answer these questions." (For the record, I had a very hard time believing that a Grade 9 teacher would do this.)

As gently as I could, I told him that he should talk to the teacher about making arrangements to have the notes given to him - and he started to get upset and say that he didn't want to be treated any differently. He is worried that kids will bug him, I think. I asked him to think about that morning in class. "Do you think it's possible that you worked so hard on writing nice and neat notes, and getting all of the words down, that you just didn't realize the teacher was talking?" Suddenly his face fell, his shoulders drooped, and he said "Yeah, I think she was talking - but I didn't listen...I just wrote what was on the screen."

I explained that if he had been given the notes, he would have been able to read them as she was talking, and make any notes about things he thought were important. He would have been able to actually learn the lesson - not focus on trying to write neatly. (His handwriting is terrible, usually.) The A-man told me that he was going to go to science as soon as he could, to make sure he was on the right track with the homework, and to also tell her about the note-taking issues.

Part of me wants to just let him do this, but most of me is thinking I need to set up an appointment with the special ed teacher, and his classroom teachers. I have copies of the information from the doctors, and I'm thinking this needs to be shared. Now. I want to allow him the opportunity to self-advocate, but I'm afraid he will just clam up and not say anything to her.

Anyway, he finished all of his homework, and went to bed. All told, he worked for just under an hour on everything. By the time he was done, he did see my point about taking advantage of having a day to clarify information, etc. He was a little sleepy this morning, but he didn't have to rush out to the bus. Maybe we will survive this...

I am going to call the school to set up an appointment - just to provide the information from the clinics - and I won't tell him about it until I find out how his version of the conversation he had with the science teacher. I don't want him to think I will rush in to 'save' him - he needs to learn how to speak up for himself, too. I hope he does it.

(a little while later...)

I have called the school. I spoke with the A-man's resource teacher - and also found out she is his Learning Strategies teacher. She is going to talk to the science teacher about providing notes rather than having him take the notes. She asked for some patience and said they are just in the midst of preparing IEP's for the kids that require one - I guess there is usually a two week transition time.

Happily, she did comment that the A-man appears to be much calmer this week. She also told me that she thought she would discuss in class when/where doing homework was appropriate. There are 17 in his Learning Strategies course - all of which have special educational needs, so I'm sure the majority of them try the same sorts of avoidance issues. The A-man will not need to know I made this call, and I'll get to hear his version of how his conversation went with the science teacher. (My phone call would have been made just as his science class was coming to an end - he should have already completed the task.)

I asked her about the chances of him having a psycho-educational assesement done. She didn't think the chances were very good (CRAP) but she said she would inquire about it. I am going to fight for this more, if I need to. He had a snapshot of his abiltities done, and he scored in the 91st and 99th percentile for visual abilities, but in the learning end of things, his spelling was in the 14th percentile. Gee, ya think there could be some type of learning disability there? He needs one done, and if we need to, we will pay for another one, but I would rather not have to lose all that time at work - never mind the two thousand $$. What's money if ya can't even spend what you don't have??

Homework - DONE!

I am in total shock right now. S was able to complete his homework today, with very little to NO resistance!! This has never happened. Ever.

I knew that he has a project due next week, so I asked him to get it out and we would formulate a plan of attack for it. Turns out his EA already has a plan of attack, and told him which section she wanted to see done by tomorrow.

At first he thought he would hand write the information. Yeah, I didn't think that was such a good idea. Graphomotor learning disablity does not bode well to handwritting. Plus, I really want him to start utilizing the laptop. So, in three separate stages, I had him work on the section of the project he had to have done for the morning. Each and every time I said that it was time to do a bit more - HE DID IT. I'm still in shock. He is starting to realize that using the various methods available on the system can really speed things along. He also is starting to realize that the computer just is not going to understand any words he speaks that have an "R" in it - so he used the word prompting section of the programing. Heck, I was even able to offer suggestions on the draft revisions, and he didn't start yelling at me.

When he was just about finished with the project stuff, he actually volunteered that he had math homework, too. He never does that. Well, maybe he knew I would be reviewing the agenda so he thought he'd better tell me about it first. Don't think so though - I think he just remembered that he had it.

After dinner, he brought out the math homework, and did it all. I was even able to take a phone call and he continued to do the work. He doesn't need me there to tell him the answers - he just needs me there to know that I will help him if he needs it. Sometimes a little bit of explaination can go a very long way. I have also found that often times hubby and I are able to explain in a different way that just enables S to finally 'get' it. It is very time consuming - homework. I wish I could just get him going and then go about my own way, but that just doesn't work in this house. My big hope is that hubby finally starts to get this. I hate having to leave him in charge or ensuring homework is done. He just isn't used to having to sit for any length of time, nor does he seem to realize that it just will not get done if a parent isn't there.

I'm a happy girl tonight. I made sure I told S how proud of him I was. He seems pretty proud of himself, too.

The first week is done!

We had a dinner party last night. Dinner for 10. Well, there were 4 kids, so they got a big ole casserole dish of home made mac and cheese, and the 6 adults had the good stuff. Mind you, when I think about it, I'd be willing to put money on the fact that the kids thought they got the better meal. The A-man made the dessert for the kid's dinner - a chocolate lava cake. He thinks he wants to be a chef when he grows up. Not quite what I would like to see for him, but I will encourage him in any field. He has an aptitude for maths and sciences, so we will just have to wait and see what forms and develops.

Anyway, while the adults were finishing the second or third courses, the kids went outside with S's telescope to look at the stars, and see if they could find any of the constellations. I think they did that for quite a while, actually. Well, between that and the trampoline, all four spent a fair bit of time outside.

Poor little Jazzy - she is always the only girl in the group - but she never seems to mind. She is a year older than S, but she hangs out with him while the A-man and her brother do whatever it is 14 year old boys do. Jazzy is in S's class this year. Her mom was telling me last night that it's almost as if she feels protective of S, and wants to do whatever she can to help him. I think that she is a very kind and sweet girl. Most girls her age would just go out of their way to avoid the oddity that is S, but instead, she recognizes and embraces his unique challenges. She gets very upset if any of her friends say anything negative about S. He's got himself a couple of guardian angels in his class this year. I'm glad.

I have a meeting this afternoon with a lady that wants some advice on how to work with her school towards improving her daughter's education. Apparently this girl has been on a waiting list for a psycho-ed assessment for four years, but her name never seems to come to the top of the list. I'm not sure what I will be able to do to help her - I don't know any of the players at her school - but she is just so frustrated with how the teachers treat her daughter. I have a friend that is a teacher at that school, and from what I gather, the teachers find the mom to be a little too "in your face", and that is probably why they resist anything that she tries to do. How do you nicely tell someone that THEY are the reason there are problems? I had told her in the past that I would attend a meeting at the school with her, but she just found out that the special ed teacher has already put together her daughter's IEP, and expects this mom to sign it! Yeah, right - a teacher that has put together a full IEP within the first 4 days of school? That just doesn't happen. Sorry - I don't care HOW good you are - no special ed teacher is going to do that so quickly. She knows that I am not a professional advocate in any way, shape, or form, but she just wants some advise. I'll see what I can offer.

Well, it would appear that Friday went well for the boys. The A-man told me he was 'dragged' to a local coffee shop for lunch, and he will NOT be doing that again. He said the line ups were crazy - huh, two highschools coming in at the same time...imagine that it would be busy - and he said by the time he got up to the counter they didn't have anything but muffins left. I'm pretty sure he will stick with the cafeteria when he wants to buy something. S has a project due in just over a week, so I guess I will have to get him started on that, and layout a bit of a plan of attack for him. He will fight me every step of the way, too. Oh well, I guess I'm not doing this job to be popular, right? I mean, did any of us ever LIKE our parents when they 'made' us do things?

Fun times...oh yeah...fun times!

Mornings

This morning was like a dream! They got up when they were asked to, did what needed to be done, and boom bang - both were outside in plenty of time to catch the buses to school! Are we really getting there?

Geesh - I remember days of seeing one of the boys running out to the waiting bus, a piece of toast in his mouth, one shoe on with the other in his hand....back pack open... Oh yeah, good times.

I think disorganization drives me nuts the most. Scattered, random thoughts. Start to do this, then get distracted by that, then get involved in this...and next thing I know, there are three things that are partially done, and nothing has been actually completed!! I used to think they did this stuff just to make me insane, but now I realize that is classic ADHD.

I'm a board of directors for a local ADHD chapter. Special Events Coordinator. Sounds like such a fancy smanchy title, wouldn't you say? Yeah - all that means is that I am one of five that works like crazy to try and raise awareness about the oddity that is ADHD. There is one man on the board, and he has ADHD. He is one of the smartest people I've ever met. He's an IT guy at some big company in the city - all kinds of new and wonderful electronic gadgets at his disposal. He is super organized, and has explained that he has to force himself to do that - otherwise, it's just utter turmoil for him. Every now and then little bits and pieces of the disorder pop up - for example, when we were coming up with the new logo. He had it in his head that "this" was the way it was going to look, and when the graphics guy modified the colours just a bit (tweeked the brightness) it through our IT guy for a loop. Resistance to change is huge for people that suffer from ADHD. If everything stays the same, is predictable and safe, the ADHD person is happy. Yeah - I have two of them in this house...

I will never forget the rage attack that occurred when I bought a new cutlery holder. The A-man went to get his spoon in the morning, and you would have thought the world was coming to an end. The drawer got slammed closed, and suddenly I'm being yelled at because "I never tell him about anything in advance, and how can I just go around changing things without telling him, and he LIKED the old holder, and now he would have to get used to this new one".... it was 7:20am, my coffee was just brewing, and I'm standing there thinking - all this over a cutlery holder? He's 12 for pity sake...do most 12 year olds even notice the cutlery holder? He went on, and on, AND ON, about how he hates changes, and hates that no one ever tells him anything, how his whole day was now ruined... again, "Seriously - a cutlery holder??"

So, I have had to adapt to some things. I try to give warning as much as I can - about everything. Even stuff I don't think they will give a flying fig about. Sometimes they respond, other times, it's like I never spoke. But, at least I have given warnings. They are starting to realize that some things aren't planned, but they both still have a hard time with spontaneity.

And, off to the races....

The A-man really made me laugh tonight. He was telling me about this "Getting to know you" game they were playing in his Drama Class. The teacher had them write five things about themselves on a piece of paper - things like "My hero", "One thing I don't like about myself" and "What I'm good at" - that sort of thing. They then had to fold the sheet of paper up in to a paper airplane, and throw it across the room, and while the paper was in the air, they had to say as many of the things they wrote as they could before it touched the ground.

The A-man told me that most of the kids were able to say about three of the five things before their planes hit the floor. I asked him what things he said, and he said "That I don't like having Tourette Syndrome." Now, if you read like I do, you just read that sentence relatively quickly. But, if you were to hear it spoken by the A-man, it's more like, "Th-th-tha-that, that, that, I don't li-li-like ha-ha-having T-T-Tourette Syndrome." Not quite so fast that way, huh? So when he finished telling me he said that, I asked him what else he said, and he just looked at me and stated plain and simply, "That was all I had time to say - the plane hit the floor. What can I say? I suck at making paper airplanes!" I burst out laughing! He didn't blame it on his stutter, he blamed his skills (or lack there of) on making paper airplanes! There is hope...he is not going to let this define who he is - and I am SO proud of him!

Last year - Grade 8 - was terrible for him and the stutter. He even had to do tongue exercises, but nothing really helped. The only time he didn't stutter was when he was singing (badly) or if he was yelling at his brother. Sometimes when he was doing a practised reading, it was fine, too. He pretty much lost the stutter over the summer, but he still has some trouble from it now and then. Waxing and waning of tics. What a strange disorder this thing it.

I think there were only a few kids that tried to bug him about it last year, but his teacher quickly dealt with it. The kids he went to school with last year have known him since he was 7 - and since he didn't start to stutter until he was 13, I guess they all just got used to it when it began to develop. So, now that he is starting with a new group, I guess he's decided that he simply won't let it be an issue for him. Self-advocacy. What a great kid I have there!

I had to spend some time helping S with his math homework tonight. He knew the work, but he just got himself in to such a state when faced with the written aspect of it. Once he realized that I was not going to let him just leave it, he somewhat resigned himself to it, but he would try the old "cry and get all upset" routine. Yeah, that didn't work. He was able to complete both sides of the math sheet in about 45 minutes or so - maybe 10 of it was spent in avoidance tactics. He just gets himself all worked up, and gives up because he is afraid to try. The thing I found funny - when looking at fractions, he knew the answer, but he couldn't tell me how he knew. He was correct every single time, but when I would say, "How'd you know that?" He would say, "Uh...well...I just guessed, okay?" He is able to see the answer in his head, but doesn't know how or why he 'sees' it. How do you get a teacher to realize that he does know the answer without being able to explain how he knows it? At first I thought he was guessing, but after about the 6th correct one, I knew he wasn't that good at guessing. Visual and verbal - those are his strengths. Don't ask him to read something though - that is just all bad. (Unless it's his Nintendo Power magazine - he loves to read that... )

I'm also working on getting him a bit more organized. He never remembers things - so tonight, when he said that he would ask his teacher for something the next day, I had him write it in his agenda - RIGHT THEN. Of course, he would roll his eyes and tell me that he'd write it later, but I kept telling him that if he wrote it down as soon as he thought it, he wouldn't have to try and remember everything the next day. He now has three circled notes that the teacher will see tomorrow, and my bet is that he will have forgotten all about writing the notes! I'm a note writer - I take notes on everything. And I love to make lists - for everything. I guess that is why I do what I do - nothing like getting paid to keep everyone else on task.

A project has come home with S tonight. Not sure when it will be due, but I am pretty sure we are going to have to establish a game plan for that one on Saturday. Time to get out the old graphic organizer book, I guess. I'm so glad I have the Internet - you can download so many things!

Only 201 more days till summer holidays. The first few days have gone well...here's hoping!